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reaction to NC

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#1 Apr 24 - 9PM
M
M's picture

reaction to NC

OK Ladies, when N came over to me, I pretended I had a phone call & walked away from him.
Here is his email:

" After yesterday's display in the schoolyard I felt inclined to write.
Who exactly do you think you are hurting when you completely ignore me in front of C(daughter) and treat me like something on the bottom of your shoe? Perhaps you think not acknowledging me when I saw "hello" or ask a question on C's behalf is some kind or validation for you, but we are getting to the point of it being a bad charade. We are responsible for co-parenting C and, with that, there needs to be civility for her sake.
We have been apart now for 5 months. There is simply going to have to be some verbal dialog in order to raise out child successfully. I have been more than patient here and have dealt with your ignoring me completely. I have been respectful to you and yet you act as if just the opposite is occuring. When will you begin to allow our divorce to mend?
Sincerely, M"

Apr 24 - 10PM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

I get concerned when I read

I get concerned when I read things like this, because it sounds like a "set-up". Has he tried to change custody? My exes, ex who was a pathological used to write things like this or call and make scenes for documentation and to point the finger at him for being the one who alienates.
Apr 25 - 2AM (Reply to #9)
M
M's picture

neveragain5

No, he has not tried. But his motivation would be to get out of child support ($$). I did document my actions--and his reactions. Michvegas
Apr 25 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

The extent that these

The extent that these f&^kers will go to, know no limits. They are SO crafty! You have to stay ten steps ahead of them and always be suspicious of everything they do. I got very good at blocking my exes,ex attempts at her manipulation. You may do this already, but if he writes you these emails, don't answer them. If you don't acknowledge them, then his "evidence" is moot. If you fight them, the courts will just see it as another angry couple putting their child in the middle. After I left the situation with my ex and his daughter, she managed to get child support and back child support even though she only took her child when she needed her to gain sympathy from a new source. Repulsive!
Apr 25 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
M
M's picture

It's hard not to when you

It's hard not to when you know the truth & what really happened. All I did was pretended my phone rang. I said to him, "It's a customer" & walked away from him. SO he thinks writing an e-mail with his version of the scene is his evidence? I responded with "If you have a question regarding my daughter, you can send me an email." Michvegas
Apr 25 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

They will do anything to

They will do anything to spin the truth in their favor. Obviously, any slight to them, they will retaliate in some way. What most people accept as a normal action, they see as a personal affront. Hence, why he emailed you that. You absolutely did the right thing by walking away. Also, be careful of the words you use. If the court see's you call her "my" daughter, then they might read into that...Perhaps overreaching on that one, but better safe than sorry. Yes, it's beyond hard. The child I helped defend was not even my own. I can't imagine having to go through this with my own child and also feeling like having to defend myself at the same time. It's infuriating how they can lie and have everyone else believe them and the way he betrayed you as well. During that time, I had to develop some very good acting skills of my own. In no way am I critisizing anything that you have done. You have every right to feel the way you do and to protect yourself and your daughter. I would just hate to see any one of these animals get ahead through their viscious ways. Using a child or an animal as a pon is the biggest sin anybody could commit, in my opinion.
Apr 25 - 8PM (Reply to #13)
M
M's picture

Thanks

I often feel like "damned if you do, damned if you don't". It's a no-win battle. I appreciate the advice. Anything to protect my girl... Michvegas
Apr 25 - 9PM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

michvegas

are you and your daughter in counseling to help deal with this? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 25 - 11PM (Reply to #16)
M
M's picture

barbara

I am... but he refuses to allow our daughter to go Michvegas
Apr 25 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

michvegas

of course - she might find out Dad's a douchebag. can your attorney intervene here? they should! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 25 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

It is a no-win battle with

It is a no-win battle with these monsters. Anytime you need advice, I mean that. Hang in there. Once you figure out how to handle him and this, it will get easier. Although easier is certainly not fair.
Apr 24 - 10PM
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OMG - that might as well have been my ex!!!

Thank you for sharing - that is EXACTLY My exN's tone and words. Plus mine is a passive-agressive a##wipe so any think where he has any participation with our kids (like getting something for a school project) - he messes it up - so I will hopefully engage with him in anger as he has f***ed me over. Again. STAY COOL! Don't buy into anything for a minute -that is EXACTLY what he wants. Just IGNORE. It's so hard with kids - isn;t it? ANd then when they screw things up for them - I just want to rip his head off.
Apr 24 - 9PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

michvegas

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You were brilliant! Yes, how dare you ignore and not bow to the King??? Thank you for this, I love stories about N's that are annoyed! LMAO! You don't need verbal dialog to raise your daughter. He's pissed because he can't control the shots now. He's been more than patient?? Is that like, a threat?? Omg, he's unhinged, how entertaining.... ;) You go girl!
Apr 24 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

he won't get it

nothing will mend. If he ignores you - let him be the bad one. Your children will see right through it. NO MORE NOTES - let him be a big nasty baby. The funeral will be all his in the end ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 25 - 2AM (Reply to #3)
M
M's picture

barbara

That was his note to me. He is troubled with my no contact stance. Michvegas
Apr 25 - 2AM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

michvegas

my apologies... senior moment! He's troubled? BOO FRIGGIN' HOO - you have no reason to talk to him... it's done... whatever he thinks he's just mad he can't abuse you anymore. put a fork in him - he's done ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 25 - 2AM (Reply to #5)
M
M's picture

it's ok

yes he is done... facing his 2nd bankruptcy(at 46)--it'll be harder this time...laws have changed. I researched it because his name is still on the mortgages of my house. (I will be ok if I keep the payments current) He thinks he'll write it all off.. but they govmnt checks all. He may be forced to chpt. 13 or denied. He has no assets..& his debt was all frivilous. (not unseen medical, etc) What kind of role model is that for my daughter? He tried again at soccer today. Asked if C was playing next weekend. I told him I had trash in my hand (c gave me a snack bar wrapper) & needed to find a trash can and walked off. NC really bothers them... Michvegas
Apr 25 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

They're all the same!

neveragain5 is right to be wary of these emails. My ExN started doing this for a coupe months and then filed contempt on me. I don't have a lawyer and he got the judge to say I was alienating our daughter. However he didn't change he custody pending another hearing. Be indifferent to him in public. Get as much of your communication in writing as possible and keep documenting!! No emotion in you emails. I only address specific things about our daughter. In an email to him simply request that if he has any questions concerning your daughter to please email them to you and you will give him the info he's requested. It's all about money and control. They don't give a rat's ass about the kids! It kills them to have to give us money and then not be able to tell us what to spend it on. And if I hear "co-parenting" come out of my EXN's mouth one more time I'm going to throw up!! They don't know the meaning of "co" anything!!