Self-Esteem Gone

18 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 25 - 9AM

thisisnotfun

Self-Esteem Gone

Hello everyone,

Well, I went on my first date in 18 months. Thought I was ready. Knew the guy since HS some 30 years. We have been chatting on FB and reconnected. I spent hours getting ready, nervous, just not feeling myself. Well, it was bday bast for old friends from HS. Thought, I will know everyone... Should be fun...This other lady from our same class(very pretty, known as the HS slut) was also there. My date spent the entire time chatting with her. Never even knew I was there. Didn't even sit at our table. They stood up chating for a few hours. I felt awful inside. I had my daughter come pick me up. I did not say goodbye to her or him. Everyone around me knew I was crushed... I couldn't take the rude behavior from both of them. Girl knew I came with him. She did this in HS as well. She has to take whatever guy any girl likes. Either I wasn't ready or he/she were still same ol same. I cried all night. Do I not fit in? This guy and I have chatted for months on the phone, text, FB. Do I confront them? Is it worth it or was it just me? God, N has so much wrecked my self-image.

#2 Jul 25 - 11PM

tigger73

I just happened across this

I just happened across this little diddy of a story and you my dearheart are TOO KIND!!! This is just absolutely unacceptable behavior and this idiot is a jerk too, and so is the HS slut you mentioned. You know what? Nothing surprises me anymore. And this situation had NOTHING to do with you. It had EVERYTHING to do with 2 lowlife, shallow people, of which neither deserve the time or attention or same breathing space as YOU!!!!!!! He showed his true colors, you knew HER true colors, and all this is is SHALLOWNESS. Count yourself lucky that you have morals and values. Pity them. Shame for shame..........

#3 Jul 25 - 11PM

Lisa E. Scott

thisisnotfun

Oh, I'm so sorry. What a jackass and her....WTF? Some people never change. I'm so glad your daughter is there for you. It must have been a hard night. Please don't let this de-rail your progress. This guy is obviously disprespectful or clueless and you don't want either so good riddance! xoxo

#4 Jul 25 - 2PM

thisisnotfun

Thank you all for what I

Thank you all for what I know is right. I've known this guy since HS. He was friends with my exH(Who by the way was "normal." ) I've known this girl from HS as well. My first real relationship after my Divorce was with exN... Boy, he has changed me. This guy asked me out so many times and I knew I wasn't ready. Wanted to be healthy in my mind and heart. I waited the 18months, I'm in counseling, on this site, have been NC from exN for months and thought..... I was so wrong. It's not him/her it is how hard I fell this time. For months I didn't leave my house due to anxiety attacks, fear of running into N... so many things. I'm so damaged that men pick up on it. I don't hate men, I just don't think I'm ready to play the game again. I guess I still have a long way to go. EXN made me believe that I was not only worthless but a man would never love me. My ExH not only helped me get out of relationship with exN, he encourgaged me to date this guy..... Guess I start all over again.... Thanks for caring and understanding. My daughter was awesome last night. Came as soon as I called her.... :)

#5 Jul 25 - 2PM

ewa

First of all, he doesn't

First of all, he doesn't know how to behave and has no respect. Why would you like to even chat to him in this case. I think he is simply not worth you. Why would you loose your self-esteem because of one stupid ass. You will always meet this kind of guys on your way who do not give shit about what you feel, this is their fault not yours. I believe you are grate. Just forget about him and try to love yourself a bit more.

#6 Jul 25 - 1PM

Briseis

Why aren't you PISSED OFF???

(((((hugs))))) not to make you feel like you are all wrong, hon. I think you will get very very pissed off and soon :) Especially after all of these ladies get done with you LOL! This complete and utter JACKASS cuckholded you. Mr Months-and-months-of-chatting-with-you-online is a first rate horse's ass. He's the north end of a south facing donkey. He is lower than the crap on the bottom of your shoe. And you know what? The other folks at this gathering are thinking this too. They aren't looking at YOU as if you are this pathetic, rejected little thing. They are royally pissed off on your behalf. If they are remotedly HUMAN, that is. To even WONDER about your worthiness, loveliness as having caused his behavior is so wrong. He is a whore. And he fooled you into thinking he was NORMAL. Get angry! You are a lovely and worthwhile woman. This man does not deserve to judge your toenail. He is low class and proved it, in front of everyone.

#7 Jul 25 - 12PM

smileyfacepr

thisisnotfun

Delete him and dont waste ur breathe, dont answer his calls or text..he will get the message..what an ass!!

smileyfacepr

#8 Jul 25 - 11AM

Janet

He is a cad, end of story.

He is a cad, end of story. Have you ever read "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austin? The main character, Elizabeth, briefly gets involved with Mr. Wickim, he behaves VERY poorly. Elizabeth is amazing (smart, beautiful...) it was all about what he could get from women. There are gentlemen out there (I just know it). Um, one less "friend" on your facebook page I am guessing? Peace. J

Peace. J

#9 Jul 25 - 10AM

Cgrl

poacher

She will always be a poacher because she has an ego the size of her brain and he will always be a stupid guy who needs validation and attention from poaching whores. Don't even internalize this. Has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and who they are. I know for you this is devistating as when I was comming out of the gate I picked some shitty guys to give a chance to- but guess what -i learned that it was just because I was lonely and thought it would be fun. Ugh. I learned that the really nice guys don't need attention from others-only from me. You will be ok. Not you. Don't worry. Just the first time out and I know it feels like complete failure but again not about you. You will find him. I promise. These are all lessons to make you smarter in your choices.

#10 Jul 25 - 10AM

Bodhi

thisisnotfun

Ugh... that must have felt terrible. Just remember... don't let those two people control how you feel about yourself. Time for some positive self talk!! :) Also sounds like you dodged a bullet... they seem pretty rude and self involved. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

#11 Jul 25 - 10AM

betty2020

OMG honey! No its not you

OMG honey! No its not you at all. This guy is a major ass for what he did to you! Its not your fault that he lead you down a wrong path and belief. There are so many players out there. The world is stocked full. Unfortunately your going to run into them along the way. Its a good thing that your making this step to get out and date again. Its going to be tough but after a few, you will get it all down. Dating is a tough game. Its hard to read people and their true intentions. They all wear a mask on the first date. It is in the actions that you will see the truth. Please dont be too upset over this. Get back up, hop back on that bicycle and ride. It can be a lot of fun if you give it the chance. Just know there will be a few that you may crash hard with. Its OK. Part of the ride. Im thinking about you today.....xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#12 Jul 25 - 9AM

thisisnotfun

Thank you. I just can't

Thank you. I just can't believe this even happened. I know I was nervous and I'm sure he felt that. I've worked so hard on me and maybe just maybe I was ready. When girl found out we were chatting on facebook, she called to let me know that she had dated him. Last weekend she got bored and asked him out. She told me oh, we are just friends. He has been nothing but nice to me now as well as in highschol. My daugher thought I should have confronted them both... Not my style. Yes, I have removed them as my friends on FB. Don't think I will ever hear from them again. That's ok with me. I was always the "nioe" one in hS. Married my HS sweetheart, had two wonderful kids, and for the part had a normal life. My ExH and I are friends. He encourged me to go with him. My exN was an awful experience and I'm wondering if I'm so damaged inside I will never be able to have normal relationship.....

#13 Jul 25 - 9AM (Reply to #7)

wholeagain

That HS girl

There was one of those in my school too, three times I told her who I liked and all three times she was suddenly dating that guy. Bad way to keep your girlfriends! Please don't let this experience throw doubt on your ability to have a normal relationship...I was with the exN for almost 20 years, and my first husband was N too. Yet, I'm dating a very nice, very normal guy. Who's interesting despite not being an N :) Keep meeting people and take it slow, make friends first. There are lots of nice men out there and the good ones won't rush it either.

#14 Jul 25 - 9AM

wholeagain

WTF

Okay these two get today's What a Wankerâ„¢ award. What rotten behavior!! I agree with Helldweller, starting NC with Wanker1 right away is the way to go. Unfriend that a-hole on FB, stat! I'm sorry this was your first venture out, but I'll second the comment that this is *not* about you. This is about continuing to learn who's good for you and who isn't, and cutting your losses early. Take good care of yourself today, and don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your bestest friend.

#15 Jul 25 - 9AM

Used

thisisnotfun

what a bastard, and as for[hsslut] why would she have changed, she will always be a slut, and he will always be a dog, i know it hurts, but how you should look at it you have found him out now if he gets in touch and he will please either block him or tell him to f;;k off, and just tell yourself 2 people,her who,s always availble and him that desperate.

#16 Jul 25 - 9AM

helldweller

thisisnotfun

Ugh. What a couple of morons. It's NOT you, and it's awesome that you called your daughter to pick you up. You DON'T need to speak to either of them.

#17 Jul 25 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

Not You at All!

I know that had to have been a horrible feeling but just know that it was not YOU at all. These were 2 very rude people that do not deserve your time. What a complete and utter jackass!!! He is lucky you didn't pour a drink on his head for being such a rude jerk!!! You too the high road and should be so proud of yourself. The good thing is, you are putting yourself out there again. You should be so proud of yourself for taking a step. Do not let what a couple idiots do. They obviously haven't a brain between the 2 of them. No considerate woman or man would do that to another so you do not want to be associated with that and you were very smart to remove them from FB. You deserve nice, respectful people surrounding you. Don't give them another thought. So not worth your time. Hugs!

#18 Jul 25 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

Kelly

What Happy said.

You should be very proud of yourself for taking that step to get out there again. It's very courageous to allow yourself to become vulnerable again and take risks. I'm not there yet and I'm terrified of men right now. I've been on a roller coaster with different N's & at least one sociopath for four years. I shudder and become highly anxious even at the thought of giving another man a chance to get close to me at this point. Literally! I have developed a tick! Your emotions that night are completely normal. You must have felt so disappointed and rejected. What you did was right though. You took the high road by leaving and not getting into a confrontation. Cutting the two of them off of fb is all you had to say. Leave the two of them in High School - You have grown up!

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