The pain coming here to write instead of unblocking

I ended up blocking his number last night. So much is going through my head. Fighting the urge to unblock him to tell him how angry I and how much he hurt me....I know it would just feed his ego so I am not going to but I'm in pain..... The reality of him never really caring ... Than back to questioning myself all over again. I know it takes time ... I just don't wang to cry myself to sleep or have that anxiety of feeling like what if ..... Ugh the first day of NC is rough. I won't give in to my pain this time. I simply can't ... Thanks for listening