One Year

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#1 Oct 17 - 6AM
anonymous1
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One Year

Exactly one year to the day I was dumped and replaced in 24 hrs flat, by my ex-N and some guy I thought was my friend.

In my years, I've experienced the death of parents, family members, friends, etc, but I don't think any "natural" occurrence, no mater how tragic, ever effected me like that.

Looking back on it, I was the perfect sucker, upending my life to move across the country, where I was used like an ugly stepchild until all my money was spent, then replaced overnight, and to top it off, there was a child in the mix, a cute little girl I really fell for, and she was ripped completely away from me and put into this other dude's arms with nary a thought, as it seems.

I got on the forums, watched every video on YouTube, I couldn't stop talking about it to the people around me (to their nausea, I'm sure) and was just generally miserable. I remember thinking, when I was 2 or 3 months on, how far away "1 year" seemed.

And, we even re connected. When she was in-between the guy she replaced me with, and another guy, (eventually to go back with the first guy again), she granted me an audience. She was 3 hours late (because she had to get a spray tan, of course), and I sat across the table from this incredibly seductive person who I realized uttered nothing but total BS all the time.

Once the fog lifts, you won't bump into the same tree again. You can't go back. You won't want to.

Well, it's been one year, and, I hate to say it, but the only thing that really, really works in this situation is time.

The problem with the stages of grief is it's almost impossible, while your in grief, to know what stage you're at. I thought I was in "anger" but I was really still in "denial." Denial lasted 5 or 6 months, but it was mixed with a lot of anger and occasional flashes of acceptance.

But eventually, I guess, your body, your mind, your system, it just relaxes again, and things return to normal. You stop being angry, you stop wishing things were different, you just accept it, and you start planning for your future again.

My advice is to use that heightened time to your advantage. The narcissist steals you from yourself, and the pain they cause is really, in retrospect, a good chance to put the focus on yourself in an intense way for a period of time. The narcissist told you what a piece of junk you were, how lucky you were to be breathing their air, and the time after the N is where you can prove to yourself that he/she was dead wrong about all that.

Make improvements in your physical fitness, throw yourself into your career, forget about finding another relationship for a while and put the focus on yourself. If we had done that properly throughout our lives, we never would have been sucked in by the narcissist, who's self-centeredness is apparent right from jump, in the first place.

1 year on, I still think about her/him/them more than I wish, mainly because we live in the same town and she's socially prominent. But whatever. It's now annoying more than anything else, and eventually, as you're mulling the N over in your mind, you just sigh and say "who cares?" and move on.

I wish there was a better, faster, remedy, and I wish it wasn't really true, but it is. Some wounds, only time can heal.

Oct 20 - 3AM
Lookforward
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Great post. Looking inside

Oct 20 - 4AM
Niels
Niels's picture

ThanksThe fact that you go

Oct 17 - 8PM
BlairoRoberto
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Closing in on one year

Oct 17 - 3PM
pattylyn
pattylyn's picture

My story is the same

Oct 17 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Buzz

Oct 17 - 8AM
thebigpayback
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i agree, however, time does