the temptation is undestandable but these jerks remain UNmoved.
It is the equivalent of taking that letter and putting it in the wastebasket. I'm telling you, please believe me. This is not about advising someone to take the high road or have "pride" it is the fact that you will end up even more frustrated by their indifference, snide remarks, more arrogance or SILENCE.
You do need an outlet to get it out here...so please do feel free to write that letter with every ounce of passion you have and if you like, share it here as you will definately get a response, some humor, some "love", "support" and validation.
Hugs!
Going on 3 months and want so much to have one last final chance to speak.
He silenced me. He left. Then, I left and didn't even leave a goodbye note. I tried to talk one last chance before he left.
I tried to say goodbye, but he silenced and
threatened me. I write notes.
I write a letter in my head. I think it would help, but in the big picture, what would change? Nothing. And the possible negatives are huge: open to more d&d stuff, he may not read it, much less respond (so he gets last dig), lose my power, humiliation if he tells people and says how crazy *I* am, more supply for him at my expense, set back in healing... I get it, but I remain stuck. :( ((((hugs))))
Four months post breakup-Negative Narcissistic Supply
Yeah, I'm tempted to write my own pompous jackass. I haven't yet, don't plan to, but the temptation is there. I can't guarantee I won't because if I do break NC, I will go all out to cut his freaking throat and destroy him! and I do know how to cut and make it count!
As I understand it: According to Sam V, as they grow older (mine is 66), they become more subject to derision and mockery (Yeah baby, I love that!), and if the NS is continously negative, the narc can become overwhelmed and totally withdraw as his mask of sanity shatters. Hence, his delusions of grandiosity are destroyed as well.
That false mask was created to protect the narc from narcissitic injury.
But when the false mask no longer fulfills that purpose ...when it no longer works to protect them, they drop it and itleaves them vulnerable to destruction.
Destruction of the Narc...mmm.. I like that! P.S. I know this to be true from my own experience.
When the narc (who is a covert, passive-aggressive) took of up, bragging about his new OW, I drove him off his website like a scared rabbit and forced him to go totally silent..but just before that, he had a very public meltdown screaming: "I was insane!, I was insane!" and he ran like a rabbit totally humiliated. Their throats are left exposed and they are weak.
I didn't fall for his crap, and he knew it! I was strong, I was invincib le. Still am if need be. ha! Yea!
I think mine Narc, false mask has shattered, which is why he will not allow us to meet one last time to give me closure, it really is not asking alot after a 15 year relationship with the man and ALL I did for him, but he is 68 years old, moved to a tiny town where he really knows no one well and visa versa and I think he is disintegrating mentally if that makes sense to you, other wise why not meet one last time, if he were not so scared of my exposing him and I think that is what he FEARS.....i betch iI would not even recognize him physically.
Are you talking about senile dementia or alzheimers? Of course, I can't speak from any real knowledge, but if his last website postings are indication, my narc definitely has some mental decline going on.
I think I have a pretty good idea why I was D&Ded, so I'm not looking for closure. I've already given that to myself.
I think you may have something there though. My narc, under my "care" definitely came up a lot stronger, more masculine looking fellow: http://soapergirl.blogspot.com/ (yeah, I know he's ugly! hahaha).
However, I regret I can't reproduce his more recent picture that came up at the end of April (about 2 months post breakup) on my Microsoft Live program, and I was shocked at how mcuh it looked like my narc declined. He looked like he'd lost a lot of weight, and was now a shadow of himself, like he'd lost of a lot of his former confidence and machoness.
I'd like to think he's spent the last few months living in Hell with his OW, but there's no way I can be sure. (I did do a lot praying on it however.)
I mean more of his false self is no longer in place and his monster, true inner self, is the norm of his personality. I remember vividly the time he let down the 'nice false front' and it was astonishing to look into the face of a monster,Mr. Hyde type personality, scarier than hell to me, I did not recognize him,like something overtook him, possessed, i cannot describe it, it was so eerie and i am not a supernatural believer.From the last letters he sent me last year and there hatefulness of calling me slut, whore, advertising for free sex on Craigslist, saying i was getting a computer to do cybersex in my desperate and depraved condition, all him of course, shows me he is getting psychotic or deranged in his mind, just my hunch and could not meet me one last time in a normal fashion like a decent human being..........
This is a FACT... those with personality disorders, especially the BPD/NPD kind, are MORE likely to come down with Alzheimer's/senile dementia. It ups the risk considerably. Some Ns/Ps have neurological issues... so they're well on their way.
My Narc grandmother has Alzheimer's. She D&D'd my parents in Oregon... she came back here to California, it was her vanishing act. It was such an impulsive move that neither my sister nor I have her new address or phone number. She had a great place in Oregon, close to shopping, public transportation... now she's in an isolated part of Paso Robles.
The ex-Psych prof would always mock me about my memory. He could be forgetful about basic things. He has declined... but not in wasting away. He's gotten fatter, he looks absolutely nuts. His good looks are very much a memory.
I'm not sure exactly how, but I think the Microsoft Live program/webcam took my narc's photo in late April (about 2 months post breakup). Geez, he looked like he'd slithered in...he had his glasses, on and had a Mona Lisa type smile on his face...
I'm thinking he was looking at the OW holding the camera or something...like he knew a secret and he wasn't gonna tell her. Reminded me of a snake sizing you up for a prey. I know he's just using the OW with $$$$ until and unless he finds a better deal (woman with more money/property).
Anyway, he looked like he'd aged 10 years since the last time I saw him (Sam V says narcs do not age well). His clothes looked they were hanging on him.
I would not doubt that narcs are prone to all kinds of mental/emotional disorders.
N C is forever!
No letters! your words fall on deaf ears
a person that cannot connect or love or care
will not appreciate your anger after 3 months of silence
if you must vent your anger, vent it here and leave it here
don't go back
it doesn't help and it doesn't work
it doesn't give you peace to write the letter it stirs it up all
Remember:
ANY type of attention is NS!
Be STrong right now! Get through this day without contacting him.
hope u feel better soon!
Boy do hear this one!
I've written many a letter and never sent it.
I have to be careful not to Let him have anything in writing from me because I am building a case against him and I have to remain squeaky clean in the eyes of the law.
This does deter me somewhat but it's still hard.
I realise now that there is simply no point in contacting him, it's not going to change who he is.
I also have come to realise that when I feel the urge to contact him it's because I need to find some answers. The only answers we will ever get with a pathological, is within ourselves.
I can't say don't do it...I understand the frustration...
Let me provide some insight...
Whether you do or you don't...the reaction will be the SAME.
It won't touch him, move him, or give him anything other than ATTENTION and a reward for bad behavior. He will get high off of it, he will get really smug, he might even chuckle, then he'll go call some chick and tell her what a psycho ex girlfriend he had.
They take your feelings and stomp on them...it's entertainment for them...it feeds them.
What to do with the feeling of frustration over writing a letter that goes nowhere...
Curse him out here...we'll join in your anger, we'll poke fun at him, you can go stark raving mad and feel no shame, in fact, we encourage madness here...we LOVE it! WE get it!...
That is the only suggestion I have.
I know I can't stop you or control your not doing it.
Just telling you what you're in for if you do.
Scout's honor...been there, done that and got the tee-shirt...
Hugs!
true. Michele knows what she's talking about and it's true.
Post here instead where your words will do some good for you.
Three months is a difficult, difficult time. But you are on the cusp of a breakthrough! Honestly! You will turn the corner soon, I know because I've been there!
You have done great with three months NC. You can continue to just take it one minute at a time. It will pay off in the great feeling of reclaiming your power and putting more distance between you and disordered, chaos and confusion which will open the doors to great things to come into your life. Really! It's true!
Good luck and good vibes for strength and peace of mind from
(totally NOT) spinning. NEVER, EVER AGAIN!
The problem is that Ns/Ps feed off of our pain&negative emotions... they want us to be fighting over them, they want us enraged, jealous, and feed off our our hurt. I once worked with an alcoholic female Narc, and whenever I'd have problems, she'd go "oh waaaah!" Another one would be gloating whenever she'd force me to work double shifts for her (yes, she used the word "force")
The problem is... Ns/Ps don't know who we really are, so they are so vulnerable to a Pearl Harbor-like strike on their egos, that when the bombs rain down, they don't know what hit them. Of course, they see themselves as victims... when their actions led to the consequences (duh) D-Day took the Germans by surprise... it came from knowing their vulnerabilities, and yes, tricking them. Sun Tzu in "The Art of War", said "Know your enemy." Ns/Ps don't really know us. We're like cardboard characters to them... and they brainwash us into being predictable. And that's when you go rogue.
The ex-Psych prof HATED seeing me happy... so when I broke NC, I talked about how HAPPY I was. Hopefully, I lectured him into boredom. He was paranoid about me going to Massachusetts, so I had to discuss my great adventures in Boston. He didn't like being mocked;it was attention he literally RAN AWAY FROM. So I mocked him. He didn't like being compared to little kids-I did exactly that.
Over 4 years, I came to know his weaknesses. So I attacked every single one... like Crazy Horse at Little Big Horn. He didn't come to know me. He didn't know the REAL me. He was scared of knowing the real me.
For awhile, you're going to have to "fake it till you make it." If you feel you must write him, tell him how *HAPPY* you are. Bring up how great your life is. Emphasize only the HAPPY parts... because he'll want to envision you pining&weeping without him.
Some people call it passive aggression... because writing about happiness isn't an OBVIOUS kind of Narc injury. But it's your Operation Overlord. I call it strategy.
Please, sleep on it before doing anything!
I know how it feels to want to "let him have it" and tell him you are "on to him".....
But....it won't accomplish what you think it will!
He'll insult you and label you as "crazy" or "delusional" and you ultimately won't feel better.
They don't get it....and no matter how well you articulate yourself and explain it...they still don't get it.
They have NO emapthy and CAN'T see your side or appreciate your feelings.
Write a letter and post it HERE. Please don't contact him!
Stay strong!
xoxo,
Steph
Get it out here...
I'm in the same place
Four months post breakup-Negative Narcissistic Supply
Soapergirl
I think he is disintegrating mentally
Soapergirl
Mental disintegration
My Narc's most recent picture creeped me out!
NC NC NC
What do you think will
Boy do hear this one! I've
Whoknew
Who knew, this is really
spinning
Strategize, strategize, strategize
IGNORE
Please, sleep on it before