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Question ????

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#1 May 23 - 5PM
Avid
Avid's picture

Question ????

Ok I have a question. I have been in a relationship with a N for 12 yrs. and he has been back and forth with different women he leaves one and then he goes back to another one from the past. Well, now he is with a recycled ow and now he is treating her like a queen he will not see me to return my items he said he will mail them to me. I am rambling but my question do any of you think he has changed? I think he is trying to be 'perfect" for her and all he is doing still is blaming for why he d&d me. he never put anyone away for me. Am I not good enough is she better than me? He has hurt this women before but I bet he has promised her that he has changed. Any responses will be appreciated.

May 23 - 7PM
Steph
Steph's picture

He hasn't changed.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/narcissist-victims-syndrome-survivors/discussions/messages/10860586 xoxo
May 23 - 6PM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

about your things

If they aren't sentimentally valuable, cut your losses, it's not worth it to stay attatched to the disordered, it just delays the healing/moving on process, whatever I left in N's possession I didn't ask for it back and I had some great things I left behind but it wasn't worth the emotional war to worry about those things when my mental/emotional health was at stake, best wishes!

stay~strong

May 23 - 6PM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

NO!

He hasn't changed, N went back to an old source of supply after me, they were really chummy I tell ya, he even mentioned marriage, they were constantly together, and they have a child together but he told me he could have never been with her again because she cheated on him, big lie, I'd say about a month in, maybe two he began calling/texting me, I ignored him until he wore me down, he wanted to "try to be friends again" lol, funny so...I went with it,I never asked about he and his ex but he volunteered that nothing was the matter, they were on good terms, uh ok, I didn't ask but whatever, I knew better, the next day we are talking he reveals that she had gotten a hold of his cell phone (I was still footing the bill for this and allowed him to keep it) and began screaming and yelling that he hadn't changed, he was the same old "slut" he used to be on and on, and I asked him is that why you want to be friends again, because you two are mad at one another? he says no, I am where I want to be, ha! Days later he D/D'd me saying I hadn't changed a bit, lol, blah blah blah, so he calls me later on, we're talking and I here her in the background say hang up, we're going to bed, lol...I was amazed, anyway, he's D/D'd her and dumped her and have a new OW now, I know she is a wreck, she was really thinking they were going to be together until eternity, NO THEY DO NOT CHANGE, they do repeat the idealization stage with an old supply source and repeat the same process, it's just an act, an ILLUSION.....again!

stay~strong

May 23 - 5PM
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

Say goodbye

To your stuff. Ask yourself is it replaceable? If it is and isn't your grandmother's heirloom silver then it ain't worth giving them that satisfaction of begging them for it back. Make your peace with the loss and move past it. It will piss him off royally as to why you never hounded him for it back and that alone is worth the cost of admission. Stay strong.
May 23 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
heritage
heritage's picture

daisyd

You are right. I started asking for my things in Dec and into Jan and he wouldn't asknowledge texts, emails or calls. So on my b day in Jan I went to his house, pulled in driveway behind where he parks car and I got there an hour before he leaves for work. I began knocking on the door whikle talking to my friend so I had a witness. I knocked for an hour and my knuckles were bleeding on his door from the cold and from knocking. Finall at 10 he opens the garage door because he has to get to work. I walk over to his garage and said give me my things. I had already packed them in Oct and he begged me to stay only to be discarded by him a month later. So he told me no and don't I dare go into his gagrage (treating me like a criminal and his mask was off big time) and he refused to give me my htings. (I would have been winning if he had done that). So he tells me he's going to make a phone call and I said go ahead (pretending he was going to call his cop friend) and he called the hygentist at his offfice to come pick him up. Fn wimp. so I waited on his drivewa until she got there and he sped off in her car. I am sure he told her I was stalking him and wouldn't leave him alone. So the next day I got 42 emails from him playing games about returning my things. The only reason he was going to do it now is because of what happened the other day. When I met him in a parking lot a few days later he threw my things at me and told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. Dated 5 years. He kept my cookbooks ad Burberry pocketbook and wallet. Scum bag. I have not talked to him since. I had no idea who this man was after mask was off. It is the scariest thing I have ever been through.
May 23 - 5PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Avid

No....he HAS NOT changed. He can't change!! It's impossible. He's on his best behavior right now with her but the real Narc will come out soon. They know how to behave when needed but they can't keep up the act for long. He will treat her like crap SOON! Narcs never ever change. They will always be selfish, mean, cheating, lying NARCS!!
May 23 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
Avid
Avid's picture

Questions

sara-smile I like what u said about he is on his best behavior now yep... he has been on it with me for a short period of time I think I am getting it now.. thanks u guys ( :
May 23 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

AVID

First ,Say good bye to your items. You will never get them, he wants you to beg like a dog. Now as far as the Other woman, he is recycling her and she is a dumb ass. Maybe he'll keep her things too, eventually he'll have enough for a garage sale. Focus on you and what you like. "NO HE WONT CHANGE" DELETE
May 23 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Avid
Avid's picture

Questions

Hunter I am hurting but your comments always make me smile...enough for a garage sale lol
May 23 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

AVID

I know it hurts, trust me I know, Just stay no contact and you'll be laughing along with me soon. They even control our emotions. Finding another women is just another way to shove it up our ass. Get mad Avid, lift your leg and piss on him like the dog that he is. :) Hunter