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Shocked

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#1 Apr 18 - 4AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Shocked

So i went out with a friend last night , a friend who is friends with ex narc . My friend told me that he spent the evening with ex narc a few nights ago and ex narc told my friend that he thought i would try and get back with him .I did the right thing and told my friend to change the subject and that i didnt want his name mentioned but the damage was done , just to hear about ex narc and that he had been talking about me brought up so any triggers i felt sick to my stomach . I did try and get back with him many times so i guess but NEVER again .
Anyway i then had one drink too many and let rip at my friend , i was really horrible to him and said some very unkind things but it wasnt him i was mad at . Im feeling like i let myself down , i fear i am developing a very bad attitude problem .Im pretty scared that all this anger wont ever go away and that i will ailenate myself from everyone i know .
I really need the girls at the moment , i shocked myself last night that i could be so hurtful to someone .
Scoop x

Apr 18 - 11AM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Hi Scoop, It is completely

Hi Scoop, It is completely shocking the way these people can bring out the bad side in all of us. You are angry and have every right to be so. Unfortunately, sometimes the anger in people comes out indirectly and is projected onto others. It happens daily with EVERYONE, let alone people that have been through being involved with one of these people. Does you friend know what you have been through? If you end up having to stay away from the people that have contact with your ex, it is for your own good. It's almost like you have to "clean house" of the people that are toxic or that the N had some influence on. You WILL get over the anger and you do not have an attitude problem. You are going through the process of healing and need to reach the other side. Don't beat yourself up! :)
Apr 18 - 9AM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Scoop,,the anger festers for a long, LONG time

It is ridiculous how long the anger festers within us, you are angry at him for so many reasons,,it is not fair,,you tried to mend things with him like any normal or truly devoted person would do,,you were at the end of your rope so many times,,and his mistreatment of you made you feel and do these things,,,they prey on and play people to get them into acting crazy,,,,so that they ultimately go down the road to "self destruct" themselves,,this is their indirect and purposeful way of damaging you.. These guys love to see the girl rebel, freak out, let him have it,,,keep the cycle going,,to the point you don't even know what is right and good for you..they like to take you off focus and go mad,,, Then they act like nothing happened, take you back,,or then,,the "sling it back in your face" when they project, turn it all around and say you are the crazy one,,,,yaada yaada,,they play this game,,, Yes, the anger tried to get the best of you... Pls don't let the anger get the best of you,,realize you are very very angry at him for all the mistreatment,,,I know,,,mine went on for years,,and didn't even know about how misused, misled, misguided I was,,,I thought it was love,,or me loving him and and having a great relationship... Forgive yourself,,you need an outlet,,you do need to tell people about what happened!!! It is tough, I could never get together with someone who is even remotely associated with the exN,,,it is like they are ALL CONTAMINATED with his brainwashing and antics,...it is like they all have a virus,,,are sick,,manipulated by him and play to his game,.,,,it is sick,,it makes me sick,,, Just try to stay away from those folks,,it will melt you down,,and it is not good for you,,case in point,,,so try to reach out to some new people (or us here!) when you get so mad,,,you will get some new perspectives,,and you will be able to handle it is a way that is good for you.