"Recycle Bins" I refused to be remained as one.

I've learned so much and still learning. I have much to say yet time is limited for now. I do want to say this, the moment we get real about wanting to get away from the N, WE WILL do what it takes! As I woke up this morning I was pondering how I ALMOST lost myself to a point of no return. I thought I could maintain while not living, kinda like a Zombie the living dead. Seasons and years of my life I lost my identity and was transforming into a sponge that could easily be name “Narc’s Recycle Bin” Eweee. I’m retching just thinking about the computer icon “recycle bin” You know, where we trash things and months later desperately hoping we didn’t truly delete that specific item we need a the moment.

Well, I’ve decided to go back to school as one of my “MUST DO” List in order that I might be whole again. Regain what I was initially doing before my N came into my life. GUESS WHAT! I made the Dean's list the first time back in 20+ years after leaving school. What does that say...WE ARE STRONG WOMEN and somehow we lose ourselves and doubt ourselves…I’m PLEAING to you to find that one thing that reminds you of YOU! It's a process and I have much more miles of victory to accomplish, as my NH will be back home in 5 days. (When I first joined the website I mentioned husband left the country so I had a few months to learn of NPD and try to get things in order) With the anxiety building up on trying to figure how would he react if he find out about the divorce via a server meeting him at the airport or at the house, I replied to his skype call to tell him don't return home and I would not be picking him up from the airport. I told him what I expected out of the divorce and etc. WOW THE LOOK ON HIS FACE. The BEAUTY OF IT was not his looks; it was this website that prepared me.

I can't express enough how everyone's stories have built me along with the private messages and friends I've met behind the scenes.

I get so happy just thinking about my freedom that's ahead. I long for it!!! I know It will get harder before it's through but I've have become adamant about this one thing!!!

I RATHER LIVE IN A MOMENT OF UNCERTAINTY AND TEMPORARY PAIN THAN LIVE AND REMAIN IN THIS SITUATION WITH MY NARC!

Living in a season of uncertainty and temporary pain is DEFINITELY BETTER than to live in a vicious, infinite cycle of uncertainty and pain with a N.

Being an already limped, soggy sponge from the bad energy we soak up from them keeps us at best the “Narc’s Reycle Bin”

When a woman is finish ...SHE IS FINISH!! We don't realize we're already going through the emotions of break up …so when he has finally D&D accept it as a gift and move on!!

Unfortunately, I've learned alot about a Narcs mentality. Ladie's I can't STRESS ENOUGH...N's they don't believe we can move on. They really believe they have us hooked and think we're not going anywhere...so why should they change? Then when we do drop them...they go through surprise, dis-belief, where did they lose control, hoover, and rage...and so forth. They are only trying to figure a new plan.

Again, I'm no longer his recycle bin. How did you find the strength to stop being his?

L2A