Panic attacks about "checking"

Okay, so here it is. Trying to deconstruct some of my thoughts and feelings as day 1 of 2014.

I have NO desire to check or see anything further about xN. Life is going really well right now, I have been enjoying the peace and calm and progress has been gifting me daily.

Yet, I get these random panic attacks. Just had one so I thought I'd share.

So for whatever reason I used to check OW's Instragram with one type of internet browser (mozilla firefox vs. internet explorer which I use for all other web browsing). The reason......who knows. Some type of pseudo OCD, trying to compartmentalize my life, or as a way of controlling my behavior to reduce anxiety. Not 100% sure and I'm assuming a psychiatrist would have a hay day with that lol. Anyways, if I open that browser type even if by accident, a rush of panic sweeps over me. I am so terrified of looking even though I have no desire to - or maybe I do, and I'm pushing it out? In denial? Scared I'll succumb to impulses as I used to in the past?

Anyways, the feeling is temporarily debilitating...my heart races, adrenaline pumping, body gets very warm, extreme nausea - almost like a stab into my stomach. I've even had tears come on from it. Even once I've closed the browser, I continue to get these waves of anxiety for the next few hours. It's highly disruptive of my day.

Sorry, when I write this out it sounds so bizarre haha. I'm just trying to figure out how to overcome this. If anyone has any thoughts about this, please share.