Revelation

In the last 6 weeks, I have went from complete anxiety and devastation to an almost complete understanding of NPD. I have spent countless hours researching this disorder, interacting in the message board, reading books. All of this helped tremondously, but what finally got me over the hump, was the fact that within a short 8 weeks, he D&D the "girl of hi dreams". He really believed she was the one. This is after 3 kids and 10 years of marriage. He overvalued her, and then put the hammer down. All this time, while I knew they were seeing each other this summer after we separated, thoughts filled my mind of them enjoying each others company, dinners, conversations......of course sex in the new house we just built. Do you know what? If finally hit me......my exnh is not capable of having a cup of coffee and conversation in the morning with anyone. He is not capable. He is capable for a short period of time with the false self....he can do these things, but it takes great effort. In the backof my mind, all along, I kept thinking, he can't keeep it up for long. Even his voice was different when he was in the false self. So 8 weeks into his fabulous new relationship and she is 10 yrs younger and, as he told me, "she thinks Im really something".....he has dumped her. Want to know why???? She went to Walmart and bought board games for HIS kids and brought them out to his house, and she was suggesting he spend more time with the kids, and he didn't appreciate her telling him what games his kids should be playing and how much time he should spend with his kids. Can you believe that? That turned him off! He got turned off because she was being human and real. This also hit me, my exnh told me the other day that I was no angel in our marriage either. I thought long and hard about that. And do you know what? My wanting him to be part of the kids and I life, have supper with us, take us places, take us for church and breakfast, go out together and take kids to zoo, wherever, that made me "no angel". Fine. What he hated and what he despised is that I was asking for a REAL relationship of sharing love and kids and life and HE CANNOT DO IT. I now know that he will never find that person. He is sick. He wants someone with no life, only to say yes to him at every turn, lay on their back and let him use them, someone to be perfectly ok with his non involvement, blah blah........he will never find it. And I am so much healthier this week than last. Sorry this is long. I am sleeping better at night, don't wake up sad and anxious.......This message board was a God send for me during my darkest days. i really dont know what I would have done without all the support I got. You all mean so much to me. Thank you is just not enough. For all of you in the beginning stages of grief and healing, there is hope and it is thru education and really seeing them for what they are. It takes time but you will get there. I still havae bad days....but they are fewer. Sorry this is so long. Have a fabulous weekend everyone. :)