Please help

You toss this guy out of your house. If he doesn't leave, then you call the police. Are you afraid of him? Questions below about DV. Emotional & psychological abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Always threatening to leave if YOU don't do what he wants is abuse. Mine did that. Submitting to sex because you are afraid? Sounds like emotional rape to me. Submission. Mine was always threatening to leave me if I did not do what he wanted. One day, I broke. I agreed. He said fine. Got up to do his stuff. A little later he passed me in the hall of the house as if he didn't know me & had not a care in the world. I said, since we are divorcing, I am sleeping in the other room. Boy, he did an about face. He went off to a business trip. I told him before he left that we would sort out the divorce when he came back. He was like OK. When he came back, he was all lovey-dovey. I said, nope. Then he went BALLISTIC! Leaving a narcissist is a NIGHTMARE! I became afraid for my life. I should have called the police. We were married. He robbed me & broke my possessions. Replaced me with a new woman the day I left the house which I co-owned. He started to line her up when he realized I meant business--he had her in place in less than a week. Changed the locks & she moved in. You be very careful. This guy is very manipulative. He may become very fragmented & disorganized if you dump him. I think these ladies below are right. You need to discuss with some DV specialists how to get out of this situation. You are going to need to be very organized & execute the plan fast. Discussions with this guy could be impossible.

Oh, oh...this is horrible. I know what this feels like. This describes my husband exactly. It didn't get this bad with me and him, but that is because I I've experienced it before and could see it coming. I too, kept things to myself. I remember telling my sister about some things when they happened and her advice was always just to try and make it work because I was pregnant. It was dumb advice, but I don't blame her as she was in a similar situation. I always put on a brave face and pretended everything was awesome. I remember on Christmas eve we went to a party and I saw an old friend and was talking to him in the quiet part of the bar. It was very innocent and when my husband approached I introduced him immediately and tried to include him in the conversation but he stalked off, angry. I ignored it and kept socialising and he started yelling at me from outside the bar saying he wanted to go. He refused to say goodbye to my friends who I hadn't seen in 6 months and had been so nice to him and I left quickly to avoid a scene. He started screaming at me in the street and shaking me (I was pregnant!) and crying that he couldnt believe I had done that to him. In his mind, I had only gone to the christmas party to see this guy I had been talking to! It was really embarrassing. That kind of thing happened constantly after that. He would draw conclusions from the strangest places. A guy I knew might walk past my work while I was inside and my husband would see him and conclude that the guy must be coming to meet me and that we were having an affair, then he wouldnt speak to me for two or three days. I was completely powerless to control it, although I tried so hard to do the right thing! Then he would just want to have sex with me 6 or 7 times a day and when I said I was tired, he called a prostitute that was advertised in the paper and put her on speaker phone while he asked her about rates and 'packages'. The thing that helped me was going to see a counsellor. I saw her once and she said that I was in an abusive relationship. It didn't sink in though until the next day when I realised he had stolen my diary and refused to give it back. He would take it out and read it in front of me or read parts out loud to me while I would cry. I kept asking him why he was doing this to me, why he was doing this to our unborn child and he would just tell me to leave our child out of it. He couldn't empathise with me or see that he was hurting me. Seeing that counsellor had given me strength though. I got on my bike and rode to the river with my phone and I called my best friend who I'd been keeping things from. I was really embarrassed to admit what had been happening, but once I did...whoa, it felt much better. My friend was very supportive and I cried a lot, I think it helped that my friend had been in a relationship with a psychopath years ago and knew what people were capable of. She was very realistic and she said "you have to get him to leave somehow". I guess I was lucky too, because my husband was only on a tourist visa and one of his favourite things to do was threaten me with his going back home to his country and leaving me alone. When I got home, I said that it might be better if he went home for a few weeks, and he just went nuts. He said he was leaving me for good and I would be sorry, and he got on a bus and went to the airport where he spent the night, before catching his plane the next morning. He abused me non stop for the next 24 hours and even called me repeatedly at work saying the filthiest things to me. He sent me messages like "I am so freezing here, its your fault I am here" which started off his big story that I had kicked him out and was an evil bitch who just wanted to have sex with as many men as possible. When I texted back that he should wear his jumper to keep warm, he replied that it was at the bottom of his bag...he just wanted to suffer and let everyone know he was suffering and blame it on me. It was mental! Once he got home, it took only 24 hours before he was calling me and messaging me begging to come back to me saying he loved me and he was so depressed. He had all his friends emailing me and texting me from over there, some of them American and British, all saying how much he loved me and didnt know why I didnt want to be with him. His method was to push me and harass me until I gave in. Previously, I had always given in, but this time I had the advantage of him being overseas, so it was easier. I thought I was safe after he left, and the longer he was gone, the better I felt...although I still cared for him and missed him. Then I fell prey to another narc!! If you manage to get out of this relationship, be so careful about who you take up with afterward...they are drawn to vulnerability like flies to honey.... With a situation like this, the best thing to do is take it one step at a time. It really does help to talk about it...and try to reconnect with your friends again, if they are truly friends, they will understand once you explain, and they will support you, and its all about your posse, he is afraid and intimidated by you having friends. Support will help you take further steps and reclaim your power. You can do this! I am here for you... :)

He's a manipulator - he's playing with your mind and he's violating your body. He makes up crazy accusations. He stalks you. (showing up at your job!) He coerces you into sex. He keeps track of your comings & goings. He lies to you. You feel threatened by him. You are a wonderful, loving woman. You are an amazing person. You are worth a lot! He is a psychopath. His demeaning words & behavior attack your self-esteem. He's an abuser. An a*hole. A manipulator. Come here to the boards to find reminders of how beautiful a woman you are, and how DISTURBED and ABNORMAL your partner is. My ex-N situation is much 'milder' than yours, but I'm still reeling in pain and come here every day to seek support, clarity & sanity. These boards are a godsend. These boards are a safe, supportive place to be. I can only imagine how scared you are - he is not safe. I agree with the other posters - he needs to move out ASAP. If you need assistance with that, look up domestic violence assistance in your area. Such organizations will definitely help you kick him out. They will help you so that it's done safely. They've dealt with men like him before. Take care of yourself and get the help you need to kick him out of your house. You need to feel safe on so many levels, and that won't happen until he's out of your home. And again, contact a domestic violence assistance organization that will help you 'remove' him in a way that protects you and keeps you safe. Hugs, Leah PS - Remember that you're a beautiful, loving, lovable, intelligent, wise and brilliant woman. All his words are abuse & lies.

I didn't live with mine. You are going to have to ask him to leave. This is not healthy. My friend just got out of a similar situation. It took for him to beat the hell out of herfor her to wake up. Please seek counseling to get him out. Until he's gone you can't begin to move on. My friend is doing great now that the toxic material is out. You can do it!

Sheesh, they really suck the life out of you, don't they? Your feeling like you need to please him for some reason. I did too, I get that, it was horrible. These type of men really are great at making us feel some sort of guilt when we have done nothing wrong. It's important to know and own the fact that this is not your fault. Your a kind and giving person and he exploited that. That is unexcuseable. You mentioned that your a smart, successful woman, and that is exactly the type of woman they seek out to brainwash. The fact that your reaching out on the boards for help is a very good sign that you are heading in the right direction. I remember being fed up with my life with my HN. It is the start of a better life that you know you deserve. After talking to him about what is inexcusable, he would change for a day or so and it was always the same old treatment. Read everything you can about NPD. Be aware of who your up against. It's really amazing how alike these men are. I went to therapy and begged for some insight from the PHD. He gave me some pamphlets, and a book suggestion. I read those but I still didn't understand. Then I read Lisa's book and started to post my questions here. I finally started to get it and it all made sense. This man doesn't trust you? Why? You didn't cause that, nor do you deserve it. He sounds very insecure and immature. I'm so sorry about how your feeling. We have all been there. Please ask all the questions you need. Support is important and we will support you! XOXO

Oh God, this sounds so familiar nh. I know you dont want to hear this, but with Ns, it is always projection that you are dealing with. If he is accusing you of cheating, it probably means that he either is himself or he's contemplating it. Narcs are not normal, and e Remember that he has no empathy. He thinks that everyone is like him, so if he is doing something evil, he thinks everyone else is too. When you are filled with self-loathing, you loathe everyone else & expect the worst from them. Get out, now. This is no way to live. It is soul-sucking living with someone so filled with self-hatred. It spills over onto everyone around them.