peaceatlast's story

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peaceatlast
peaceatlast's picture
peaceatlast's story

Is it just me or do they take away your ability to trust??

Hi to everyone on here, especially at this time of the year. The site has been an inspiration and support to me and i am now a 20 whole days of NC initiated by me. I don't think he believes this is it.

Yesterday he text me at 1am after the familiar pattern of nothing then messages. This time it was as if we were still in a relationship and as if he was being a normal loving man...eg, he text to tell me how beautiful the snow was and how he was thinking about us!Er, I have ended it?

I was able to see the message objectively for what it was, ie manuipulative behaviour as it's Xmas and he needs attention and supply from me. I was even able to read it then go to sleep thinking typical narc pattern. However, this morning I am sad. Sad that what should have been a loving message, was not, but was something entirely horrible and yuk.As i now know, he is a narc I could read it and not be emtionally affected by it but now i am wondering if i will ever be able to TRUST again???It's as if my experience of him ( 4 yrs) has tainted me and i won't ever be able to read a loving message again and not analyse it and be suspicious. Like you have had your 'innocence' taken away???

It's necessary to view their behaviour like this but it scares me.Any hints folks for how to get my head around this?? Happy Christams by the way to all on here. It's a life saver.

agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture
His text message
At 1 a.m. in the morning was: "I'm horney. &, are you sure you're not available for nookie?" Forget the snow & thinking about you. He does not think about you. Every message. Read carefully. It's all about him. If he's an N, and you go back to him, he will punish you even more after the honeymoon. If your prize dog jumps the fence, and you get him back, you build a higher fence. And the dude sends a text message in the middle of the night! Not a florist with a bouquet of roses at 1 p.m. & a note begging forgiveness for whatever he did that made you cut him off with no contact. If he contacts you more, I'd change my number, e-mail account, anything he will do to contact you. Maybe you'll get lucky & he'll just disappear. Stay strong. If you really want to get away from an N, & it's truly over in your mind, then NC is the only way to go.
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture
Welcome peaceatlast
Welcome... get into therapy with a TRAUMA COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY - call a DV Center if you need to get an advocate ASAP to get this man completely out of your life - NOW - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - PLEASE read the stories of others on SHARE YOUR STORY. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do! Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. It will also help you see the pattern of their INCURABLE PATHOLOGY - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting, as well - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers NO CONTACT! Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP... Healing takes at LEAST 18 months and you will need support & help from a professional. Please get it ASAP. again YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong.
Amazed
Amazed's picture
Peaceatlast and your Ability to Trust
Peaceatlast I am so glad you are seeing the manipulative txts for what they are, a tool to manipulate you, keep you brainwashed and stuck in a rut on him. He will use all these tactics to keep you down, under his thumb. SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS. Seperate yourself from what he is saying and don't allow yourself to be subjected to this ploys to reel you back in. He is not to be trusted. You have evidence to this. Remember that everytime he tries to contact you. Also realize that there are good, honest, productive, high integrity guys out there. Narc is NOT one of them. Look beyond the superficial. It is hard for us to sense this, since we have been conned and manipulated for years by their evil. You will see good guys, who pride themselves on being good, honest, caring, contributing to a relationship. Refuse to believe that all guys are like the Narc. He is pathological, and you have just learned this and that is a huge step in the right direction for you. Keep it up!