OMG Please help

30 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 17 - 10PM

gettinbetter

OMG Please help

I feel like I might text him. This is so not normal. What normal person would want to text someone that has ignored her for 4 months. That is not normal.

UGG just when I think Im getting a grip.... I should have never drank tonite but honestly I forgot about it all for awhile.

#2 Feb 19 - 11AM

Happy1

SOI

I hope your moment passed without contact. It doesn't do any good or make you feel any better to contact them. They won't take the pain away. We can only take the pain away. Happy

#3 Feb 18 - 8PM

Susan32

Alcohol

The ex-Psych professor would reminisce in class about the good ol' days at the University of Virginia, because it's customary there for a student to bring a bottle of wine&holds a class discussion over drinks. It turns out that it's such a common custom there that a reference to this is made in a Yelp review. When I was in the ex-P's freshman lab class, he'd often say (in class) how he wished he could bring wine to class... knowing full well MOST freshmen were under 21. During the final D&D, he was holding an off-campus class on Shakespeare's Sonnets, and there was A LOT of alcohol consumption involved. It's not like he did anything to fight the rumors of him being alcoholic. In the end, he validated them. He'd talk about how he wanted to get me drunk, and how he got carded a lot because he looked so young. Luckily, the ex-P never taught classes in the California Wine Country, where there are wineries EVERYWHERE. There are at least 5 wineries within a 10 minute driving distance of where I live. Yikes.

#4 Feb 18 - 4PM

Goldie

Yes drinking certainly lowers our defenses

I love your honestly sickofit, you are doing so well with your recovery. You are taking a good look at your part in all of this and getting beter and better everyday. I have done my absolute worst thinking regarding the narc when drinking. Also made some foolish choices after he was gone while drinking. I stopped drinking a few months ago with the exception of a few pops in Chicago and it has made a big difference in my decisions. Don't do it, don't text him, it only makes us look needy and they get off on that. You don't want him getting his rocks off at your expense. You can do it sickofit. I have faith in you. Goldie

#5 Feb 18 - 8PM (Reply to #27)

gettinbetter

Thanks goldie. Sometimes it

Thanks goldie. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it lol. I am only now getting a grip on what I have been dealing with and why behavior has been what its been. I have pretty much determined that he is a quiet borderline which is not the standard variety. I have learned that it I quite common for someone involved with a bpd to start to take on their behavior. I also learned that extreme codependents can also be misdiagnosed as bpd. I have many times read stuff on bpd and thought omg that's me except I don't self harm and I don't have a string of volatile failed relantionships but I have exhibited all of the other behaviors clinging,compulsivy contacting extreme fear of abandonment by him pure lunatic like behavior. I read when you begin to take on that kind of behavir out of the blue its a very strong indicator you have been involved with a borderline it said once you detox from them usually your behavior will return to what is normal for you. I realize all of this that a lot of the way I am feeling is his pathology. So in a way I kind of know how he feels inside because he has conducted his internal pain thru me which is a safe way for him and that way he is temporarily able to feel relief from it

#6 Feb 18 - 10AM

michele115 (not verified)

Sick of It

NO!...no you don't. I will confess, I have been in communication with the narc...and he wasn't mean, or anything...he's just a selfish NARC... I don't feel hurt anymore...in face I can see him exactly for what he is... HE BORES ME!!! He shacked up with some broad in October!!! BIG and UGLY...that is my revenge! AND, he's just so damn plastic... These guys are fake Sick of it...He's not REAL... He's play dough man!!! I was lucky because I don't give a rats tail... But please, take my advice...you will be wasting your time. You want to know how he's doing...I can tell you... He's the same! Hugs....

#7 Feb 18 - 4PM (Reply to #25)

gettinbetter

No worries

I made it thru. I know it would be same old shit different day thats even if he would speak to me

#8 Feb 18 - 9AM

neverlookback

Stay away from booze

It gets me every time!!! Even after a few glasses of wine I start to REALLY want him but that is just the old sexual hormones that kick in, well if its any consolation just think of it as the only time we want them sexually is when we are NOT completely sober, ha ha ha

#9 Feb 18 - 9AM (Reply to #23)

spinning

NLB, you did it again...

...actually made me chuckle in the midst of all this with your last scentence. It is so RIGHT ON in my case. All I have to do is think of the weird marathon so-called sex I endured, his weird fetishes, his ED, his narcissistic self-manipulation while objectifying me...yuck. I shoulda been half in the bag just in order to get through it! Love and peace to you all and thanks again for the laugh! Sincerely (unfortunately still) spinning

spinning

#10 Feb 18 - 8AM

spinning

SOI, my friend and inspiration...

...I'm so glad you made it through. There must be something going on (full moon) as I, too, have felt like trying to contact the disordered one I was involved with. Even thought of calling a mutual friend to get info. What stops me is the shred of pride and dignity I've slowly regained after the horrible D & D. Why would I grovel to someone who abused me, treated me more poorly than I've ever been treated in my life? It's crazy. I'm so glad you didn't give him the supply just so he could silent treatment you whenever he felt you were "back" where he wants you. You have saved yourself future hurt and pain and that is HUGE. Good going, SOI. Your post inspires me to stay away from anything having to do with the one who caused me such pain. Sincerely (still trying hard to stop) spinning

spinning

#11 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #21)

gettinbetter

Omg Spinning

we are always on the same page I just made a post about it being a full moon.

#12 Feb 18 - 8AM

gettinbetter

I made it thru it did not

I made it thru it did not contact him but I have to tell you it was a close one. Dont think ill be drinking again for awhile not to mention I feel completely yucky today LOL! The buzz was fun while it lasted...

#13 Feb 18 - 10AM (Reply to #19)

Alive

lol

yes the buzz is always fine until you wake up and you think shit....He was a Narc. :) take care SOI you deserve better....

#14 Feb 17 - 11PM

loveofmylife

Hey sickofit

Don't do it. You know how much pain you will feel when he decides to give you the silent treatment. It is a form of control. It is fun for him. It makes him feel powerful and special. And btw, I'm sure he has no time to respond to you, because he is busy in board meetings. (not!) Anyway, loved talking to you the other day. I just found out why Narc arranged for us to both be at this dinner at the winery a few weeks ago and why he pulled me outside to enjoy the "beautiful night" with him and flirt all night long! Just after that night, after 6 months of not contacting me (other than to ask me to do something for him) or the owner of my company.... he contacted the owner of the company to ask him for a reference...ugh.. So I guess he sensed that he didn't quite win me over that night like he had hoped... so he called the owner to give him a reference. The owner who he trashed behind his back on a daily basis, and called "the stupidest, most incompetent business owner I've ever known". (and worse) They know no loyalty other than themselves. So, once again, he acts like he is interested in me and flirts with me in a major way (e.g I'll be your servant tonight and get you wine or whatever else you want. wink wink), just as a manipulation... BECAUSE HE NEEDED A JOB REFERENCE! The bastard.

#15 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Used

loml

what a bastard!!!!!, i went back with narc once after him begging and pleading with me, 2 days later i had a letter from a probation officer, could i verify that i was a constant companion of NAME, and could i verify he wasent a danger to women...thats b/c i spoke to him for 1 hour after months of ignoring him, want to know what i said to my self. IT SERVES YOU RIGHT USED, WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN. i have now, pity his ex hasent he is in touch with her, if she uses her head, she will relize its cos i havent had contact with him for 17mnths.. if it wasent all so tragic it would be laughable.. but it aint.

#16 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #12)

gettinbetter

LOML

Lets chat again soon. loved talking to you! I think you should talk a bunch of shit about him. Just like he did you. Then act innocent just like he did. Blacklist him! You can. He deserves it. When he asks tell him you dont have any idea what he's talking about. When he brings up your relationship you say N what relationship? We had no relationship. We were friends but we had no relationship. Im sorry if you thought it was more but it just wasnt. Oh how I would love to hear you tell him that.

#17 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

loveofmylife

Call tomorrow!

We could both get some rage out!

#18 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

gettinbetter

I will try my best. I am out

I will try my best. I am out of the office tommorow as I have to be at my childs school tommorow. My Mom maybe be coming out to join me. I will do my best. Is there any particular time that is best for you? Oh did I say school activities? Oh no thats not what I meant to say. I meant to say I have a board meeting

#19 Feb 18 - 12AM (Reply to #15)

loveofmylife

Late afternoon is good for

Late afternoon is good for me.... I'm tied up in a board meeting all morning into the early afternoon. So if you call me while I'm in the "board meeting", I'll pick up the phone quickly and remind you I'm in a "board meeting" and then tell you I'll call back...and then I won't.

#20 Feb 18 - 12AM (Reply to #16)

gettinbetter

LMAO

LMAO LMAO LMAO! yes Im in a board meeting but if you really need me then call back. Go finish your cheerios Narcboy. Hey was that a dog I heard barking in background. Let me guess your special and they allow your dog in the board meetings!

#21 Feb 17 - 10PM

gettinbetter

I didnt

I know its just the alcohol making me feel this way. I keep telling myself dont do it you will only feel worse when he ignores you. So I havent. I know I really shouldnt drink but while I was there I was having a good time its only when I am up and everyone else is asleep that I have these feelings. I just read some articles BPD. I know I cant fix him. It just hurts. Not as much as it used to but it still does.

#22 Feb 17 - 10PM (Reply to #6)

sara-smile

sick of it

Been there and done this! If you text him you will wake up sober in the morning and kick your own ass! Stay strong!! It's worth all the pain you'll stir up if you do it. I learned that the hard way. I learn everything the hard way! You've done great so far so go to bed, sleep it off, and wake up in the morning proud of yourself! Hugs! Sara

#23 Feb 17 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

gettinbetter

You see even veterans like me

You see even veterans like me have a hard time. Sometimes I cant believe it all happened. He ignores me like he never knew me. I mean you come back 15 years later just to do it again??????? UGGGGGGGGGGG! I want to scream listen MOFO quit acting like you dont know me. YOU KNOW ME! We had a five year relationship. I have been pregnant with your baby and now you dont know me???? Are you freakin kidding me!!! I shouldnt drink! I wont text but sometimes the rage I feel is unbelieveable.

#24 Feb 17 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

sara-smile

sick of it

The rage scares me to death sometimes. It really does. I've NEVER felt rage towards anyone or anything like I feel towards him. I've never been this kind of person. You are doing great! You can scream anything you want to him and it still won't sink in his thick head! Hang in there! You can do this! You are a PRO!

#25 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #10)

Disillusionedx2

Stay right here SOI....

The ladies are here for you, so stick by until the urge passes, you're strong, and that’s why he chose you to begin with. Sara :) you are right on point, the rage is scary, I often have looked at the likes of Betty Broderick and Clara Harris, who both eliminated their insignificant others and wonder if I can withstand prison life, lol, of course the answer is NO! Besides, that's a lifetime of supply to the non~deserving Nut cracker! Don't do it Hun, you can make it SOI, yes...you can, best wishes!

stay~strong

#26 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

gettinbetter

I FEEL FULL OF RAGE!!!!

Tonite I feel just like that young girl I was all of those years ago. I would rage at him and on occasion he would take me to the floor and pin me down just to calm me down and some how a couple of hours later we would end up in bed together being comepletely intimate. Do normal people do that???NOOOOOO! I cant even watch that video I love the way you lie. It triggers me so bad. When I brought all that up when we reconnected his response was "I just think we really loved eachother" Do people who love eachother throw eachother to the floor because of rage then have sex an hour later. NOOOOOOOOO! I hate him for all the damage he had done to me,my parents (for having to have watched their daughter dissappear) my marriage atleast I can thank God that my husband doesnt know. For the baby we lost. For the trauma bond I have carried all these years. For my mental anguish, for the years I lost in my twenties. I HATE HIM!!! And you know what I became him. I became I raving lunatic. I threw all of those memories in a storage room and walked away and now they come back little by little. Recently I remembered that one time I was in such a rage I spit on him. I can promise you my Mom and Dad didnt raise me like that but I was so full of rage. I few years ago I had a blackout on the freeway. When I say blackout I mean I looked up and had no idea where i was. I had to pull over and sit there for a few minutes till it came back to me but I seriously had no idea where I was. couldnt imagine what would have caused that. My husband said it was stress but now I know what it was it was repressed trauma. I would bet money on it. When I was pregnant (with my husband) I had dreams of the N holding the baby I lost though I had not spoken his name or talked with him in many years. I couldnt imagine why I was having those dreams. I even discussed it with my OB. He dismissed it at prenatal anxiety. No. It was repressed truama and my pregnancy is what triggered it.

#27 Feb 17 - 10PM

alittledark

Hope you didn't text him

but I can't say anything on that matter. I just know you have come so far now. Hang in there.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

#28 Feb 17 - 10PM

fierflie

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! text me!!! now!!!

#29 Feb 17 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

fierflie

you can always call me

#30 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #3)

gettinbetter

Thx my sweet fierflie. Love

Thx my sweet fierflie. Love the pic!

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