Slightly confused?

they are never happy... and thats something i will not be moved on... yes when they first meet us , yep the chase seems good, but even thats not about happiness is its about the game... i was with narc24/7 for 2 years solid,, in fact i know married couples who see each other less.. if he could f..k up someone,s day which he did time and time again.. he said to me i am so unhappy i do it to bring them down as well... you dont say!!!! i used to think...how can anyone who needs people, validation all the time be happy... i saw him today with someone i wouldnt give the time of day to and i thought no change there,...and when me and a mate had a discussion about narcs happiness,, and she said he is an "actor", so i said then he must be very unhappy to need to act, b/c if you cant be your self with people and have to pretend to be someone else... then you aint happy... even when i meet new people i am myself always.. they can take or leave me.. i couldnt care less... so i am ok with who i am... they are not!!! i been with narc when he cant stop crying, cos his life was unravelling yet again... and yeah ,acting the tears maybe ... but what for he knew i no longer believed a word he said so why bother... i would even grin and say dont your tear ducts every stop... be yourself for f..ks sake and he said i cant,, i dont know how to any more... happy yeah right..

According to the medical literature about NPD, they have very little capacity to experience deep, "normal" states of feeling. It is part of the disorder for them to feel very superficially. You probably noticed that his feelings shifted with the winds, for no apparent reason you could tell. This is part of it, too. A Narc's primary goal in life is to seek attention and admiration. They will go to lengths the rest of us do not understand to get this. We call it "supply" here, or "narcissistic supply". They see attention and admiration as a commodity they MUST have, at all costs. They will trample someone they professed "love" to an hour before to get that next fix of attention. So is he really all that happy? Well, not in "normal" terms. He was "that happy" when you and he first met. And then look what happened, right? Eventually, his true self came forward and the destruction began. Narcs appear "happy" as long as they feel in control, and their "supply" source is pumping out enough "supply". It's not real happiness. That's why it never lasts and is never real, and they repeat this same pattern with every new partner until they die (or, are killed LOL!! by doing a number on the head of the WRONG person lol).

One of the things that stinks about all this is that they don't change, as all have stated, but these "honeymoon" periods can last for years. Ours lasted a year before the D&D, and I am sure it would have lasted a lot longer if the foster child hadn't come. He was seeing other women the whole year behind me back, talking about marriage and children, etc. I'm sure we would have gotten engaged, gotten preganant, maybe even moved in together and gotten married before he D&Dd me. I think the length of the honeymoon depends on a lot of factors, but that a big part of it is making you jealous and sad, and another big part is how much the new woman will take. Mine has had these other women in his life for years. I don't know most of them, never met them, but I know the babysitter, and she is the most unbelieveable enabling doormat on the face of the earth: she leaves him dinner every night, but on his stoop because she's not allowed in his house. She uses her vacation time to babysit his foster child when he goes to Las Vegas for a week at a time. She has to have him stay in her apartment because the narc won't let them stay in his house, and he doesn't even give her a key to the house so they can spend time there or in case he needs or wants something from home. And the house is next door to her! She just smiles and says yes whenever he asks for something. She never questions a thing. And he defends everything she does, adores her, she can do no wrong. So if this new woman doesn't mind being treated like crap, the honeymoon could go on for a long time. But eventually he'll get bored, and eventually he'll start cheating, and eventually she'll find out and have enough. As someone said, "Lather, rinse, repeat."

At what they will do to try and hurt you. Jealousy is one of their favorite tactics. Trust me, he is not living the lovey dovey life that he is portraying. It's probably just another game/tactic to provoke pain or a response from you. This is your chance to be free now and escape!!! Stay stong girly!!

I'd like the opportunity to go over some of your thoughts/questions with you. First off, NARC 101 teaches us that these jerks have no empathy. Some say that NARC's are created by being overly coddled by their parents, some say it's from extreme abuse and some say its from some brain dysfunction...the AMALGDYA *don't know if I spelled it right is somehow out of wack...to small for such a big head or something like that. Whatever theory you choose to believe...and feel free to come up with your own - it's free game at this point...the fact is, they lack empathy. They lack conscious they lack FEELINGS. I know you've read some about cognitive dissonance, so be kind to yourself as you continue to ask yourself an inordinate amount of questions, yet somehow NEVER be able to come up with any RATIONAL answer. This is because a NARC situation is irrational. OKAY..so, here goes...you said: I know he is needy, insecure, controlling, abusive, manipulative but he has not reached out to me at all to come back or writes me anything about the future. YOU DON'T KNOW THIS YET. You haven't really accepted that this is the reality. Let me try to paint a picture for you. You are walking in the jungle. A lion comes, he attempts to devour you - somehow you make it though the ordeal alive. Is it rational to ask why the Lion has not come back to make amends? Why the lion did not understand how wrong it was for him to eat you alive? Was it really wrong for the lion to do that to you? I am guessing you would answer the last question by stating: No, the lion wasn't necessarily wrong because he is a predator and that is his nature. RIGHT! IT IS IN THE NATURE of the NARC to be a predator. They satisfy themselves. People are not people but OBJECTS. Your role is to satisfy whatever hunger he has. Once you take a stand or uncover the mask, you must be DISCARDED. You've been discarded. It is the end of the story. Period. DONE. Now where does that leave you? That leaves you having to recover. It is cold, hard, and cruel what they've done, but it is what it is, and you have to on some level, disconnect from the why's or the hows and put the focus on SELF. The first step is NC...and I understand you share a child, but emotionally, you have to put the armor on your heart. Information on logistics for visitation etc, exchanging facts or arrangements do not necessitate an emotional connection. You then wrote: So my question is, is he just faking all this happy with life and new gf stuff to save face? I just don't get it. So, you're wondering if he's just faking all this happy life... After what I've just read...what are your thoughts? I'll say, I don't think it is a matter of faking, it's a matter of using people and manipulating them - but why is your mind wondering if he's faking it? What does your rational mind tell you after knowing what you know about NARCS. I am not trying to be condescending...I'm trying to get you to a place of applying some logic to what the reality is. VERY VERY hard for us to do. Totally understand and am totally wounded myself; however, we are all here to support one another so let's re-direct our thinking...what do we know about these jerks? Is where you are going with your thoughts helpful to you? Instead of thinking if he's faking, let's get into WHY you are thinking the way you are thinking in spite of what you know. I think - and it's helped me put things into perspective that once we can really truly understand and accept the facts of what these beasts are, we tend to stop wondering about them, and more about ourselves. Certainly, we don't ask ourselves why Lions when hungry eat people? It is an up and down process - some days I feel okay, others I just cry. All the feelings we have are normal. We've been emotionally assaulted. Let it out - but I'd like to hear your thoughts... All the best Hugs!

honeymoon time. but as long as it is getting some response from you, i would guess he will play it for all it's worth, even when it is no longer true anymore. almostlydia