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Odd thought about moving on....

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#1 Nov 19 - 4PM
WiltedRose
WiltedRose's picture

Odd thought about moving on....

Had dinner last night with a former co-worker who'd helped me move out of mine and Narc's home last year---one of two times we'd officially separated.

Co-worker told me that at one point when the two of them were alone, Narc said, "Wilted is unstable. She does this all the time. And she ALWAYS comes running back to me. ALWAYS."

I also learned this week, that when the police and ambulance arrived due to my overdose last summer, a neighbor overheard Narc tell one of the police that I was "crazy"--this said because neighbors told the cops of the fight Narc and I had had two nights before the suicide attempt.

He didn't tell the cops he hit me, and that's why I'd been screaming.
He told them I was basically throwing a fit, and that I "always did that".

My neighbor set the cop straight a little later, and said that I was NOT "crazy".....

So this is my thought.

I am moving in two days. And want to put up family pictures--school pictures of the kids when they were younger, my son's wedding portrait, etc., and also plan on doing a very large montage of casual photos, in a large poster frame.

But I don't want to put any pictures of Narc in there. I want it to be as if he never existed in our lives.

Because, if he's never been "real", then this marriage has never been "real", and our family has never been "real"--our family consisting of my two kids from marriage #1 and Narc as step-dad.

And it occurred to me that most of the things that we did as a family, it was just the kids and me. Narc was either away, working, or else just emotionally detached and uninterested. And then he'd complain all the time about how he didn't feel like he was "part of the family".

Maybe this is just mindless blathering and won't make any sense to anyone else....but realizing all of this is really helping me make peace with just leaving Narc out of my future life--including wall decorations and framed pictures.

Thoughts? How have any of you handled life "after", if you DIDN'T share bio kids with the narcissist?

Nov 19 - 11PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I am sorry you've been

I am sorry you've been through so much, but damn, you sound strong NOW....and that's what counts. Awesome to see you moving on. Regarding pics, etc. I always threw out into the trash, any cards, pics, etc...from ANY AND EVERY BF I ever had, narc or not, after we would break up. lmao! Friends laugh at this, but I'm a believer in getting rid of any remnants of relationships that are no longer. Even if it wasn't a bad breakup. It's just the way I am. So, getting rid of anything narc??? Totally understandable, and I HIGHLY advise it. Whatever helps your healing, that's what YOU DO. FOR YOU, YOU DO WHAT WORKS. Hope you have a good holiday.
Nov 19 - 7PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

It is what you do, WiltedRose

Do you notice that the 'relationship' with the Narc didn't feel like a relationship at all? Do you see that it was way out of bounds, way out of normal, way out of right? That is because these people do not have relationships with people. It doesn't matter if they were married to you, employed with you, a family member to you, as associate. There is no relationsip. Period. End of story. They do not have friendships, co-workders, spouses, employers, in the commons sense of those terms. All you saw was a very fictional character. They prey on people for years. It is incomprehensible. No. Pictures of you, real family, done.
Nov 19 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

And also, when they call you 'crazy'

It is them covering up for themselves. That is it. Pass the blame.
Nov 19 - 6PM
las730
las730's picture

Wilted Rose

My Narc calls me crazy all the time ... says "all" his friends think I am. It's hurtful and you know you can't do anything about it. It will take time to free your mind from this. As for pictures, you do not need to put your "old life" on the walls. Everything is about your "new life". I'm going to photoshop mine out of any picture I post.
Nov 19 - 4PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

I share a child with the exwn

I share a child with the exwn and have zero pictures of her in my house. Zero. It is MY house, with my stuff, that I moved into without her input or approval. The kids know you x'd him out of your life, and they don't need pictures of him around either. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Keep him off the walls of your new home. Congrats on walking through the worst and surviving and moving on. If you were crazy it was temporary insanity, I have been there myself. I am not insane now, nor are you. Both of our x's are still disordered. Too bad, so sad. Grateful to be alone and safe in my four walls with no reminders of the narcstink to unsettle my day! ds
Nov 19 - 4PM
Hermes
Hermes's picture

Rose

Rose: A rose is a beautiful flower, and I don't see you as "wilted". ! The NPDs are great at projection, as in saying that the "other" (you) is crazy. Anyhow, on to more practical matters. Definitely, definitely, keep nothing that will remind you of ex-N, and most certainly not the photos. If it happens he is in some family photos that you would like to have (naturally), then have him obliterated (there may be photo shops which can do this. You are quite right. He was never "there". I am so glad you are moving, to a new environment and a new life. I got rid of everything that was anyway personal. But listening to a couple of sensible friends I did box up some good china and crystal given to us as wedding presents by dear friends. Nonetheless, more than three years passed before I could bring myself to open those boxes and take out those objects. That's how bad it was. Lots of luck with your new home and with the move. Hermes
Nov 19 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
WiltedRose
WiltedRose's picture

(smiles)

Thank you for the comment! Ironically, a woman told me earlier today that I looked like I am "blossoming"! All of the cards, poems, little gifts, etc., that Narc has given me over the years are staying here for him to find...that way he knows I am not in my new life, re-reading all that crap and "suffering the loss", ha ha. And that man was PROUD of his poetry. The photos are the things I can't necessarily just split him out of so easily....but altering the photos in some way is a good idea. It's so funny--he was not "there" even the times he was there....it won't seem so odd that his image is missing from the pictures. Don't think the kids will mind.
Nov 19 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Well said

it's so funny--he was not "there" even the times he was there.. This is what makes it less hard to be here without him, it feels normal.
Nov 19 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

oh and

Leave the pictures off the wall. Better for everyone to forget