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One more reason not to break NC - why give an exit interview?

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#1 Nov 8 - 8PM
empath
empath's picture

One more reason not to break NC - why give an exit interview?

When you break NC and try to "explain" how you feel, and how you think they should feel...you are volunteering for an exit interview. You are unwittingly teaching them how to be a better N by handing them your "hook" along with the insight of why it works. They are studying you and using everything you show them to become a more skilled predator. They will use what you've shared against you, either directly by exploiting more supply from you...or indirectly, by applying it to another unsusoecting target, and exploiting supply from them. Stop opening up to them. Don't break NC. NC is your fortress to keep you safe.

Nov 9 - 4AM
indenial
indenial's picture

i belive this is what they do

It can be quite amusing once you realise this and watch them doing it. My exn constantly mirrors my behaviour in his hoovering attempts and tries all sorts of tricks to try and "win" but it just makes him look pathetic. I can read him so well and I can only laugh at his frustration when it doesn't work. I think he will be very confused with his next target because I've given him so many different responses that he really doesn't quite know what "works". I can see now that he had a very definite plan throughout his initial targeting of me and his attempt to conquer me and when it never worked he kept trying to read me and change tactics but I constantly changed mine and defended him. It obviously worked with his last target (his wife) so he thought of course it would work with me. Well it didn't and now he's completely lost control and he hates it. There is nothing he could do to make me fall back under his spell or in love with him again. Its time he moved on but I fear like others have said here he has unfinished business with me because he never won and I sometimes think that for the rest of my life I will live in that shadow. The only way I will ever feel 100% safe is when he's dead !!
Nov 9 - 1AM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

I do believe this to be the case.

I do believe this to be the case. Each new woman and relationship adds something to the N's repertoire - we're all building blocks to the next conquest. It makes me sick that he is now more experienced and more manipulative because of my efforts to reason with him and prove my love. It all gets processed in his brain and used again for even more devious motives. Exploiting and disarming the next victim with more skill. Sick, sick, sick.
Nov 8 - 9PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Well said! Very good

Well said! Very good point! Thank you for your insight Empath!
Nov 8 - 8PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

never thought of it that way!

That is a very good point! That urge can be mighty powerful though. You just wanna let 'em have it because a person can only take so much abuse before they feel like they are going to explode.