Stepping off the ride...

Hi all

Been a while (again!) since posting....it's over a year since my final discard!! My God, it's a real milestone!

So time to reflect, I find I do alot of this lately but in a very positive way, on all the amazing steps which were so small but so signficant, the things I have managed to do in the last 12 months of recovery which I never thought I could do, just going to our local market town was an achievement and I did this for the first time with Healing Slow, could not have done it without her! I remember those dark, dense early days. When getting out of bed was goal, when I couldn't see how I would ever piece my life back together, it was quite simply trashed in my head. When passing him in the car made me feel sick. And I know some of you will still be in that time of density, where it is all consuming and all encompassing. The trick is no contact. But I promise you from the bottom of my heart, you will get your lives back and they will be better, so much better than before. There is a reason we attract these types of people and when you do the work on you and understand why, it's truly enlightening. Oooh, and then you discover boundaries, and learn to listen to your own feelings.....how have I lived without doing this? Thankful for that discard am I!!! (mm, a bit Yoda like that bit, sorry!)

I have stopped wondering what he is doing every minute of the day, can go for a long long time without thinking or feeling anything, whether he truly loves the new supply...we know the answer to that! Before Christmas I received a Christmas card. I broke NC to formally ask him to leave me alone. THERE IS A LESSON TO ALL OF US HERE!! Whatever you say to them, they ignore, they brush aside....let's face it, we could not possibly have meant it?

So to Trotters and his amazing journey in the last 12 months - left me and within 2 weeks was with NS....poor lady. She has lasted 10 months, she was only the 2nd woman he has ever loved in his life apparently (I was just a blip for 3 years I guess!)! So they are no longer together I have heard and I get hoovered, more about that in a moment. Back to the panic he must now be feeling!!! This is the karma....snaring new supply will be getting harder and harder, the lies more and more in depth and the cycle shorter and shorter. The next one will hear all the lies about the last 2 of us, why we didn't make the mark...one was a nutter and one was probably an alcoholic..that sounds plausible!! But she will be a total empath, just like I was. These poor poor women need to learn that any man that says nasty things about his previous partners is not someone you want to be with.

The hoover this time....an email (and before you all shout, it is impossible to block every avenue for me especially via work). The difference is whether you can deal with it. My first hoover over 6 months ago was validating although made me wobble massively...the next ones were less emotional, more insulting, this one is totally laughable. "Do you still hate me? Can we be friends? I assume I am off your Christmas card list although you will always be on mine? Hope you are all ok?. REALLY?

So tempting to reply with one word...indifference. But even that takes effort to hit send!!! And my silence now the biggest "F" you.

All the mods on here and those of us who have been here a while know that eventually you will not feel anything about a hoover...you know what they are and what they are coming from and why. There was no worry or concern for me or my children 2 weeks after he left us when we were in bits.

And so, I continue to ignore and enjoy my life...without him in it. I had one moment this evening, sat here with my kitchen in a bit of a state, my kids arguing..you know all the normal stuff and I thought, what if he were about to walk through that door now? UUUURGH! I would be so stressed. Life may be hard some days, but never as stressy and emotionally charged as life with a narc. So focus on that, if you struggle some days, when the fog lifts and you choose to step off the emotional roller coaster....contentment arrives...it rocks. It is peaceful, not perfect, nothing is, but so so calm.

Stay NC, don't contact them as they don't listen. Learn from my mistakes!! Snakes....with dicks, that is what they are. Hugs to all of you where ever you are on your journey and stay strong x