from one newbie to the others

Hi all,

I have been on the forum for about 6 weeks (less as a member)and I was thinking this morning how much I had already learnt. It's amazing! So I wrote down some pointers that I thought might be helpful for other newbies on the forum. It would be great if other people could add their "newbie information" so we can ride the learning curve together. Here goes:

1. Read! Every time you feel tempted to get in touch with your ex or you feel overwhelmed with emotion and sadness, just use that time to read a blog or an old thread that seems useful.

2. Sometimes: don’t read! I do get to a place where I feel so overwhelmed by information that I need to NOT inform myself any more for a while. That’s OK too. Take some time away and do something physical to get back into a space of equilibrium.

3. Look after yourself. Exercise, yoga, meditation, cooking a healthy meal. Keep your mind occupied and your body healthy.

4. No Contact (NC)!! Make it easy on yourself. If you leave the backdoor open you will find yourself slipping through at some point. If you know alcohol makes you make decisions that probably aren’t in your best interest, don’t drink. Don’t think you will always be able to make the right choice in the moment, so just take the option away from yourself. Block phone numbers, block Facebook, whatever it takes. Be honest with yourself – are you finding ways of breaking NC? Read Goldie’s blog on that:

5. Don’t treat NC as a way of getting to your ex. It is about YOU. Whatever breaking NC is meant to achieve – it will not. Never. There will never be closure. Remember the last time you got in touch with your ex and afterwards you felt happy and empowered? I didn’t think so. Me neither. You now what makes me feel empowered? Putting a "NC" gold star in my journal every evening and writing a higher number. 24 today.

6. Don’t get too preoccupied with wondering if your ex is a certifiable Narc or some other PD (personality disorder) or whatever. If they made you feel like sh*t you need to not be with them. Maybe they were “just” an a*hole. So?

7. Don’t get preoccupied with wondering if your ex knew what they were doing. Here Goldie’s blog is super helpful:

Sure, feel compassion if that helps you. Just don’t change your path or course of actions. Remember you can’t love someone out of being crazy.

Hope this is helpful! I am feeling so strong today IN SPITE OF seeing my ex yesterday (she didn't see me). I was upset for a few hours, then I moved on. I never thought I would be able to do that. Thanks to everyone here for their support xoxo