Raised by wolves

I have now been NC for over two weeks and it is getting better every day. I am no longer thinking about him constantly. When I engage in magical thinking, I find this forum very helpful to once again realize that the person I fell in love with is not a real person. Although, the pain and feeling of loss is still very real.

Just for the record, he is turning 50 this year and his longest relationship was four years. In addition, he is a counsellor and does couples counselling. I am not sure if this is typical but he has very rigid boundaries (I call walls) and appears to be rigid and tightly wound . Early on into our relationship, I began using the term, "He must have been raised by wolves," because of some of the ridiculous things that he did and said. I now know this is all part of who they are but at the time, that was the term that I used to explain his bizarre behaviour. One of the most memorable things that he said to me, when I wasn't going to the gym as often as he thought I should, was that he had dated younger and thinner women and he was more attracted to them. At that time I was actually in better shape and close to 15 pounds lighter than when we had met. When I brought this up, he commented that he couldn't help who he was attracted to and that he needed to feel something. On what planet is this OK to say to a women and how could someone who is almost 50 think this would fly. "He must have been raised by wolves." I was already very invested in the relationship and "forgave him."

One thing my XN seemed to suffer from was difficulty handling stress and depression. He was going through a "difficult bout", as usual, and wanted to take time apart and perhaps see other people so we could appreciate others more (well really so that I would appreciate him more). My interpretation of this was that he was breaking up with me, although, he would not actually come right out and say it. Within four days he was looking for me, like going to places that he knew I frequented. We ended up going for coffee to discuss things. When he tried to explain why he had done what he had done he commented, " I was dealing with too many things and you were the most disposable thing in my life at the time." "He must have been raised by wolves." He also complained that none of the women that he dated, myself included, had read any books on relationships. Just for the record,I also have a masters in psychology and have not only read books on relationships but part of my training was in marriage and family therapy (he does not have this). Yes, I absolutely should have see the flaming read flags. However, I once again "forgave him" and we got back together. They can be really good when they want something. I really believed that he loved me but was a little clueless.

We were out at a New Years party (I had purchased the tickets) and had some shots done of both of us together and a single shot of him and of me. I had the pictures and he wanted to send some to his mother. Interestingly enough, it was only the single shot of himself that he requested to send to his mother. It is all about him!

He broke up with me two weeks ago by an email (Yes he counsels couples). His reason was that we were too much alike and we were having very painful disconnects about every four months (when I asserted myself and I he was afraid that I would break up with him). Also, he wanted every day to be wonderful and that was not happening for him (sense of entitlement?) I was very upset and said that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to me and our relationship to end things by an email. His response was that he was concerned that he might cry and that it would be too difficult to talk to me. He also thanked me because being with me helped him get over the pain of his last relationships. Really? "He must have been raised by wolves." In his last two relationships the women dumped him and I think him dumping me was his "fuck you" to all women. I have not responded and will not respond to him. I am also avoiding my typical places and places he might be. He has taken up over a year of my precious energy and time. Just a bit angry right now but starting counselling this week to work on co-dependency issues. Just needed to vent.