Red Flags and Warning Signs You're Dating A Loser

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#1 May 10 - 7AM

SoaperGirl

Red Flags and Warning Signs You're Dating A Loser

Last night prior to going to bed, I pulled out a book I have called Red Flags! How to Know When You're Dating a Loser and a webpage printout I had called "The Loser" Warning Siogns You're Dating A Loser (http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html)

I scored my narc against those signs and the results were astonishing to me on just how deep my peril was in having him in my life. So did I dodge a bullet? How yeah! And then some!

According to the Red Flags book, my narc was "The Criticizer". Score above 35 points on any of the tests, and you've got a "Disaster waiting to happen!" My narc scored 84 Points! Crap! I had a serious emotional vampire on my tail!

On "The Loser" just having 3 characteristicds indicates a high risk relationship. Having a high number indicates present indicates more than a probabillity for a certainity that you will be hurt and damaged by The Loser!

On the Red Flag warning signs, out of 20 characteristis, my narc scored 11. This guy had a definite agenda to destroy me!

So this morning, I am feeling stronger, and healthier than better. Better the OW be destroyed than me! I'm sorry it's her, but I'm glad it's not me. Without a doubt, I will be okay now!

No doubt my narc thought he'd found a bigger fish to fry with her. She has the money, the property and resources I likely will never have. I am safe now, and she will be the one destroyed.

All I have really to offer is me, a lifetime of love, warmth and intimacy. My riches are not to be found in any bank, but they are no less considerable.

I also realize my my deriding emails to my narc where ridiculed and mocked him and this board with the support of you ladies has been my therapy. I feel whole now, healthy and complete. Those are my riches, and they are considerable.

#2 May 11 - 9AM

terri

In moving forward and working

In moving forward and working more on myself, instead of wondering "WTH is wrong with him?", I'm learning to accept and love myself again. Deep inside myself, I still know that true contentment and satisfaction in life comes from WITHIN ourselves - not from relationships with others. Yes, relationships with others should enhance our lives and offer comfort and support but the true happiness we all long for is really found inside our own heads and hearts. This is why narcs are narcs - they are completely incapable of going within for contentment and self-love. They have a self-loathing that reaches down to their inner core that is so enmeshed in their psyche that they will forever continue their search to find this contentment and satisfaction from others. They are destined to use and abuse anyone unfortunate enough to try to love them and the painful cycle will continue - they will never get it. I know this is common knowledge on this forum but I'm still processing the damage that 10 years of crazy abuse has caused for me - layer upon layer.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#3 May 10 - 3PM

terri

One more thing

that struck me when reading this was this: It's Never Enough: "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You dont' say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you dont' do enough fo them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you. I was never told in so many words that I was lucky to have the narc, but it's an insidious message that you process and hold onto - even when NC from the narc. So many times I've questioned why I have such a difficult time moving on from the narc relationship and I read others on this forum question that as well. I believe this explains it very well. Without really CONSCIOUSLY being aware of it, our confidence and high self-esteem has been eroded so much that we subconsciously don't believe we can get someone better - someone who will treat us as we deserve. Therefore, we struggle with letting go - we think we are still in love. WRONG! We are still emotionally being held captive by these narc-programmed beliefs. Time to change the program!

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#4 May 10 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

onwithmylife

Hi Terri

That is one of the most insididous forms of control you mentioned,not being good enough, I remember point blank asking him, when I knew nothing about N PD,asking him,'why is it whatever I do for you it is NOT ENOUGH', he looked ahead, we were in his car, and he said nothing and did not look at me,I think he could not process in his mind what I was saying to him, he offered me no explanation...

#5 May 10 - 3PM

Hunter

Once you get it! You realize

Once you get it! You realize how disturbed they really are! At that point it easy to bury the dead or that Loser! Mine scored right up there, " The Biggest Loser" Rock on! Love the Avatar. Hunter

#6 May 10 - 3PM

terri

This was perfect!

I read through this and 14 out of the 20 fit my situation with the "loser" narc. How did I get sucked into such a nightmare and even more to the point - WHY did I stay so long? We don't really understand how badly we were brainwashed until we start to emerge from the fog and see the real world again. Articles such as this one are so validating and a real kick in the ass!!

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#7 May 10 - 7AM

onwithmylife

soapergirl

thanks for posting the article, i need to get it printed out somewhere, so true and you and i have both been with older guys, what losers, like I mentioned mine is a hermit, he has nothing to offer any woman,

#8 May 10 - 7AM

Deidre40

This is uplifting to read!

This is uplifting to read! Glad you're in a better place. So am I. {{HUGS}}

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