To REALLY listen......

'Really' listen....

I have learned so much from my Mr Narc/Psychopath encounter.

Even though I STILL cannot CLAIM to have all my $?-t together I know that a major contributing factor to my demise was my inability to LISTEN properly.

I now know I must:

LISTEN to what they are actually saying and see if their ACTIONS match up or follow suit.
I must no longer 'take their word for it' as unfortunately just because I say what I mean I would be naive and foolish to ASSUME that others will live with the same integrity or have the same reality (REALITY being the difference between one's experiencing self and one's reflecting self. The smaller the gap the more coherent and authentic we become :))

With regards to the gas lighting and the silent treatment I have realised this:
LISTENING to their promises and professions and plans is NOT enough. If they keep pressing RESET and actually never follow through then I MUST press ERASE on them. No third, fourth or fifth chance and no more giving the benefit of the doubt or excusing their apparent 'absentmindedness' or 'forgetfulness.' If you are someone's priority they WILL NOT continuously forget you exist or ignore your requests or label you demanding or needy or that 'you discuss things too much.'
If I don't get a DEFINITIVE ANSWER followed by a corresponding action, then from now on I will press the EXIT button straight away.
As for the silent treatment, or failure to reply or their unwillingness to talk things over even if it is at the end of the relationship I KNOW that I must LISTEN to the SILENCE because the silence is DEAFENING!

It is DEAFENING because it speaks VOLUMES about that person and as painful as it may be (and it damn well is!!!) at least I KNOW the truth that they never cared or loved me in the true sense of the word and that I am indeed better off without them.

You can't change someone and they cannot change you so I've decided from now on it is IMPORTANT to LISTEN to my gut, LISTEN and OBSERVE what is REALLY happening and not keep looking at POTENTIAL or PROMISES.

Time to take the rose coloured glasses and the audio scrambler OFF and see and hear what is REALLY going on.

This has nothing to do with the Narc or the Psychopath or the Passive Aggressive man that I keep revisiting.
This has EVERYTHING to do with me and MY reality.

Hope I can put it into practice. Small steps. This is a work in progress.

Lots of love,
X
B