Silly's Story

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#1 Sep 22 - 8PM

silly

Silly's Story

i was in a relationship with an n for a couple of years. he was so kind, considerate and charming in the beginning but then i noticed that if and when he didn't get his own way it would be my fault and he would lash out at me. he would criticise me for being too short, too silly, not this - not that... i have been no contact for 6 months and struggle everyday. as much as i was treated badly i would still want to be with him.. he has since met another girl who is 18 years his junior - and this makes it even worse - especially when i have to see her regularly. he would control the relationship and everytime i did something wrong he would say - that's it - it's over... he had no intention of committing, having a family, having any responsibility - he just wanted to go on holidays and have fun!... as soon as some sort of responsibility came into the picture - whether it be with his job or caring for sick family members - he would get stressed and it would all be my fault.. one day he wanted to marry me - the next he said he couldn't do it - and changed his mind.. i just hate the fact that he is happy with the OW and wonder whether she will ever get treated like i did even though she is satisfying his needs. if i was 10 minutes late to meet him - he would yell at me... please help...

#2 Oct 10 - 12AM

silly

how can they tell you one day

how can they tell you one day that they love you and want to marry you and then a few days later tell you that they can't do the whole marriage thing - it costs too much, it's too big, he's not ready, why can't we just live together - what would happen if we got a divorce?? you know - he once said - i never took any money from you, we don't have any assets together - so what is the big deal

#3 Oct 3 - 12AM

silly

i just heard that my ex said

i just heard that my ex said he has never been happier now that he has another woman! will the happiness last?

#4 Sep 27 - 8AM

Used

silly

dont ever be bothered about OW, they will be treated exactly how you were treated...i still see exn with diffrent women, it doesnt bother me, i know what is in store for them...so whats to worry or think about....hunter is quite right, think about yourself ,not anyone else...get healed..get better..but dont get jealous...everything he done to you he will do to her...ITS WHO HE IS, AND ITS WHAT HE DOES.....

#5 Sep 27 - 8AM

Crazy Train

Silly, Don't give the OW a

Silly, Don't give the OW a second thought. He isn't happy with her either. If she isn't already, she WILL endure the same pain that he put you thru. I think about my ex N, running around telling women that he's in love with them, but truth is, he will put them thru hell as well. After 4 weeks of NC, I still think about him constantly and have fantasies of going back to the fake relationship we had in the beginning when I thought he was Prince Charming. He actually ruined a part of me that will never be the same. I try to concentrate on all the negative experiences, not the "happy" ones that were totally fabricated by him. I still cannot get over that our "relationship" meant nothing to him. I'll probably never get over feeling betrayed by someone who I really felt love for.

#6 Sep 29 - 3AM (Reply to #17)

silly

mine was a fair bit older

mine was a fair bit older than me and would constantly tell me that no other man would put up with me.. that i was so lucky to have him.. that no younger man would treat me the way he does - younger guys have no idea how to treat a woman... and now the OW has fallen for him... wake up.. oh and he would rage when he heard the word commitment too.. wanted to move in, go on holidays, keep me away from my family but never get married!! he couldn't tell his family that i wasn't too fond of animals running around all over me... if you love someone - you don't judge them on their fears.. but he did

#7 Sep 25 - 7PM

silly

i seriously thought that i

i seriously thought that i had driven him to behave this way as i did not fulfil all of his needs.. i really hope karma comes and gets him.. the OW thinks it is all fun.. does anyone know how long it takes for the OW to click...

#8 Sep 26 - 9PM (Reply to #14)

Hunter

Your goal here is to find

Your goal here is to find you again! The OW will get hers, how long it takes has many factors! Don't worry about it, it's not you problem. Understanding the dynamics of the Narc that's how you will heal. understanding Is key!! Hunter

#9 Sep 26 - 9PM (Reply to #15)

silly

i don't understand how

i don't understand how someone can just discard you like a piece of rubbish as soon as they found new supply and then tell me how they hadn't loved me for a long time but didn't bother to say this previously - they just continued on for the ride and continued to be his best at creating arguments.

#10 Sep 25 - 10AM

Hunter

Silly

This man is abusive! Help yourself, learn what he his and go NC. It won't get better, Hunter

#11 Sep 22 - 10PM

dulcinea441

I have been distraught over

I have been distraught over the thought of my ex loving a new woman, but I remind myself that he does not love anyone, cannot love anyone, except himself. It's hard to convince ourselves of this cruel reality because we remember being on Cloud 9 with these men, once upon a time. They were so full of ecstatic joy in our presence that they made us feel the same way. It *seemed* for all the world like genuine love, and the most exhilarating and passionate love, at that. That is how they trap us. But remember how you have been discarded. No one capable of feeling the human emotion of love could really be THAT cruel.

#12 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

rosedewittbukater

Dulcinea

But remember how you have been discarded. No one capable of feeling the human emotion of love could really be THAT cruel. Thank you for reminding me of that! You are spot-on with that. It still amazes me how they can flip it on and off like a switch. How one can go from "the love of their lives" to their mortal enemy overnight. Healthy people do not behave that way!

#13 Sep 24 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

Susan32

Flipping the Switch

The ex-Psych prof thought I was as capable of flipping my feelings on and off for him like a switch. I honestly think that's what was going on in the final D&D. That's how he defined "moving on." But I'm HUMAN. Feelings don't work that way. He'd tell me about this Tolstoy short story called "Alyosha the Pot." Alyosha is a serf who falls in love... when his master tells him that it's inappropriate, Alyosha switches off his feelings and joyfully declares that everybody should renounce marriage, love, etc. The ex-P thought that telling me my feelings for him (I waited for my senior year to tell him how I felt, with graduation conveniently around the corner, and to see if I REALLY felt it) was simply "inappropriate behavior" that could be simply dismissed&switched off. He made a bigger deal about "appropriate behavior" than my FEELINGS. I felt love-not just the infatuation, swoony, being aroused kind of love. I wanted him to be happy in his life. I wanted him to be happy, even if he weren't romantically interested in me. When I wished him well with his girlfriend... of course I got raged at.

#14 Sep 26 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

silly

my x used to go crazy around

my x used to go crazy around the middle of the month... there was such a pattern to his behaviour..

#15 Sep 27 - 12AM (Reply to #7)

Susan32

Insanity has no schedule

Sounds like your Narc has something like male PMS, if there is such a thing. I had a Narc boss who'd get irritable (he was male), and the long-running joke was it was his PMS, even he would say he had PMS. As for the ex-Psych prof, it was what Disneyland once called "Anything Can Happen Day." He followed no set pattern. Even for Narcs. Anything could drive him nuts... ANYTHING. My baby nephew is better at following a regular schedule.

#16 Sep 29 - 2AM (Reply to #8)

silly

anyone got any ideas on what

anyone got any ideas on what i can think of to make me feel better when i see the OW... i'm really struggling.. i get the palpitations ........

#17 Oct 2 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

malagadoll

I recently got out of an

I recently got out of an abusive relationship with an N after 5 years, and a total of 8 years of being best friends. 4 months later I found out that he was in another relationship (hes 25 hes dating a 19 year old). At first it crushed me, accepting that our relationship wasn't real at all was the first step towards recovery (and one of the most painful). But once you accept that and educate yourself more on Ns you realize that he doesn't really love the OW either. She'll inevitabely get treated the same way, and for me I started to feel better once I realized how many of our mutual friends agreed how messed up he was for jumping into anothe relationship so quickly and how dilusional he was. I felt better knowing I wasn't the only one who thought so. He even dates a girl that looks like an ugly version of me (they say imitation is the most scincere form of flattery) and I just look at it like he knew I was too good so he went and found a version of me thats niave to his N and never stands up for herself. He even went so far as to bring her to a mutual friend of ours party and follow me around with her all day. I heard he was there with her before I went and of course didnt want to go but when my best friend dragged me anyway I realized that i was being silly to let him ruin my good time with his games. All he did was make himself look like an idiot and make me see that love is just a game to him. He eventually kept texting me behind her back and yours may do the same but know that NC is the only way to go and it sounds harsh but you need to move on. Someone healthy will truly love you some day and you'll look back at all the time wasted worrying about a jerk who will never have the amazing feeling of being in a real relationship!

#18 Oct 4 - 8PM (Reply to #10)

silly

why do i keep questioning

why do i keep questioning whether this guy is a narc or whether he just treated me this way.. he is with the other woman now and says he is happier than ever.. maybe it was me that caused him to behave this way! can someone please help

#19 Oct 20 - 1AM (Reply to #11)

silly

so why is it that i have to

so why is it that i have to see the other woman everyday and she has been brainwashed into thinking that i am crazy!!!!!

#20 Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

silly

thanks... sometimes i wonder

thanks... sometimes i wonder whether those traits are really traits of an N. what do you think? do you think they eventually show these traits to the OW.. after how long?

#21 Oct 6 - 9PM (Reply to #3)

silly

when will i feel better -

when will i feel better - it's been 9 months and i go from feeling better to worse... it just hurts knowing that he is happy with OW

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