Prinseis33's Story

don't kno where to start lol I've been reading about N's on and off for about a year. When I started, a lot of things began to make a lot of sense. However, I was looking for any little indications that "nooo see he's not an N, its gotta be just me...he's just a little N. There's gotta be something wrong w me that I'm staying involved with someone who doesn't treat me terrible, but certainlyyy doesn't treat me right!" Anyways, it all started just over 5 years ago, I just got out of a long relationship that I needed to get out of for different reasons..not because he was an N lol so I had NO initial attraction to the N (of the past 5 years) but somehow his mind games made me interested haa sick! And it helped me finally end the previous 8 year relationship I wanted out of but didn't know how...anyways in the begining the N wanted to take me out, act right and I was scared, not ready, and again not attracted to him so I kinda blew him off but still text with him. Then, something changed and I thought I wanted him and his "nice" offers well that's when he totally started with the mind games. Played interested, yet not and I initially thought it was just because I originally kinda blew h
im off! I admired certain things about him but those things are a dime a dozen and worthless now..I finallly gave in to just having a sexual relationship with him, (btw the sex has NEVER been good) although I really wanted a relationship w him which always created a problem and fights btwn us but I always ended up settling for the sexual relationship in hopes someday it could change! In the first few years it was always me chasing him and fighting for more...while he stayed involved but rarelyyy put any effort to make the situation continue! (Now days that has changed but ill get to that) we fought always for control and that I wanted more! We would go out to the same places and hed pretty much ignore me because we were always fighting, intentionally flirt w any girls to upset me and I'd run back to him and see him the same night! Now days I am certain I am the only girl he's been sexually involved with and no longer go out where he goes but the few times I had recently, he would still go out of his way to talk to anyyy girls to get a rise out of me! There was a point in time where things got "better" after 6 months of not speaking at all! Things were only "better" because I stopped trying and accepted the veryyyy little he offered and waited for him to contact me and let things be on his terms! Which meant hed contact me on fridays and wed hang out by one of our houses and nothing at all exciting but I was comfortable! (This was last year then on and off til this year) sometimes wed communicate over like the whole weekend but I totalllly stopped intiating and let everything be on his terms! Then a few times in the past year I got real tired of the on his terms and only talking on weekends! I was certain I was the only girl in his life so I excepted the crumbs but never could really be satisfied and triedddd to break things off a few times over the past year but he would wait a week or two and be back unchanged and I'd eventually give in and start seeing him again only to repeat the cycle and try to break away soon
er then the last time! I know I don't want this crazy situation anymore with someone who can't have a REAL relationship or admit they're feelings for me or consider my feelings one bit! However I have tried everythinggggg to move on and be done and move on! I've tried writing a letter, sitting him down and talking, I blocked his number (which made me crazy) I recently was strongr then everrrr and ignored him every weekend for over a month but eventually I go back to his nothing and once he knows I'm back he's just eh cool, calm and laid back! There's SO much more if u want more details! But I'm at the end of my rope and don't kno what to do :-/ why can't I be done n block out someone who barely shows they care for me until I'm actively trying to cut him out?! And even if he stops for a week trying, I end up running back and trulyyyy can not explain why