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Purpose of Messageboard

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#1 Feb 1 - 4PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Purpose of Messageboard

For those of you in a relationship with a narcissist, it is my hope this website, blog and messageboard will provide the support you need right now to take the necessary steps to reclaim your life and stop letting a narcissist control you. You may be in a romantic relationship with a narcissist or you may have the misfortune of reporting to one at work. I have experienced both and want others to share their stories so we may build a community of support on this website to help each other break free and move on.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is exhausting. It is exhilarating and exciting at one moment and confusing and demoralizing the next. You never know what mood your narcissist is going to be in. It is a roller-coaster ride that never ends. As such, support is needed and coping strategies are essential.

Oct 7 - 8AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

You and your staff are suceeding

I find myself learning from this board and posting is bringing me closer. I hope to get out soon. Thank you and your staff for being there.
Oct 7 - 6AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

its exhausting

Lisa, you are so right, it is exhausting to be the wife of a narc, although, as you know, i threw him out, but hes not really gone, he just doesnt live here anymore. im so tired of the rollercoaster ride, one day i feel disgusted at him, the next i feel desperate and regret so deeply that i threw him out. i know i had no choice, his blatant affair, his ow other than his obnoxious whore who tortured the hell out of me, i know in my heart in need to move on, but im stuck, im stuck somewhere hoping he leaves her and moves onto the next, i dont want it to end with me realizing she is who he had wanted all those years, almost three of the affair. i dont want him to continue giving her the illusion, because from what i see, she has no idea he comes here, calls, texts, and tells me he doesnt love her, wants out, misses me, loves me, etc.....im so tired, and so depressed, i wish the rollercoaster would end. It's almost as if i let go, she will win, although, she already won. she tortured me until i finally threw him out. Im so tired Lisa, please help me, someone tell me, he will never change and even if he stays with her, it wont make him happy, i just want to know why i wasnt enough for him. I gave him everything, including my soul, i was the kind of wife every guy would love to have, i gave him so much freedom, he choked on it, i never asked him to be anything but what he was, i turned a blind eye to his cheating, multiple cheating, never asked for a bigger house or diamonds or anything, im plain and simple and love with my whole heart, so why did i get stuck with such a cruel man, why? why cant i get over him, he took more than half my life, and discarded me like i was someone he had a one night stand with, he doesnt even ask about our son (whom by the way hates him) he barely wants to see his daughter unless it suits him, and he is with a woman, who he knows will never even meet his children....why cant i get over him.....i really need your help, im dying inside please help me. xoxoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 7 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
darkspark
darkspark's picture

journaling

I don't know if you've tried this jaycee, but when I was getting through the cognitive dissonance it helped me. I got a notebook and when I was sitting and stewing, I'd scrawl in it - things like HE NEVER LOVED ME. IT WAS JUST A GAME. HE IS EMPTY. HE WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE. I AM A GOOD PERSON. I FELL FOR A TRICK. I GIVE LOVE AND DESERVE LOVE IN RETURN. etc I also made little posters and put them up around my house, to remind me of his cruelty and why I should be angry. Also, I went to my GP to talk about a reference for counseling. It took several months before I saw anyone because I have been down the counseling route before and knew I needed CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but I could have had weekly 'talk therapy' sessions for about $10 per week. In retrospect, I would have gotten some therapy books while I was waiting for my referral and started the work on my own, because basically that's what I ended up doing with my therapist. She was OK, but had no idea about NPD. Her approach was that I needed to fix ME, that it didn't matter if this guy was a NARC or not. She was right, but not being able to talk about the mental abuse was sort of like pretending it didn't happen, and I obviously need to process it still. If you are locked into a spiral, you've got to grab hold of something; start somewhere. Get a book. Talk to a doctor. Try to find a therapist. I'm sorry to say, but nobody is going to be able to MAKE you stop spiraling. You just gotta grab on to something and start to pull yourself out.
Oct 7 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

journaling

thanks for your words darkspark, I appreciate your advice, and it is true, only i can help me but some days i just need someone to remind me of how i can do and how i can feel better. im in dire straits today and very very sad, i just wish i could believe my life will get better. i pray everyday, and i hope God answers my prayers. xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 7 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
darkspark
darkspark's picture

I understand

It took me several months to get past the inertia stage. I even spent a few of those months trying to be the perfect supply. I see now that he truly despised me for being so weak as to put up with his BS!! But the minute I'd stop, he'd apply the most miniscule amount of charm to pull me back. Until one day I just thought 'Meh. So not worth it.' It's horrible. It's a living nightmare. You have my sympathies and my empathies. But if you know that it's got to come from you eventually, do you think there is something you can to comfort and assure yourself when you need it? Your life WILL get better! I believe it. A lot of the ladies and gents on this board are living proof of it.