sorry, in a bad place tonight

But you need to remember you are NOT dealing with a normal person. You are dealing with someone who is, bottom line, A PREDATOR. And in this case the courts are here to help you. Ns have a BIG penchant for dragging things on & on & on legally hoping that their victims will do EXACTLY what you are contemplating - and of course I GUARANTEE YOU WILL REGRET IT! I have coached many women who have been through this and its ALWAYS the same. Your attorney needs to be more pro-active for you and you need to make more polite demands. Your N should be CHARGED for all the court's time he wastes dragging things out, N should PAY your attorney fees and the court's fees when he pulls this crap! And your attorney should TELL HIS ATTY IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS. Also, your N should face court fees & jail time when he delays, etc. Again - your attorney should be doing this. You have PTSD cassiemay - IMHO you shouldn't even be in the same room with your N and his sychophants. Don't do it. And stay BUSY!! Don't give yourself time for these thoughts of TOXIC HOPE that the nice guy you first met will come back and settle peacefully. That guy never existed. This is NOT, I repeat, NOT a 'No Fault' situation. You may want to get a book called SPLITTING by William Eddy, an attorney who as dealt with Ns in court. Read it and share it with your attorney. One of the most perplexing and painful things a person can go through is divorcing someone with traits of a personality disorder. In the context of court William Eddy astutely (albeit somewhat impersonally) labels these personalities "Persuasive Blamers." While many people divorcing a persuasive blamer may not believe they will experience the distortions alluded to in Eddy's book, most of them will to one extent or another. The fear of abandonment (in the case of borderlines) or fear of loss of personal esteem (in the case of narcissists) frequently causes people with personality disorders to sink to new and previously unfathomable lows. Fortunately, those lucky enough to have read Mr. Eddy's book will be intellectually unsurprised (although it's still emotionally devastating) by these moves and will be more likely to respond in a resourceful manner. The other important reason to read this book is to understand the limitations and methods of the court system which itself has traits of several personality disorders (don't courts think in black and white?). The courts are shockingly ill prepared to deal with personality disorders despite the fact that the majority of divorce cases that actually go to trial involve a party with traits of at least one personality disorder. 'Splitting' informs you that it's your job, not that of the court system, to persuasively present the truth, and it gives many excellent suggestions for doing so. Buy this book early, before separating if possible. In fact, if you are married to someone with traits of a personality disorder and are not even contemplating divorce, you should purchase and read this book for no other reason than it will give you incentive to start a detailed journal, and that's worth the price of this book all by itself. http://www.bpd411.org/books.html#Splitting Also read GOING TO COURT AGAINST A BORDERLINE. MUCH of it applies to Ns also: http://www.bpd411.org/persuasiveblamers.html excerpt: You simply cannot afford to be nice to the other person in court, it won't go your way. Be civil, not merciful. Never allow them to be given a lie detector test. They can often fool these devices because they truly believe the constructions they have created in their minds. They can be persuasive simply by repeating lies. Repeat a lie often enough, and people will believe you. ~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, the most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They keep fellow abusers, gossips & enabling lackeys close. They despise the principled & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation!" - A. Valerious

Sorry to hear you are in a bad place right now. I hear you on getting better, but still needing time to recover. I think that each valley brings you out a little stronger though. I keep asking "Why?" Why couldn't he have just been honest with me? It's so weird that someone I spoke to every day for three years and got support from... suddenly disappeared. I actually contacted his mother (big mistake, of course) who told me that I should just move on and stop asking questions if I wanted the nightmare to be over. Whatever lady. I have emotions even if you and your son don't. :-) So, I totally understand the desire to hear "I'm sorry" and have him mean it.Unfortunately, and I know you know this, it's not going to happen. And, of course, you didn't do anything to deserve this. It's just tough. I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. It's nice to see people be positive and supportive here instead of just stuck in isolation all by themselves.