Rejection

I have addressed this issue as well in the recent days and have come to the conclusion that when all is right and Im in a good place, it will happen. I too have many unresolved issues with trust that that is the result of the rejection I received from the N. Fear of rejection can paralyze us. It can prevent us from seeking out future intimate relationships and prevent us from allowing something meaningful and special to enter the walls we have built so high around us. Even something as simple as a dinner date that most feel is harmless can leave us curled up the the fetal position sucking our thumb. We are different from those who experience a normal break up. I have been through a few normal ones and dating again was not an issue but this is vastly different from those experiences. All of the issues we face from emotional abuse has left us with a very deep wound that can and sometimes takes years to heal. These scars are not always so apparent to us and can mask themselves in other forms only to surface at a later date when we least expect it. So I think that it is important that we go slow and easy with ourselves. Try not to put to much emphasis on the processing of dating and more on the process of building trust and security within ourselves. Work on examining your fears in all areas of relationships. Specialized therapy is wonderful for this. When you conquer this area I feel that you will be right where you need to be to allow something beautiful to come into your life. And you deserve it! Welcome Back!!! only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

So much of the poison of the devaluing of us gets deep in there, like shrapnel or deep slivers that have to work their own way out. I think everyone has heard of getting a BB or a piece of glass deep under thier skin, and having it pop out of the skin years later. Really gross imagery here, but some of those wounds we get really do go that deep. What you describe is exactly what I experience, and I'm three years out. Luckily for me (I guess it's luck) I do not have an urge to find someone special right now. Who knows what the future will bring, but right now, I'm very content being partnerless, date-less. Not sure where I'd fit in a new prospect, frankly. When I try to imagine being with someone new, I feel instant repulsion, so I know this is because I was very deeply hurt. It blows my mind how deeply I was hurt. I am pretty good at looking inside myself, and even this is vague and not easily seen or felt for me. I think this is where therapy, specifically for THIS issue, may help you a lot. Having another person you trust that is skilled at dealing with trauma recovery would be immensely helpful to heal this wound. For me, I'll just let it "work it's way out" for now. I'm glad it doesn't bother me. It would really suck if it did, if I did really desire a lover or relationship :(

All the lovely stuff about you is true. The ladies(men) on here are pretty wonderful. THEY want to be US. What isn't true about these types is their ability to commit and what they say about themselves. Everything about THEMSELVES is a lie. None of what they have done to any of us is about US it is all about THEM and what they lack as a person. So don't feel rejected you had a lucky escape from a narc and have your life back on track. When I was going through my angry stage I thought bloody cheek you shouldn't have even been in my company let alone my bed. Still the angry stage was good because I took it out on the house and it was spotless..lol. I am dating myself at the moment and having me time as I am only 9 months NC and 10 months out of the relationship so not looking for love from a guy but I am getting involved in lots of new things and changing my old routine. If you do the same things day in day out you never meet anyone new or different. I've also been spring cleaning my life of people that don't treat me right. As the lovely Briseis said you look at the world with new glasses after a Narc relationship. You sound like you have a lovely life with you children, friends and to actually like you job is the best. It's not a bad thing that you are less trusting I can't tell you how many of my friends that are out there in the dating world have been burnt because they were to gung~ho. I'm glad my narc has new supply means someone else is putting up with his nonsense and lies and I get to have a healthy life. I'd rather be sitting at home with my little dog all happy and planing my week~end then have some arsehole upsetting me.

this is the million dollar question. The more I crawl back out there in the world the more damage I realize I have down below. I was fooled for a long time, not seeing what I didn't understand and didn't want to see so how is it possible to ever trust what I see again? The million dollar question. It has taken baby steps to get out of this, not that I am out of it yet, so I can only guess that it is going to take baby steps to move on to someone else. But something I read in an article posted here struck a very hard chord: the N's are drawn to us like a moth to a flame when they see we have danced that dance before. Wish i could put it more scientifically, but that was it in a nutshell. almostlydia

Yes ,i do feel reject ,devalued not even as a woman but as a HUMAN BEING....ex N started NC on me,after totally mental abusing me saying he wants nothing to do with a bi polar like me and that i should be lobotomized and taken away from society....now i know is projection,but to hear that from the mouth from the one that you just adored,cared and loved and i really did wanted the best for him too,it hurts like hell ...But also hurts the realisation that he is sick and never will get better ,this disorder is the modern plague,it contaminates and destroy the ones next to them....plus i really do mean i feel sorry for him too,he will never be able to have a good life,everything and everybody he touches are going to be hurt and destryed,incluiding himself....he is 43 years old,he lost his 3 children due to his actions,lost me and himself he did lost a long time ago....and he is unhapy and miserable,always angry like hell,even when he is alone...what a sad way to live,sabotaging your own life like that,when you could just have love and a stable financial situation....