OH NO!

25 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 15 - 8AM

whatever2009

OH NO!

and I answer the cordless phone not even thinking and then BAM:

HIM:
Thank god you answered. I miss you a lot. Im miserable without you. Are you happy, because Im not happy. Maybe the way I have been is because im insecure I need to work on that. I know I have been all over the place but I want you, so you need to tell me what it is you want. We need to work this out. Maybe I should go and work on myself and then when Ive changed come back and try to get you again. I feel very attached to you.

Anything I said to you in our last conversation was just me being defensive. Im in love with you, and I want you to be a part of my life. Let me take you to dinner and we can talk about this.

ME:
I cant do this again. Bye.

HIM: wait, I will give you as long as you need to think about this.

Im replaying this over and over trying to figure it out.
And I cant stop my mind from doing that.

#2 Sep 17 - 9AM

whatever2009

man oh man!

I just cant believe the balls these guys have and the idea its okay to just keep calling, when does that end. The problem with my N is that I am the best he will ever get,Im not being conceded and im sorry if it sounds that way, but what I mean is that, "our" circle of friends/acquaintances basically people we know is the same. And everyone in that circle really has nothing to say bad or disrespectful about me. They only have good things to say, other then "how did you get her" or "what do you see in him", so when I walk away he must freak out thinking that he will look worse then ever, which I think makes him work harder to keep me. Again nothing to do with love and everything to do with him looking like a star. So altho I do love this jerk, I just dont think he will ever just go away. Or maybe Im being cocky....see how my brain is DUH these days. lollol So, how and when does this end?

#3 Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #23)

Barbara (not verified)

whatever

when you change your number - to an unlisted one or call the phone company, say he's abusive and have him blocked ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#4 Sep 17 - 6PM (Reply to #24)

James (not verified)

Operator can I please...

That was the only way it worked for my children and I. Changed our phone number and requested it be unlisted. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#5 Sep 15 - 7PM

cynthia (not verified)

I feel very attached to you.

that is all they do is get attached to us if you read the book women who love psychopaths -- we bond they 'attach', not the same there is no love in their attachment, he just said a mouthful and gave himself away, they attach like parasitic leeches and suck you dry, its all bull crap start laughing. I am in love with you, that is just not medically or humanly possible with them and you know that, so we know that is a LIE, he is just feeding you more lies if he is a true psychopath/narc he doesnt fall in love with anyone. You want to believe it but its just not possible I know it hurts

#6 Sep 17 - 7PM (Reply to #21)

Monica

Addiction...not love

You are so right, Cynthia. Mine admitted he was "addicted" to me. There were no emotions, no feelings, no love, not even "friendship" as he tried to tell me I was his "most trusted friend." Good lord, if this is how he treats his friends, I would hate to be his enemy. And he was addicted to me. He sucked everything good out of me, like a black hole. I ended it so many times and he always wanted me back. Even the times HE ended it, he eventually wanted me back. I am sure he knew he was a narc, admitted it to me in so many words, was always "working" on his issues. But I think he knew deep down that he could/would never change. I finally saw that, too. Took me way too long. And the damage is permanent.

#7 Sep 15 - 8PM (Reply to #18)

quietude (not verified)

I don't want to hear it!

Ya cynthia, that's one thing I just don't want to hear for some time. It'll be a lonnnng time before I'm comfortable with anyone telling me anything nice or loving. Isn't that just sad?? Don't tell me I'm wonderful, that you're attracted to me, or I'm beautiful, or special, how much you love or miss me, because it's just too unbelievable right now. Just...ZIP IT! Gawd...I hope I'm not always this cynical! Stupid Narcs!!! Sorry, ranting.

#8 Sep 15 - 9PM (Reply to #19)

Barbara (not verified)

cynthia

Cynthia - it's WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS... not psychos. I realize you're abbreviating but it's sending a really bad message to the women who end up roped in by these guys. WWLP is what I use. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#9 Sep 17 - 11AM (Reply to #20)

cynthia (not verified)

sorry

sorry, I will just use WWLP as you do. I didnt mean to send a bad message to anyone, I was just being lazy in my typing, now that I look at that your right it doesnt sound very tactful, made us look bad and I apologize.,

#10 Sep 15 - 12PM

dolce (not verified)

Hey Whatever...

Hey whatever...I think you were speaking to my N! LOL If they all say the same thing, doesnt that tell you something? You did good. You said no and hung up. Good for you!

#11 Sep 15 - 10AM

whatever2009

James....

That is a great article. I think we just all wished at some point or another that we were enough, and that the disorder would just go away. I really wish he was capable of change. He also stated that he was scared to change and be with me at the same time, because then once he was different I wouldnt want him anymore. I could feel the insecurity on the phone, and just thought to myself....WOW, it would be really great if you werent a PSYCHO and part of me really wanted to believe him. Have you ever felt the insecurity in them? The hatred for themselves and hoped they would change. Im not saying its possible, Im just dreaming...

#12 Sep 15 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

James (not verified)

whatever2009

Have you ever felt the insecurity in them? The hatred for themselves and hoped they would change. Im not saying its possible, Im just dreaming... The insecurity, no because this like the mask they wear is hidden deep within themselves. For them any feeling or sense of insecurity is related to weakness which is something they will only project on others (blaming) and never themselves. Each and every insecurity is project unto a victim or some other unexpected person. The false self refuses any type of insecurity and must be denial at all cost. Hate. Yes but only once you see them for who they really are. Being unmasked will cause rage in them. Also to note in their hate they again hide their insecurities. Burying their insecurities deeper and deeper in themselves. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#13 Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #15)

dolce (not verified)

unmasking the narc

OH YES! How right you are! When unmasking the N, be prepared for some cruel revenge. Whenever I stuck up for myself and told him what he was he let loose a barrage of cruel words. He brought up my past. He tried to shame and guilt me. He turned the tables. Even used my most sensitive secrets that I confided only in him. It is very painful if you are not ready for that or if you arent aware how the narc works. At first, I did feel pity. He told me how he had a self confidence problem so naturally I thought a little therapy would work. I also encouraged him and told him that I believed in him. Well, all that may work and be helpful with a normal person, BUT NOT THE NARC! Oh no! They will destroy you first before they ever accept their actions or behavior.

#14 Sep 15 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

no insecurity

there's no insecurity in them - they only feel RAGE when they are revealed for the predators they are. they see NOTHING wrong with their behavior. they don't hate themselves - they just SAY that crap to play on your compassion. Change your phone number. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#15 Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #9)

cynthia (not verified)

no insecurity?

I thought down deep they were insecure? And that was one of the many reasons they need so much adulation and supply from others? when I was reading the book they explained they are extroverts. Here is how misinformed I was, I always thought a sociopath was someone who did not know how to be social, quiet, shy, type where crowds made them nervous, but actually when I broke the word down socio- path, we know that path is pathology meaning study of now it is clearer it simply means they are the opposite, very outgoing, very comfortable with crowds, people etc its HOW they interact with society that is pathological, they twist and manipulate others for their own purpose. Feel like an idiot, and its amazing how much psychology we need to learn to educate ourselves on them, learning that is very very important it explains almost 100% of their behavior. Barbara do you remember when you read the book a short explanation of why many of them enjoy watching their women have sex with other men while they watch? I thought it was due to just perversion but there was another reason behind it -"Alpha male persona posting as protection. Chimpanzee males will often mate guard their females tring to keep other males away from them because the females are seen as posessions This is similar to how a psychopath sees all things in life. The chimps much like the psychopaths will however give their females to other chimps in exchange for status and dominance". I imagine they must think, hey look here is my whore, go ahead and f--k her she is my property but I give you permission to use it too and at the same time it turns me on, I can watch and play with mr Happy at the same time. He wanted many times to have another man with us, you can translate his brainwashing comments: "You will love it, many women say its wonderful having two men cater to their every sexual fantasy, you will have two men do whatever you want, you will be the center of attention, the queen". Sorry when I see porn pics of two men with one women the word queen does not come to mind, more like degrade, use, and severely abuse the female gender. Simply stating any man who tries brainwashing a decent, morale woman to have sex with two men is a predator of the worst kind which says how much respect and regard he feels towards ALL women in general, the precious GF, wife, and it makes no difference if he doesnt act these things out with the GF, how would I feel if my husband went around doing these things behind my back, it wouldnt even be a question of just cheating, it would be a question of WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE? WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL AM I LIVING WITH? THIS PERSON I LOVE TREATS WOMEN THIS WAY? we are all so fixated with the other woman, gf, whoever, but sometimes we dont stop to think she is living her life with a very disturbed person and we are JEALOUS of that? Instead we focus on wondering if she's prettier, etc.... her beauty and fine qualities doesnt stop him from being a predator what makes us think our good traits would? We were never in competition with the other woman, we are in competition with his pathology and we will never never win

#16 Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

faith999

cynthia

Thank you so much for that information. My ex n would beg constantlty for me to have sex with another man. He was fine with him being involved or not.His dream was to come over my house and have me tell him my other lover just left and.....I won't disgust you with the rest. The only catch was that I could not have sex with an ex boyfriend because he did not want me to have any emotional attachment with the guy. Another catch was the guy had to respect me and not treat me like a whore.He claimed he would treat me like a queen if I did it. Thank God I never did!!In the end I caught him on Craigs list looking for sex with a couple in another country he was visiting. The dope even posted his picture from the dating web site I originally met him on.Oh and by the way he wrote he was a bisexual male looking to have sex with a couple. That was it for me!

#17 Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

cynthia (not verified)

ya they are gross aint they

thank God I never got involved with any of that with mine, but I came close enough, and that was it for me. Bisexual or bicurious? ya right that are so deviated they just enjoy watching another man with a woman period. men, women they dont care whatever sick thing it is as long as it gets them off. Ya mine said he would love me even more if I did it, sounds like a third grader, like I am going to believe that, oh ok I better do it then, ha ha ha he will love me more and degrade me more while he is at it. YA RIGHT. He would love the woman down the street more if she did it too, he would love a stranger more if they did it for them too. HE WOULD LOVE? stop right there, before you continue on with your lie you cant even love, they say the words I LOVE YOU like please pass the salt that is how much it means to them no difference. Glad you didnt participate in any of that, many have and the bastards do more damage to the victims, I know if I had lived in the same city it would have happened living LD saved me

#18 Sep 17 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

Cgrl

Yup they are gross

Mine pretty much had done all this in the past. His thing was to make money setting up a website and us having sex and people paying to watch us. He apparently had no problem with people watching him as he said he had done this in the past. He said they would not see our faces. I just let that go out the window. I would rather eat dog food than have sex with people watching me for money. Did I consider it- you know because I was so attached to him I thought for one moment that maybe if they dont see our faces- then I came to my freaking senses and thought- Im a 46 year old woman. What the hell is this-lol!! Its amazing. They damage everything about us- they manipulate us into thinking that things we would have never ever considered - we give a maybe too. They strip us of our character, integrity, honor to ourselves. I look back and I cant believe I was living with this. I allowed it. I would never ever allow this in any other relationship - hell, it never ever even came up. This is where respect comes in. They really have no respect for us. So sad.

#19 Sep 17 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

cynthia (not verified)

so sick I know

great just what we want to do have someone watch us have sex, GOD they are all alike, our dream men turned into porn stars - far cry from what I thought he was, when I met him I thought this man didnt even cuss, boy did that change, the disgusting filth, how do you like this comparison, "womens puss--s are like pig snouts, you cant hurt em". He would suggest the sickest sex, I told him how bout I just stick a salmon up your ass would you like that, ha ha ha, he probably would have liked that. Before I came to this site and before I got educated I thought I had met the biggest freak I had ever encountered that surely nobody else had ever gone thru something like this and I was ashamed. Just look at all of us they did the same thing to, they are in a class of their own arent they? Not to even know there is actually a name for these deviates narc and psychopaths, and every time someone new comes to this site I think OH NO another victim has come our way, wonder what the freak did to her or him. Some days I laugh at him, other days its far from funny, and they take this porno stuff seriously too, some of it makes me laugh I find it utterly stupid, all the sexual devices and gadgets looks like shit from a torture chamber or something. Its their world and they take it very seriously.

#20 Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

whatever2009

So Similar

Mine had said it as a "joke" one day. This guy with both know was interested in dating me, and my N said..."why dont you just bring him here and we can both do you" and before I started no contact had asked me if I had ever been with 2 dudes at the same time. He said it would be powerful for me not degrading. Funny thing is, I bet you if I would have said yes, he would have and would still be calling me a slut. Or if I would have done it with him and another he would have been competitive with the other dude, and then grilled me about which one of them was better. And last but not least be really worried that I was gonna leave him, or was now not happy with him sexually. Some how he would have turned it and used it against me...FOR SURE!!! prick.

#21 Sep 15 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

quietude (not verified)

whatever

Oops, don't you hate that? This happened to me at work a while back, I picked up my phone, and there he was. I think he was shocked he actually got a hold of me because he was pretty quiet except to say, "I just want to know you're okay", and "can we talk later?" I said, "I can't, got to go, bye". I was shocked too. Now I always look at my phone, and if I don't recognize the number, I try not to pick up...which is hard because I really should be answering my phone, and I get a lot of vendors and sales people calling me. But oh well, have to protect myself from anymore 'chance' encounters. James' article is great...they do bombard us if they want back in. It's just so sickening.

#22 Sep 15 - 9AM

James (not verified)

8. Breakup Panic "The Loser"

8. Breakup Panic "The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they plead, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten ending the relationship. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts (who feel lucky they're gone!), or threaten to quit their job and leave the area - as though you will be responsible for those decisions. "The Loser" offers a multitude of "deals" and halfway measures, like "Let's just date one more month!" They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives (they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have to), seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring (male loser technique) or inform you that they might be pregnant (female loser technique) in front of your coworkers! Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again (making you a prisoner) and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time. Please please remember number 8. If one goes back to a dysfunctional/toxic relationship next time it will be harder to disconnect from them. Don't do it! Maybe I should go and work on myself and then when Ive changed come back and try to get you again

#23 Sep 15 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

James (not verified)

The Loser and abuser

Follow up site: http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/08/thank-you-dr-joseph-m-carver-ph-d.html

#24 Sep 15 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

oy vey

this is why I tell people to CHANGE THEIR NUMBER! now you've heard his voice, you're not far enough away from the brainwashing. ARG! Thank god you answered. I miss you a lot. Im miserable without you. Are you happy, because Im not happy. Let's see how guilty I can make you feel in just a few sentences. Maybe the way I have been is because im insecure I need to work on that. I know I have been all over the place but I want you, so you need to tell me what it is you want. We need to work this out. Damn I spent a lot of time working you over, screwing with your mind & your heart. I want to mess you up worse for ripping off my false mask now!! How much lying can I squeeze into a couple minutes? Maybe I should go and work on myself and then when Ive changed come back and try to get you again. I feel very attached to you. I've been screwing around with a bunch of people. But you were GREAT supply and I already invested so much time brainwashing and controlling you, figured I come back for another dip in the pool... Right now I'm bored so I will call you again. Anything I said to you in our last conversation was just me being defensive. Im in love with you, and I want you to be a part of my life. Let me take you to dinner and we can talk about this. You figured me out! DAMN YOU!! I need to talk you into seeing me so I can hurt you and feel good about myself. How dare you get a clue! How dare you see how empty and soul less I am. Right now I'm just horny so I will say anything to anyone. Wait! I'll use the LOVE word! That always gets to you, right?? Number of times he said "I" = 15 Number of times he said "me, myself or my" = 4 Number of times he said "you" or tried to tell YOU how YOU felt = 10 (no one knows how you feel but you, yourself!) Number of times he said "we" = 2 I outweighs WE by 7 to 1. What does that say??? He's FULL OF SHIT!!! No CONTACT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#25 Sep 15 - 7PM (Reply to #4)

Fawn

He Called My Sister!!

My sister lives 4 hours away. She called last night to tell me that the ex called her and said, "Have you talked to dcrutche in the past few days?" He was very "concerned because no one is returning his calls. blah blah. My phone has been completely off for almost 2 weeks, and the kids don't answer their phones when he calls them because they don't want to talk to him. He can't seem to accept that no one wants to talk to him, ha! She said she was very matter of fact with him and cut him off, basically. Why in the hell is he calling her?

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