Profile of your narc's victims

34 posts / 0 new

Last post

#1 Nov 18 - 5AM

BlueMist

Profile of your narc's victims

Hi,

I am interested to find out what were the common traits of the women your narc chased.

Myself: Bachelors degree in Economics, coming from a poor family, normal-looking, not beautiful, hard-working.

Next victim: Rich daughter of an entrepreneur. Daddy paid for her studies and she end up getting a dentist diploma from a private uni (off the record: diploma mill). Owned her own apartment and luxury car. Parents own a superb villa.

Next victim: Daughter of a high ranked officer in public administration. Graduated in Finance and Banking, currently working in a well known bank as a Customer Relationship Manager.

Next victim/current wife: Doctor, more I don't know. When I saw her pic I remained speechless. She was....looking like me?! Striking similar physical features. Only her legs were longer. I suppose I was too short for his standards???
So he really spoke the truth, he has what he wants in the end. A copy of me, only richer. :))

Looking back I see I was an exception, I didn't have the cash. Only 2 old retired parents, one terminally ill with cancer.

#2 Jan 1 - 11AM

Gravity

Bluemist

So what you're saying is he only dates women that can benefit him in some way.. what a shock!! Thats the common denominator here.. he only dates women that he feels can give him something. Maybe you didn't have the cash, but you certainly had something he wanted which was empathy and compassion. That's all any of the victims share. They can be old, young, ugly, pretty, fat, skinny.. it DOESN'T MATTER. All that matters is that they were there, they gave him supply at the moment, and when they stop giving him supply he'll find someone else. It's really that simple.

#3 Jan 1 - 11AM

Redhead

At the risk of sounding arrogant...

I'm the prettiest & most affluent victim that I know of. I have a master's degree. I'm very successful in my career. I come from a well-respected and hard-working family of farmers & ranchers. I'm a red-haired caucasion & little chunky - but I exercise & try to eat healthy. I take good care of myself. I'm very empathic & am blessed with the best friends a gal could have. New woman: Obese hispanic female who is very manipulative. She has a high school education & makes a third of what I do. She has two adopted children that she adopted with her successful ex-husband. Probably did this for financial security since she was seeing my hubby at the time. Most of her coworkers barely tolerate her. She's about six years younger than me. She looks older.

#4 Jan 1 - 8AM

Goldie

You are not speaking to the inner self

These profiles you illustrate are all externals, they look more to the inner workings of their victims. http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/12/07/what-kind-spousematepartner-likely-be-attracted-narcissist God bless, Goldie

#5 Jan 1 - 11AM (Reply to #28)

ladywithatruck

Goldie is right

It is the personality not the looks necessarily or even the woman's interests or values. He is looking for someone who is trusting and compassionate, as I stated already in a previous comment. When I was with my ex N he constantly had personal ads on internet dating sites ranging from casual sex to looking for love and commitment. He wants one woman who is home waiting for him, as my ex called me, "the sure thing", but he has no intention of being faithful and really doesn't see anything wrong with having women or sex on the side. In his mind as long as he doesn't get caught he isn't doing anything wrong. You have to remember the narcissist is an illusion, he morphs into whatever the woman of his desire wants. I would read his ads and his communication with women and shake my head; he presented himself to be something totally different than who he was. He presented himself as much more successful than he was but what he was looking for really had no consistency. He wants to have a sexual relationship, he will pretend to love kids if the woman has kids, if she has dogs he is a dog lover, if she is christian he is also, if she is charitable so is he. I found it rather interesting that when he came back to me after a year I could tell he was having a hard time remembering all the traits I loved about him. He was with another woman and had morphed into the man she wanted him to be and a lot of the things I had fallen in love with were gone; when I brought it up they reappeared. His mom is very christian, I was also so we talked a lot about God, we prayed, he knew the bible inside and out. His new woman is not into religion and is into metaphysics. They went to visit his mom and refused to go to church with her and was telling me about it as if I would agree with him. I told him I couldn't believe he would refuse to go to church with his 80 year old mother. Would it have killed him to take an hour to do something important to her. He also was critical of a christian friend of ours and I mentioned I couldn't believe he was talking that way about this fellow. Next thing I know he's changed back into a christian. (With me)we lived in abject poverty when ever we were together because he couldn”t keep a job and pissed off our landlord and we would have to move. Now he's with a woman that owns her home and he is telling me he's changed and how successful he is. I said you aren't successful; the woman you are with is successful. To him he is whatever the woman represents. Sure he'll date a crack whore and have a christian woman also, he'll be the family man to one woman and the rebel without a cause to a 19 year old sweetheart on the side. My ex had a woman in Calgary he was living with, me in BC, and women in towns between. He was telling 6 women he loved them and we were all different. The hardest part of the relationship with the narcissist is you will not get any answers, he doesn't make sense, he isn't consistent except in the fact that he is evil and no matter who he is with, no matter what he says or does or how things appear; he is evil and will do or say anything to get what he needs and wants. I used to read his personal ads and think "why would he go after this woman, they have nothing in common". It doesn't matter because he will be whatever she is looking for, tell any lies necessary to get her; once he has her he is confident he can keep her through manipulation and intimidation and just in case he can't he'll make sure he has one waiting in the wings. He can be screwing around on a woman and still expect that all the women he is involved with to be faithful to him. They look for whatever it is they are lacking at the time so it can change from woman to woman. They want someone that will further their career, or give them credibility, or has money and the vehicle, or connections, or sex.

#6 Jan 1 - 11AM (Reply to #29)

Goldie

Your description here is completely accurate; chilling isn't it?

Totally accurate, LWT. Is this truck of yours available to pick them up with a forklift and toss then over a big cliff? Just wondering......... They do this with everyone and everything, jobs, male friends, the whole bit. When my X came by to pick up the rest of his stuff, he was completely different already and he had morphed into his NEW MALE FRIEND, it was astonishing to witness. He went from his phoney bullshit personna for me in a few short weeks to: OUTWARDLY PORNO BOY!!! Even his face and voice looked and sounded different. He was NOW wearing a shirt from A strip club at the Casino, YES the DIPSHIT was wearing this shirt OUT IN PUBLIC for all to see. He NOW had a NUDE PORNO STAR as his phone screen for ALL TO SEE!!! When I approached his car, trying to get his stuff out of my house fast. He had, sitting on the seat FOR ALL TO SEE a PORNO DVD, AND a shotglass from the..........you got it, STRIP CLUB. Now this was all coming from a man who for 2 YEARS claimed that he was NOT a SEX ADDICT and did NOT frequent strip clubs. I said to him, YA KNOW DIPSHIT, strip clubs are for SUCKERS it is ALL ABOUT soaking you dry of your money. He got silent and could not respond for several seconds and said. I know this, I did not go there, MY NEW "FRIEND" went there and gave me all this stuff. It was without a doubt, the freakiest thing I have ever witnessed firsthand in my life. I had heard enough about this sort of thing from others, yet to see it for myself fisthand, was: DOWNRIGHT CHILLING, right then and there, I lost all interest in this guy, on ALL LEVELS. He was EXACTLY what LWT has described. Gone completely was the phoney facade which I had known for 2 years. Many of us never see this because we do not witness them in their other environments and if we were to show up there, they would quickly shew us out or go into their "safe neutral personna's." God bless, Goldie

#7 Jan 1 - 12PM (Reply to #30)

ladywithatruck

You Hit The Nail On The Head

Not many people mention that it affects all areas of their lives. My ex would make a new guy friend and all of a sudden he was interested in everything that guy was, he'd be calling the guy numerous times a day, giving him things, basically idolizing the guy, he took on the new guys beliefs, values, it was kinda creepy,(I actually wondered at times if he was gay)he would do anything to get in the guys good books and then after a couple of months the guy would accuse him of stealing or something and the friendship would end. He had very few local friends, most of the friends he had were from his hometown and rarely saw him so he told them what he wanted them to believe. Any local friends laughed behind his back because he was such a bull shitter. He was adopted and at 32 found his biological mom and step siblings. He went for a visit and next thing they know he's quit his job, packed up everything he owned and moved lock stock and barrel 1/2 way across the country and expected to live with his mom and stepdad. His sister told me the family was not impressed because they thought he was a bullshitter. Apparently he told them he had containers coming with all his stuff and gifts for all the family members but they never appeared. He stole from them and created all sorts of havoc causing problems and fighting between the whole family. He had been kicked out of the house when he met me, they all thought that he must have changed because I was responsible, mature, generally a nice person. I gave him credibility and respectability and it got him back in with his family. I found all this out after we split. But the first time I went with him to visit them I felt an under current, an elephant in the room that I didn't understand because he had told me how thrilled they were that they had found him, but I just didn't feel it. Later he told me it was because they didn't like me so I felt bad but it was all a lie, he told them I didn't want to come with him to visit. He didn't want me to et too close to the family because we might blow his carefully orchestrated life. I got to know them after we split and they are great people and helped me a lot getting back on my feet. He'd start a new job and be the star employee, he'd put in unbelievable hours, they would be genuinely thrilled about their good fortune to find this guy, and it was always the best company he had ever worked for. But it wouldn't be long before someone would be intimidated by him (his words) and trying to make trouble for him. Usually he was fired before his 3 month probation was over and always accused of stealing. (Falsely of course) I said to him, "a person can only be "falsely" accused of stealing so many times before you gotta think there's something to this. If I was you I'd want to figure out what I was doing to make people think I was stealing. Hmmmmmm maybe!!.... Stop taking things that don't belong to you!?" It is sad really because they can not relate to the most basic of emotions and you can watch them try to pick an appropriate emotion for the occasion, if he couldn't figure it out he'd say, "I don't know what to say about that". He was passive aggressive also, he'd take something or destroy something of yours if he was angry with you. If he was pissed at a friend next thing you know the guy is missing tools etc, probably why he took things at work too. I stopped trying to figure him out.that's what I've found to be the hardest part, nothing makes sense. It is so hard to get my head around the fact that it was all an act. Because we all have emotions and a conscience we just can not grasp that he doesn't. But he doesn't he is a shell, an intelligent cynical evil chameleon who derives pleasure from your pain; if he can hurt you he knows you care; more ns. I have rambled long enough sorry! Happy New Year! And oh yeah Goldie maybe we could gather them all in one place by saying they are nominated for some award like, "The sexiest Man award" and then you can drive the front end loader and I'll have the truck running, you shove them in and I'll dump them over a cliff. Haha

#8 Jan 1 - 12PM (Reply to #31)

Goldie

Are ya sure we are not talking about the same guy here?

Never have I heard one so completely described as my X before as what you just described. The whole job thing, the gay thing, the stealing, the star at the job, the family thing, my X is 30 years old, an auto mechanic and everything you said is him. RUN don't walk to the nearest EXIT and be grateful you made it out ALIVE!!! God bless, Goldie

#9 Jan 1 - 9AM (Reply to #27)

Winter

I agree with you Goldie

Thank you also for the link to your blog post. Very insightful and wise. Made me think. Love Winter

#10 Jan 1 - 8AM

Victim-no-more

Mine seemed to like the

Mine seemed to like the bottom of the barrel, trashy, skanky, crack-ho types.......im the complete opposite from the shanks I have been made aware of in the last two years.....puzzling to me.

#11 Jan 1 - 12AM

ladywithatruck

Profile of My ExN's Victims

The first woman was older, married, beautiful, and independently wealthy. He was with her from 14 yrs old to 28 yrs old. He just didn't come home one day, he remained in contact with her until she died recently. Next 17 year old girl who was datng his friend and he horned in when they had a fight. Got her pregnant and hit her. Her parents took her out of there. She needed a restraining order and eventually left town to get away from him. Very slim, petite, pretty. Next very pretty, no sure of age christian girl. He left and never said goodbye nothing but still calls her. The one after that was married, very pretty and the town slut he left town. Me I am 6 yrs older, tall, pretty, slim, had a good job, together 10 yrs. I left him many times finally he found someone else and left me. Women he dated while with me: A widow his age and sick with MS. She was pretty, sexy, lots of money 21 year old black woman living in Sudan he met while doing volunteer work there. He was 46. Very beautiful, very young, he promised he'd bring her to Canada but came home to me. Now with an average looking woman same age as him. She is widowed and has money. He is driving her car, moved in 3 weeks after meeting her and has lost 7 jobs in 8 months.

#12 Dec 31 - 11PM

Im_always_fine

He completely broke his

He completely broke his pattern with me. He has always liked them married and brunette. He's attracted to women with rotted teeth for some reason or maybe it's just their less affluent backgrounds(no dental work)Those are the ones he sets up house keeping with. THEN he likes to SNEAK around with FAT welfare moms. Married or not...they just have to be desperate! Fat, unemployed, ill mannered, drunken, there's a few with criminal pasts (prison time)and he married a prostitute once. His X's are a Gerry Springer cast line up. I am the ONLY woman who has NOT come into his life through an affair. His or hers. I am the only woman who's parents weren't divorced. I am the only one who'd ever seen the inside of a gym and didn't have bunch of kids by a bunch of baby daddy's. He disgusts me. I'D HAVE NEVER TOUCHED HIM if I'd known where he been.

#13 Dec 31 - 10PM

foreverfun1

i'm average size but i found

i'm average size but i found a bunch of ads he put on craigslist looking for BBWs, black or hispanic. he claimed in each ad that he preferred their type, he's tall blond blue eyed and fit but always complained that i didnt have a huge ass. and loves to watch fat women on tv, its creepy. he has 2 kids he put up for adoption that he had with a black woman.

#14 Nov 19 - 3PM

Amiee

Very interesting

Very interesting concept...his wife (not ex he lied and is still married) was an accomplished musian in Korea and I surmis hie controlling behavior resulted in her not playing any more...I am a BS, working professional, I don't make a lot of money, consider above average looking, my family is established and well respected int he community. My friends say he was with me for my looks, he said my brains, I think I gave him credibility... Hope was 19, no job, borrowing money from him which I thought was odd, DUH, cute, but he is 50 and to score with a 19 yo (no way to say it but creepy). I am sure she knew about me and fed his ego? JoAnne is wealthy, unattractive (he told me that sex with her was like doing a dude, TMI), older than him, and thought she was getting a prize I am sure but a noted phtographer. He wanted to be a photographer... And Pamela, she is 44, pretty, accomplished professional VP of a large publishing house. She also has a penachance for narcissists. I saw comps he had run on JoAnne and Pamela's property. It was never about any of us but what we had that he could take from us or what we could do for him.

#15 Nov 19 - 10AM

Soldier Girl

Profile car owners

Black white brown large petite young to old straight bi good looking not good looking and they don't know about each other oh I forgot poor to home owners and he prefers car owners and will leave for a better car owner so he can drive their car to go see his supply

#16 Nov 18 - 6PM

Susan32

More like a buffet

The ex-Psych prof's victims varied, not only in looks, but gender. Previous victim: Brunette, plump, she is one of his colleagues and a fellow professor Another previous victim: Strawberry blonde, dandy, HE was one of his colleagues and a fellow professor. He had worked at Gallaudet with the deaf, very talented. He has moved on to be an attorney. Myself: I was a brunette college student at the time, tomboyish, no accomplishments. The previous two had gone to grad school) I had been in high school orchestra, wrote poetry for the school magazine, been in the school paper/journalism class. At the time, I was *POTENTIAL.* Another concurrent victim: A male student, wore wife beaters and torn jeans. He was shorter than the ex-P, had five o' clock shadow. Another *POTENTIAL.* Current wife: Brunette, tomboyish, looks like me. When I met her, it was like looking into a mirror. She had worked at LACMA prior to moving in with the ex-P in New Mexico. She is a scientist/curator.

#17 Nov 18 - 2PM

peaches

Sick parent

I'm sorry your parent is terminally ill with cancer. I went through that with my Dad. I am very grateful I wasn't spinning with my N when my Dad needed me at his bed side. I can look back and know I was there for my Dad when he needed me.Now I often think about what my Dad would do to the N who treated his little girl like crap. Best wishes to you.

#18 Nov 19 - 12AM (Reply to #17)

BlueMist

Peaches

My father passed away in 2006. When he received the diagnose, I was involved with exN.I was spinning and very hard. My father saw this since the beginning of my r/s with exN. I just didn't want to listen. He was so furious seeing me getting dressed and all pretty for exN. I would sneak back at late hours in our family home just not to face my dad. At the time I was thinking ''it's me and Narc against the mean mean world''. My father struggled with cancer for almost 2 years. During the 7-8 months before his death, exN ignored me completely. Anybody who experienced the trauma of losing someone dear to cancer,can testify that the last ''metastatic'' months are excruciating for the family. During the worst time of my life, Narc was not there for me. Not even as a friend, can you imagine this? When we first started dating, he used to come to our house, meaning he personally knew my father. When my dad was dying he never even called me once to tell me something...anything. Exactly during that time I met my husband. HE was the one who came to my father's bed all the way from a foreign country. HE was the one to tell him ''I will take good care of your daughter, you can go in peace, don't be afraid''. Everybody says that after a r/s with a Narc, one should not be involved in a new r/s too soon. I did exactly the opposite. I wanted revenge, I wanted to show my father that I chose A RIGHT ONE before he died. I care dearly about my husband, but I wish I would've started our story clean, without back thoughts. I am torn with regrets that I disappointed my father, I am torn with anger that even after all this, I didn't cut the xN out of my life until 3 weeks ago. I am angry that the XN runs around without remorse, enjoying a good life. Everybody around him sees him as a decent, sociable, fun to be around guy. He even goes to prayers with other members of the community. For what is a Narc praying?! I am so angry...the desire for revenge is eating me alive.

#19 Nov 19 - 1AM (Reply to #18)

peaches

no doubt the narc prays for himself

Selfish, impotent, shadow of a man. Mine couldn't handle any of life's difficulties. He always said "I don't know how to do death, cancer"...anything that I needed support through. Congratulaions on cutting him out of your life. I too have a lot of anger that I am trying to figure out what to do with. As you say it could eat me alive. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I'm sure my Dad would want me to stay away from the N, so that motivates me to NC. Hang in there!

#20 Nov 18 - 2PM

Hunter

Blond, brunette, tall,short,

Blond, brunette, tall,short, rich, poor.. Doesn't matter ... They take what they can get...they pass out a business card to many, anyone that bites is the next victim... This is not about you.. Hunter

#21 Dec 31 - 11PM (Reply to #15)

bgirl

Hunter is dead right. I just

Hunter is dead right. I just happened to be the mother of two children who were very competent in the sport he is obsessed with. My son was about to live the dream he never got as a child. Soooo he thought he would move on in and secure the lot...so he was the pivotal key to the kid's so called success. I don't believe it was me he was after...and this is the by far the most devastating part. I was a pawn in his game and so were my kids. So yep the next shiny family that comes along I guess he'll try his luck with them too???

#22 Nov 19 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

Goldie

The truth is spoken Hunter

I had to laugh at this one because not only is it pathetic, it is completely true. They are not nearly as choosy and particular as you may think. This is why obsessing about the OW and WHY her not me, and all the rest of it is a complete waste of time. They are constantly looking for new supply. The convienence store, the supermarket, the gas station, work, the next door neighbor, their friends wives/gf's, your friends, the internet, anywere they go. This is a numbers game, a crap shoot, and they frankly end up, taking what they can get. Whoever takes the bait. We are not that special to them, we just said yes, and DANG, look where it got us. Love this Hunter, it puts it all into perspective. OW=new unsuspecting supply; nothing more; nothing less!!! God bless, Goldie

#23 Nov 19 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

Gravity

Goldie

yup!!!!!!!! The poor OW has NOOOO idea the bumpy ride she is in for. Saying prayers for her!!!

#24 Nov 19 - 10AM (Reply to #12)

Winter

Doesn't matter indeed

I agree with Hunter. The only common denominator is him being the abuser.

#25 Nov 19 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

ifinallygotit

Good post Hunter!

You sum it all up so well!!!

#26 Nov 18 - 12PM

TNR1

I don't know anything about

I don't know anything about Mr. Ns other girls.

#27 Nov 18 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

newbegginings

Same Trn1

Same... I don't know anything about the others or if he had them..

#28 Nov 18 - 11AM

sciencegirl

do you see a theme?

1st victim: Nurse - he moved out of their apartment (while she was at work) without even a note, when she told him that she felt she needed to have an abortion because hse wasn't ready to have a baby and he was still in Pre-Med. Me: Masters degree of Molecular Genetics....and now I am retraining to be a nurse Current girlfriend: Nurse he picked up in the emerg while he was working, she is a single mom of three (one grown, two older teens)

#29 Nov 18 - 7AM

ifinallygotit

umm...OW

From what I could tell, pretty women (not gorgeous but nice smiles and bodies) who party and hang out at bars. I do not party and do not hang out at bars...I was his square educator and only longterm GF in his entire life - he has had endless affairs. His mother was an educator at the administrative level but most the women he chose were working class and bar types, not rich. I think most of them were pretty smart though and his kids all came out ok despite him being an idiot. He thinks we are all alike: crazy, crying and talk too much, He used to be very rich so he does not care if the woman is accomplished or not...He still parties like a college kid in his 50's. He is good and kind to one of his daughters (who is following in his career footsteps),

#30 Nov 18 - 7AM

Gravity

BlueMist

My psycho's long term victims were all very successful, outgoing, understanding, sexual people. The common denominator for his main sources of NS was a background in social work or psychology and involved in a lot of charity work. The OW I spoke with on the phone last night was the kindest person I've met in a long time. I literally felt like I was having a phone conversation with a friend I've known a very very long time. We're all victims. Every single one of us. The one's that aren't aware of the fact that they were mistreated are just that.. unaware. If they wanted something from her (money, sex, status, etc.) he may have been "kind" to her face, but behind her back guaranteed he was sleeping with everything he could get his hands on and scheming behind her back. Narcs.Are.All.The.Same

#31 Nov 18 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

bumblebee

I agree Gravity!

1
2
next
last

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews