RUDE FORUM TOPIC

I was kind of surprised. I am no longer on here every day as I have been recovering nicely and have a very active social life. I just saw the post a bout a separate section for venting - including rules about the type of language people use. If I had been in an earlier stage of recovery and read that, I may never have come back. It came across as chastising other people for relating their experiences. in fact, it almost seemed like a previous time when a certain moderator would ban people for not being acting as SHE thought they should regarding their N. I think a lot of these posts are a cry for help. People are reaching out - not to gripe - but to get validation tat they are NOT CRAZY! i remember asking friends about something the N would do, asking "that is not normal - right???" If I see a post that I can't relate to, bothers me in some way, or I can not help by responding to, I just move on. Have I been exasperated at times when I read someone's posts that are repeatedly self-destructive? Yes - but I have always remembered that I was once like her. I needed someone to listen. So I think the forum should remain as it is. Venting can be helpful for someone who has NEVER been heard before. The message board should not be changed - in my opinion. Just my $.02.

I do hope this is properly cleared up and clarification offered as I too almost not only did not post again at all but also did at one point refrain from posting something that may have been considered "venting." And then I decided that my N kept me silent long enough and that I shall vent away as mostly I have felt safe and supported on this forum. I use to defend endlessly and to everyone my N and it was only until I truly began to tell and vent my story as much as possible to anyone who would listen, this forum included, that I finally came to terms with just how abusive he really is/was. I stopped lying to others about who he truly was to me and mostly telling my story and venting it all out helped me to stop lying to myself. It was a lifesaver literally to be validated, to be listened to, to be accepted and to be seen! I thought I was going crazy, literally. So I say vent away....it is the first step towards healing and I believe the most important one. I would have stayed a MILLION times more had I not been empowered by the stories and the venting on this site. I am 3 months NC and well on the continued road to recovery. Venting and storytelling = a recovery phase. I am no longer stuck in his grip......but yes I was stuck for a very long time and thank goodness, at that time, I felt safe on this site and not judged for being "stuck." I hope to continue feeling safed and not judged for whatever phase of recovery I am in because G-d knows I was not safe and judged enough by the N!

I agree with what you all have written. I may be considered a "veteran" on this sight having been here about 24 weeks or so (I've lost count), and when I read that post about venting I got confused. It scared me from writing what I was going through today. I wasn't sure if it was now suddenly wrong to express what happened to me in the past few weeks. I am not even sure I know what "venting" means in regards to this site, and I am a writer for a living. Reading everyone's stories, reading everyone's venting and experiences has helped me more than I could have possibly dreamed. Some nights I believe this site has saved me. I love all the woman on this sight and I can't thank them enough for taking the time to write out their stories, whatever they may be. Writing out what you are feeling is so important, no matter what you are writing or feeling. Knowing that someone is there who understands and will listen is vital. I had such a difficult day. I cried most of the day. And now, I am not even sure if I should write about what happened to me because I am not sure what "catagory" it falls under. I'm confused. ACgirl

This forum has validated my experience completley, has offered me answers and understanding as to what I had been through by my reading through the many posts and "venting" of other members where otherwise I would truly have never understood what happened to me. I needed to be validate. I needed to be understood. I needed to "vent." I at one time was a new member here and my experince on this forum has helped me immensley. I am now 3 months NC yet in the beginning and prior to NC I took him back A MILLION times and had a MILLION stories to tell and a MILLION reasons why I needed validation. I was for a long time stuck in his grip and fully enmeshed in the Stockholm Effect. In the beginning I only read the stories/posts on the forum and then finally joined. The forum ultimatley did help me to move forward. The validation through members "storytelling" and "venting" allowed me to see that I was not crazy, that I was not "losing it" and that I was in fact being abused. I was where I was with no judgement against myself or to anyone here who is currently stuck in the same pattern. I found a place to "vent" and manage now to be 3 months NC. I support everyone on the board in whatever phase of recovery he or she is in. Life has a way of moving us all forward towards recovery whether we go willingly or not. I think it would be dangerous to compartmentalize this very necessary recovery process into the "venting" section and the "recovery" section. Venting is a a part of recovery. Story telling is a part of recovery. Validation is a part of recovery. NC is a part of recovery. Moving on is a part of recovery. And all facets of recovery are represented on this forum. We all move in recovery at a different pace and in a different way. And it is not a linear process. Sometimes I still need to vent and sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and hear his voice and sometimes I am glad to be moving on. If I start to read a post that does not jive with where I am at in my recovery process I simply stop reading it and click to a different post. This should serve as a safe haven for all members regardless of where he/she is at in recovery and where members further along in recovery can serve to help others see "the light." Many of us have been day 1 NC where venting and validation brought us forward to day 2 NC. I have learned a lot from my day 1 NC "venters" and hope now to help others see what 3 months NC has to offer. I say "vent away", "validate away", "NC away" and "move on away"...and "post away" at whatever phase of recovery you happen to be in. Healing will come, moving on will happen, one non-linear phase at a time. I happen to be a licensed counselor and for what it is worth that is my opinion:) Happy recovering!

If u put up w a Narc? Uhm, you need to vent

My first response to the request for a separate "venting" forum was surprise as I too believe that the stories and perhaps venting that is posted here is another way to understand the experiences of others - and these have helped my process of understanding very much. I do have one request however. I understand the anger that many of us have and need to release but I really DO NOT enjoy certain graphic words that are used in these postings. Some words are actually a trigger for me because I endured much verbal abuse with many of these same words. Unless certain language is used to describe the things that have been said to us by our N-abusers, I'd really rather not have to read so much of it here. Just my two cents. Thanks. I think that we're all intelligent enough to find language to express our feelings that is appropriate - especially since this is an open forum.

"We can relate to one another on a level no one else can. As such, we have come together to support one another, listen and give advice from our own experience" Says it all,really, amberleaf.