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She stabbed me in the back!!

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#1 Oct 9 - 4PM
imabloke
imabloke's picture

She stabbed me in the back!!

Hi
I've just come back on here say hello and to refresh my memory of what happened to me. I've been no contact for well over a year now. And OMG do i feel better for it. I won't go into the long story - the short is this.. (once my best friend forever and person i was going to marry) ended up shagging her boss behind my back.. same sort of story as everyone else here really. A supposed friend shits on you. And will lie like hell to cover it up.

Some words of comfort and advice...

1. It will get easier... it's fucking hell at first.. the truth will set you free - but God it will piss you off at first. But i can assure you it gets easier, in time.

2. Give yourself time.. be kind to yourself. The most important person in your life - IS YOU!!
Look after yourself. Stop being a people pleaser (which i think we are all guilty of on here) and say 'no' if you think it isn't what YOU want!

3. One BIG word of advice... what ever happened to you will happen to him. 'Past behaviour predicts future behaviour.' She shagged the boss behind my back.. she'll soon be shagging someone else behind his back! THEY NEVER CHANGE.
She said some god awful shit to me, and the silent treatment. He'll get the same.. poor sod.

4. Never think it will be better next time.. it won't be. They never change. I know 3 people that are n or PD what ever you want to call it. One guy i've known for years.. and he hasn't changed, the women have all ended up the same... dumped!! and hurting really badly!!! They (ns) always come back, in some shape or form.. through friends, family, facebook, anything. These comebacks are called 'curtain calls' and you'll be on that stage forever until you choose to walk off! It ain't worth it!

5. STAY AWAY!!!... NO contact is the by far the best formula. And it works. She hasn't contacted me. Not yet anyway. I had a christmas card 2010. But I didn't send one back. I saw after a show last May 2011. And i snubbed her. Said hello and said goodbye all in the same sentence.. She was stunned! Tuff shit! Indifference is your best and only defence.

6. Be thankful.. yeah, this is a hard one.. but in actual fact you've dodged a bullet!..
Imagine living with someone that you feel isn't real!.. Walking on eggshells.. wondering, where has that once lovely person gone.. why hasn't she come home yet? Why do i feel not good enough? HELL! I can tell you and it gets worse over time that's why they dump you because you just might see through them.

I know i dodged a bullet and if i spend the rest of my life on my own - i would sooner have full life on my own than have a shitty life with a person like that!

They are empty they... run on empty and expect you to fill 'em up! Great at first - but it don't last!! a facade, a false self. A champagne bottle that's empty!

“Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people… not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!” – A.V.

They picked you.. simple because you were the best...

And, actually, you still are.

God bless.

imabloke

Oct 17 - 12PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Great to hear from you Bloke

Was wondering how you were doing. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your update, thrilled that you are letting go and the snubbing is great advice, keeps you sane and drives them NUTS, oh ya they were already NUTS, lol. God bless, Goldie
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
imabloke
imabloke's picture

Hey Goldie

How's things?... yep am still alive. And i'm one helluva lot better than i was last year! Still single but i'm having a great time and happier. Lots of new friends and a new life without that shitty person. Oh yeah - the snubbin' - she was as furious as hell and i hope he (the boss) got the sting of that one - ha! Fuck 'em - they deserve each other.. fall off the planet for all i care. Onwards and upwards! God bless imabloke x
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
Used
Used's picture

imabloke

well pleased to hear you sound well positive... new freinds...new life...new you....... onwards and upwards indeed.xxxx
Oct 16 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Excellent!! Hunter

Excellent!! Hunter
Oct 12 - 1AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

I've got stab wounds in my back too

But they are virtually healed now. Everything you have said resonates so clearly with my road to recovery too. Thank you for posting. It is a process, of elimination mostly - the memories (good and bad) etc, etc, and unfortunately at times, hurts so much. But they have to be got through in order to move forward and focusing our attention on US, rather than on THEM, is the only formula that ultimately brings us to a place of indifference and peace. We are all worth more and deserve so much better than what the ex had to offer us. Which, as we all know, was nothing. Am genuinely pleased for you and I too look forward to a better, brighter and happier future without the ex-P. Dee x
Oct 9 - 5PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Thanksfor coming back to

Thanksfor coming back to visit. I appreciate your actions, it is the best way by far, nc and move on. Better to live in the corner of an attic alone, instead of in a mansion with a cantankerous person. ds
Oct 9 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
imabloke
imabloke's picture

Hi D

Thanks.. Hope it helps... Funny you should mention a room in a house... this was sent to me early in my recovery... ...I know all about these feelings and how they do not match up with the physically beautiful person..it's like driving into an expensive neighborhood..seeing a beautiful home and going inside only to find it is a complete mess, chaotic and in disarray... its just part of a reply someone sent to me (from this site)... the whole post helped me immensely..
Oct 9 - 5PM
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Imabloke

Similar story here, Ima. Thanks for posting. Indifference and NC are our best friends. And never ever ever taking them back, no matter how it might ease the pain initially. Like you I was dumped by my best friend, ever. The man who I loved and trusted more than I trusted myself. We were about to be married and he vanished into thin air. The shock nearly killed me. If he'd had sex with someone else and actually said something nasty, it would have at least been understandable...horrible but it would have made some kind of sense. Instead I was left feeling as if someone had intentionally planned and executed a torture. I was fattened for the kill for 18 months by a very effective sadist. All his jollies must have come in one fell swoop. I picture him masturbating to my misery. It is beyond belief. I am pretty much over it and agree that we dodged bullets. It's the initial shock that has taken such a toll on me. Over the last week I've had symptoms of a stroke. It probably won't turn out to be that, but if it is, I can honestly say...he caused it. Emotional torture has physical consequences. If we actually did end up married, MYGOD. Had I actually woken up and realized I'd married a monster at this stage of my life, I am quite certain the shock would finish me off within a month or two of marriage. Here I am and here YOU are, both still alive. Something to celebrate, for sure!
Oct 9 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
imabloke
imabloke's picture

Hi enps..

Sorry to hear your story. I hope my post helped. I don't feel these emotionally dysfunctional people get off on this crap.. it's just that, they don't care... it's really that simple to them. No empathy. We are thankful that we do feel.. we care... we listen.. we encourage... we don't scorn.. we don't wish ill on people... etc.. Relationships are like plants.. they need looking after.. they need feeding. Celebrate the fact that you are a wonderful person that is capable of loving someone and is willing to receive as well as give. These so and so's, can't do that and i feel sorry for them. I'm still friends with my mate who's an 'n' or PD, whatever, he's my brother in law.. i've known him for years, thought i was wrong about him until recently. I could tell you guys so much. And i do feel for him.. he is sooooo lost and a trained physcotherapist!
Oct 9 - 4PM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

imabloke

Wonderful words of encouragement! You are the best too!
Oct 24 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
DLP75
DLP75's picture

AWESOME STORY, THANKS!

I really appreciate your words of encouragement. I was dumped about 8 weeks ago by this lovely creature I have been with for nine years. I'm almost embarrassed to say how long because I look like the fool here for putting up with her arrogant self. After 9 years and several break ups where she used the silent treatment very professionally,she finally dumped me by calling me on a Friday evening and told me her heart wasn't in the relationship, and she didn't want to try anymore. Of course she quit talking to me regularly the week before so I assumed she was spending her time with someone else. She texted me about three weeks ago and told me she was thinking about me/us, didn't know if I was dating anyone yet, but just wanted to let me know she was thinking about me. I had not read anything about no contact yet, so of course I responded and wish now I hadn't. There has been no contact either way since then, and I know it's sad to say, but I wish she would try to contact now so I could ignore her as she has me. I am seriously thinking about writing a book with all of the things this woman put me through in all that time. As you said, she was the one I wanted to marry, and I figured after all the arguments we had over the years, we had dealt with any issues that might have kept us from that. When I pressed finally getting married, it wasn't two weeks until she dumped me. Sorry to go on like this, I just really wanted to say thanks for your encouragement.