Power struggle with narcs

Many of us here (inc myself) are v affected by what the narcs do/dont do and we felt helpless. The narcs seems to be leading the "show" and we got dragged along unwillingly. It seems that we are the perpetual victim and all we can do is defend nc nc nc. We got tired and felt like a loser. Narcs play ruthless games like ow, triangulations, hoovering etc. All these are excruciating pain for us.

I asked the old monk all these questions. He smiled and did not answer me. He gave me pointers that lead me to this which helps me alot. He said the answers are all within ourselves we just need to find it.

1. You are NOT a helpless victim. You are beautiful with a great personality. That is what attracted the narc to you in the first place. An intelligent, beautiful person is a lethal weapon. You are more than what you think u are.

2. You are affecting the narc. Everyone has emotions inc the narcs. That explains how they hoover. If they dont, take heart that they are just trying to put up a cold front to fool u to hurt u into believing they dont care. BUT the difference is how you "wish" the narc is being affected and how the narc actually feels. You wish the narc to miss you, realise their mistakes and sincerely apologise. The reality is narc feels he is not in the wrong and he might decide to want/dont want u. So those who are like me, wondering if the narc "cares", YES they do not in the way you want.

3. How the narc seems to gain an upper hand? We all remember at the beginning we have the upper hand, narcs were chasing us. Then we accepted them, we gave and gave and gave. Thr narcs took all the can. They then start to see us for "the bundle of goodies" that they can get outa us. Once they think there's no more (can be beauty, sex, money etc) they dump us. The more we try to cling onto them the more they looked down on us = more abuse. So, we need to be strong, stand on our own and be that beautiful intelligent confident person again. The power to "take back". This is NOT to attract the narc back, this is to reclaim our power and energy within ourselves. Only with this positive self we can move on to better things and not get into another unmerry go round with the narc or another jerk.

4. The character, morality, habits, point of view are set in an adult. No one can change them. Only they themselves can change. So if you think the narc can change because u give more love more care more this and that. You are wrong. No one change another. Even if it does, it is only temporary. The change must come from within. Like how u read stories of drug addicts who kicked the habit, they must want the change. So, accept that the narc dont change for u or anyone else. You cannot help him. Gain back your power by disengaging the narc. Your refusal to "help" him anymore give you the sense independent power.

5. Adults do not change unless there is a fundamental shift that happens within themselves. You sort of treat your friends in a particular way etc. Same for the narcs. If they treated u and all his exes the same, no diff for the new woman. If your narc is a womanizer like my ex narc, they will continue. Just a matter of time it all runs the full cycle again. Leave the ow outa your mind, dont let the narc use the ow to have a hold on your heart via jealousy. You disengage and throw that out, the truth is the narc will be jealous of u. At that time, whether he is jealous of u, it doesnt affect you anymore.

Conclusion is no you are not powerless or helpless. Your power is in your own hands. Regain that by disengaging with the narc and rebuilding yourself.