something to think about

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#1 Sep 20 - 1PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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something to think about

during a period when I wanted REVENGE my counselor said to me, YOU WANT REVENGE? CUT HIM OFF, SEVER IT COMPLETELY that is the closest thing to revenge you can get with them, no explanation, NOTHING, CUT IT CLEAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. He warned me you will never witness his reaction and trust me you dont want to be there either to see it, but that is your revenge, it is now time to give them what is due, they will rage because with them you are not allowed to leave until they want you to leave. And when you leave never wonder what they are doing , they will be doing what they have always done when you were with them and when you are gone, you can wonder what poor victims they are destroying now but it wont be you, being happy, living well, and not wanting them is severe narcisstic injury, they hate rejection.

Sep 20 - 11PM
Marie
Marie's picture

Excellent post!

Cynthia, this is an excellent post and spot on! After I got over my depression when I was first dumped, I was so angry. I wanted revenge so bad. Everyday I would come up with some other idea only to realize no matter what the outcome of my actions would only hurt me. Then obsessing over getting revenge also made me realize as long as I obsessed he was continuing to be a part of my life. With people like these the best advice is definitely to cut them off without a word and disappear if you can. Cut them out like a malignant growth because that's all they are.
Sep 20 - 11PM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

CYNTHIA!

Oh I wish I had known this BEFORE i went ahead and told her. I wish I was the one that got to discard him and tell him he is a jerk and walk away and never care. I want that so bad but instead he got the last word, I'm labelled a pyscho (as we useless discards all are) and he is out there with her still with her not believeing that he ever had anything with me. I think this is great post and if anyone new comes on board we need to direct them ehre straight awway so they know what to do and don't make the humiliating mistake I did. I wish I had got to do this I wish I got to discard this awful evil man who has ripped away my hopes and heart and faith and I want him to pay.
Sep 20 - 4PM
baddream
baddream's picture

Yes, this is right on.

I agree with this. Taking away all of their control, walking away without a word, do not acknowledge anything, do not tell them that they have hurt you, do not give them the benefit of any explanation, just DISAPPEAR off their radar screen like they do not exist AND NEVER EXISTED. They can not stand this. It is even worse than going public and insulting them because when you do that, at least they exist. They actually thrive on bad attention also, because then they can accuse you of going off the deep end and see your emotion. You must ERASE them and move on, as hard as that will be. After all, they have hurt us and we naturally want to get back at them. This will practically kill them, and if you were involved with them for a long period of time and had a relationship with them they will not know what happened and it will put them in a rage and drive them crazy. I know this from my experience. My N has tried to contact me, I had disappeared without a word, his friends have told me he is in a bad depression and although he is with the gf, he is miserable and living like a hermit! MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!!!
Sep 21 - 12AM (Reply to #8)
Marie
Marie's picture

Baddream

You sound well that's good to hear. Good to hear too he's in a bad depression. I don't wish bad things on anyone but when someone has been evil to you it's hard not to feel happy when something bad happens to them. A month after my N dumped me he began playing this nasty little game with me. I still hadn't figured out he was an N and what he was about. From the things he was doing it was clear he had something wrong with him. He began the very hurtful thing of learning parties or places I would be, then go there to either totally ignore me or act coldly. So I changed habits and made myself vanish because I just wanted to be left alone and not be a part of his sick little world. He called me one day to see what was up. He accused me of avoiding him and said it wasn't necessary. I thought it was funny that he would accuse me of that, I didn't do it to be hurtful. My disappearing act was done to be left alone because I got the feeling my presence anywhere he was fed into his sickness that I still wanted him in some way. So yeah if you want to make them crazy disappear without a trace. Mine has gone in and out of depressions but I'm sure it's not over me. His depressions are always of the woe is me type. What did I ever do to deserve this, kind of thing. Early on I remember talking about relationships in general with him and his tune would always be about finding a lasting love; how things never seemed to work out. It's no wonder with the way he treated me, I'm sure he treated all the others before me the same or worse. His depressions I'm sure never include thoughts of why do I do these things and hurt people. They are just self centered pity parties. Seeking revenge is pointless because they don't see anything wrong with what they do. It's far better to move on and block them out. I think they enjoy sitting in the misery they create anyway.
Sep 20 - 11PM (Reply to #6)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

baddream that's awesome!

Baddream I wish I could have done what you did. That is so great! Sorry, not in a good place to be sympathetic towards these aliens today and I am glad at least one of us got revenge! You are right, bad attention is still attention and that is all I did for him. Your way is much better it would have killed him, he can't stand it when I don't reply to a text message for 10 minutes he goes crazy with phone calls. Can I ask why this is? Why are they like that? Us not being there at their beck and call sends them into a desperate whirlwind? They all sound the same! Why does ignorning them drive them up the wall? I guess no attention on them is why, I guess they feel they can't control us. Dam. I so wish I got to do that to him. I WISH!
Sep 21 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
baddream
baddream's picture

Cupcake..

It is never too late. You can start this strategy tomorrow. When you wake up you can turn over a new leaf and just disappear! That means NC ever again, no replying to texts, nothing. He will be utterly shocked. It is hard to do because we are the normal ones. When someone reaches out to us we respond as healthy human beings. Just remember when he turns on the nice pretend guy that is just to suck you in. Try my form of revenge.. Remember these two rules and stick to them: 1. Everything he does is to get a REACTION. You must be stronger than that and do not respond. 2. The greatest revenge of all is NOT LETTING HIM SEE YOU GIVE A DAMN. Try sticking to these rules. At first it will be very hard, but every day that goes by will make you stronger. At the end of each day give yourself a little reward--do something for you. Something that you like, or a gold star. Give him the last and ultimate D&D..Watch and see what happens. He will freak out!
Sep 20 - 2PM
dolce (not verified)
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cynthia,

I needed this today. Thanks!
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

telling

I don't believe in revenge. I do believe in exposure and telling. That usually inflicts some rage from them but too bad so sad. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Barbara , whats the

Barbara , whats the difference between exposure and revenge . Loving the starve the vampire post by the way posted at just the right time . Peru x
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

perutoo - the difference

BIG difference Revenge is calling him incessantly, calling his job or friends and ranting about him, emailing him articles or nasty stuff, letting the air out of his tires, leaving junk in his mailbox, attempting to sabotage his new relationships... Exposure is TELLING - such as going to the exposure sites or creating a blog or website where you tell your story... and you have NO REACTION when he comments on the blog that you're a liar or psycho - you just delete. You tell your story in a calm, unemotional way and TELL THE TRUTH without embellishment. Ns & Ps see exposure as revenge but it is NOT. It is something you do FOR you - not TO them. Here's my exposure of Psycho-Boy: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck