Still growing

More hovers, I received two more letters from the narc. That makes 5 in about four weeks. I threw the one I received earlier this week away, but I read the last one. I was on my way to work, and open it without thinking it through. I need to work my plan and let a girlfriend open them. Same garbage. He owns me money, so I keep hoping he will send me money. He was paying me back till I broke up with him. I am a little shock with all the letters lately, some of them really do not go away!
It did get me spinning some, I was so angry that after a year and a half, he trying to get back in. The obsessive thoughts started all over again. I wanted to call him.
So Sunday night, I made myself sit down and started to think things through. I know he is a narc, no doubt about that in my mind, but I was surprise that I would even think about contacting him. After some quiet time I realize that though I have not been so pro-active in my recovery that I have been relax about it lately. It is so easy to get into the hustle of life and put things on the back burner. So I wrote out a list of what progress I have made in my life dealing with FOO issues and other issues concerning the narc. I have maintained Nc, till I read the letters. I see that this journey does continue if I want to heal the broken places in my life, even with Nc. I wrote another list with some goals that I want to reach. I was in serious therapy, did the group therapy this site offers and had some one and one sessions with Goldie, this past year. I have been feeling good, but perhaps I just buried some emotions concerning the narc.
It’s been least 6 months since I’ve been in therapy, and perhaps more is needed. I continue to read from this site and am so thankful for all the mods and members who post. When I was spinning I read and re-read the blogs, they helped me to get refocus. And so the journey continues….

Still moving and growing
Hugs
Ff5