Thank You, Psychopath

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#1 Nov 17 - 12PM
blueeyes
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Thank You, Psychopath

I want to thank my NPD, ASDP psychopath husband for enlightening me on the dark side of life. I thank him for teaching me healthy boundaries and how to spot red flags. I thank him for making me stronger. I thank him for giving me the wisdom I needed to live a free life. He served a purpose.

Nov 28 - 1PM
gettinbetter
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I have always

felt from the get go once you understood what you were dealing you took charge of your situation. I think its the emergency room nurse thing. I think you instictively due to your training are able to cope with trauma well. Not to say you dont have days where you are a mess but I would say you have taken control of your situation as oppposed to staying in the vortex
Nov 28 - 1PM (Reply to #26)
blueeyes
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instincts

The instincts come from the abuse I think, idk? SOI, the emergencies I see at work are hangnails. Lol. This is crazy pain. I feel like admitting myself today. I'm real beat up by others and knowing I played a role is triggering left and right. Hey, we all have down days. Btw, I will not take a shower. :) I like this hot ass mess today.
Nov 28 - 5PM (Reply to #27)
gettinbetter
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well all I can say is....

Hot Ass Mess is gonna be Stinky Ass Mess. So I guess you could say HAM will turn in to SAM LOL
Nov 28 - 12PM
chickon2
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AMEN

Thank you for this post...
Nov 28 - 12PM
blueeyes
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seriously, should we time frame recovery?

I do not see anyone being further in recovery. I think we all are working towards a common goal of recovery and we hit different emotions at different times. I think we all recovery at our own pace. When Jen and I are posting our anger with thoughts of "tying them to trees" others are feeling triggered by a song. Does that make sense? I'm being serious. I feel like comparing your recovery may hurt more? We all are trying to make sense of senselessness. For example I thought my CD was gone and I realized it's subsiding but it's still there. I never looked at time frames of abuse recovery, and maybe I should. Idk? What do you think? I'm sad today:( I may perk up, ya never know. Triggers are a new thing I'm dealing with so bear with me. :(
Nov 28 - 12PM (Reply to #19)
MsVulcan500
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Blueeyes,

Very true! Who can say where we are in our recovery relative to each other? We are all treading that same path toward the same goal. One day I could be ahead of you, then something happens to either one of us that puts you ahead of me. Almost like the game Chutes and Ladders. LOL We all keep trudging along, and if we get sent down one of the chutes, we just start again from that point and start moving forward again. Fortunately, our recovery isn't a race, but a group effort. There will always be someone who is ahead of you in recovery, and more than willing to help you along; just as there will always be someone behind you that you are more than willing to help along. That is the great thing about this group, it is one for all and all for one!
Nov 28 - 3PM (Reply to #23)
Briseis
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Me too

The only difference between us is TIME and even that is relative. Lots have to keep minimal contact with the Narc because of children or work situations. There's no doubt in my mind that this "slows" the process, calls for extra work I didn't have to do. I see it as we are spread out all over the place, doing recoinassance :D and we all have walkie talkies, and are communicating to each other about "where we are at". I hear something I like and I try and make my way toward the place another person is describing.
Nov 28 - 12PM (Reply to #20)
blueeyes
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True

So today, I'm bummin so someone can snap me out of it? I will getcha back when your down, I promise. Ms V, thanks! I feel nuts. ;) This group effort approach will snap me outta this funk. ((Love you all))
Nov 28 - 3PM (Reply to #22)
Briseis
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Spill the nuts, Blue

If you wanna . . . lets hear about those nutz :)
Nov 28 - 1PM (Reply to #21)
Leah
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Blueeyes, we can be in a funk together!

: ) Sorry you're in a sad place. I totally understand. Just know that from where I'm at, I really look up to you and your progress in your recovery. You're an amazing inspiration to all of us and we're here to support you, too. Anything you can do today to cheer yourself up? I'm trudging along on my grad school application, and while I get distracted by thoughts of ex-N, I keep working, thinking that finishing this application is a triumph over how he treated me. So what can you focus on that's for you, today? Even if it's only for 10 minutes. Sending lots of hugs, Leah
Nov 28 - 11AM
gettinbetter
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Now I know you are Ions ahead of me in recovery!

I cant bring myself to thank the MOFO for anything! LOL
Nov 28 - 12PM (Reply to #17)
blueeyes
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Jen, SOI,

This thanking was me realizing what my role was in the relationship. Also, I thank him for my future without him or anyone like him. I think this here is me looking for the good in a bad situation. The lesson? I need to build a safety wall to weed out psychopath's because that's who I used to attract. I do not want to do that ever again.
Nov 28 - 11AM (Reply to #16)
jen79
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lool

have a hard time to see any good in this at the moment too. At least I dont struggle with cognitive dissonance anymore, not good and bad memories struggling here with each other. Just all bad, cant think of him but thinking disgusting bastard.
Nov 28 - 10AM
Leah
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Blueeyes

Thank you for that post. And Briseis's reply is on the money too. I'm not ready to thank my ex-N, but when I am, I'll think of your grace. Sad to see how much challenge your dealing with these days. 'Hope things will get easier for me. Much gratitude, Leah
Nov 28 - 10AM (Reply to #14)
blueeyes
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Leah

Things one day will get easier for you. Keep going in the direction your headed in. Keep reading honey and stay close to us for support. Briseis's reply is IMO always on the money. I always tell her to enlighten me with her "infinate wisdom." (((Hugs))) to you B!
Nov 28 - 8AM
neverlookback
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thank you psychopath

If there is any counseling program for someone who let men abuse them and never had healthy limits I would say, go get involved with a psycho, that will cure you and that will force you to face the unhealthy choices you have made in your life, even prior to the narc/soc. It forces you to take a strong look at yourself and ask yourself what attracts you to these type of individuals,men who want to control, degrade and destroy women. How could I have let another person literally brainwash me and control me like this? Of course in the beginning he looked like a healthy choice but even then I still had too many blinders on, there were red flags I ignored, he came on too fast and too strong. The reason we all were soo taken is because NORMAL individuals dont use that lethal charm to control you, charm is meant to put you at ease, not paralyze you as they do, his charm gripped me, in his presence it felt like I was almost under a hypnotic spell and I attribute that to his pathology, look what we were up against. Its difficult for me to thank HIM for anything but I can say that being victimized by a psychopath did force me to change myself and FOREVER put an end to abuse in my life from anyone. I dont look at him as an individual, I dont refer to him by his name that would be too personal, I just call him a psychopath, maybe by doing that it helps me to stay focused that I was indeed a victim of these very disordered individuals and it was my responsibility to recover from it.
Nov 18 - 5PM
ClusterF
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I love this

I have thanked god for a lot of things this year. My whole life was changed and now I have a new one. The grace you have to find in yourself to post this is really wonderful. I have it some days but others it goes like this (original text slightly edited): I want to thank my psychopath (freakazoid crackhead sneaky thieving sonofabitch) for enlightening me on the dark side of life (for completely fucking up my life that I worked so hard to create for myself). I thank him for teaching me healthy boundaries (how I wish I had a NARCDAR before you called me after 25 years after breaking my heart when I was 20) and how to spot red flags (yeah, like yours were HUGE and BRIGHT SCARLET). I thank him for making me stronger (Boy am I strong. I had no idea). I thank him for giving me the wisdom I needed to live a free life. (I thank him for making me change everything about me so I wouldnt be recognized by him or his murdering crackhead friends. Turns out I like being a hot blond) He served a purpose. Not to be cynical, because most days these days I feel damn good about getting out and still being alive. So thank you and maybe one day I will find your grace every day. I'm working on it :-). Many hugs and cheers to you!
Nov 18 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
blueeyes
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ClusterF

I loved the Translation. Too funny.
Nov 18 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
ClusterF
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Blue Eyes

Thanks for the outlet!!
Nov 17 - 6PM
onwithmylife
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thank you NARC

for showing me how horrible it is to be controlling, how I can only control MYSELF and no on else, how to cherish who I am , recognize my boundaries ,respect myself, love the people who truly love me, by both words and deeds, introduced me to your family members, some of them I am still good friends with, and they like me,taught me about new interests and hobbies I was not aware I liked so much and took my naivity away from me which in and of itself, is a good thing.And to always put people above POSSESSIONS and that it is ALWAYS better to be HAPPY than Right.
Nov 17 - 1PM
Briseis
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Yes they do

serve a purpose, that is. It's along the lines of making lemonade out of lemons for sure. If I had a time machine, I would love to go back and ignore him and never meet him. Except that I like who I am now SO much better. I feel so much more safe with myself, so much more capable of taking care of myself, meeting my own needs. Through him, I learned that I can do these things for myself so that when and if a new prospect comes along, I will be a whole person. I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gone through HIM, you know? I wouldn't have signed up for this class, either. The Dark Side 101. I was one of those who didn't believe in it :( Which is why it plagued me through many miserable relationships, a couple of marriages and a few platonic. Sandra Brown says that women need to get REAL about the reality of pathological men (and women, for Rose and Bloke). They are out there. Thankfully, in the minority but still. All it takes is one to fuck your life up big time :( . We need this as basic self preservation tools. Accepting that was hard for me. I want to believe all people are essentially good, but that's just not true. I think I didn't want to believe it because that made me feel so unsafe in the world. And I already felt unsafe, being too empathic and willing to please. I got walked all over. What the Narc taught me was that I was the ONLY one who could make myself safe. And I did that by understanding HIM, and thus the previous miserable relationships. Now I can see a Narc a mile away. I am commmitted to not going through that again. And there are plenty of good, honest people out there, more than I'll ever be able to meet or know. So life is better, now. I always wanted life to be better. Now it is. And I can't help but attribute it to what I learned from him. So I thank my Narc, too. The bastard :P He was good for something after all. Too bad he'll never benefit from it.
Nov 17 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
blueeyes
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B! LOL...

"I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gone through HIM, you know?" YES EXACTLY! I was going to end this post with "Thanks f@ckface, too bad you can't understand this." After cursing last night in a post and offending someone I left it out.. Bastard or f@ckface, what the hell. That is the truth but I apologize for my language. This has really changed my outlook, thought process, friendships and even the way I speak to others. I have ADD pretty bad and I amthe impulsive type of ADD, not in a bad way but a "speak your mind" type of impulsive. Now, ironically, I stop and think about if what I want to say will matter in the end. There are several changes happening within myself to the point where I feel like a child or a butterfly. I am so weird..lol..
Nov 17 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Briseis
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Aww Blue

Sorry, but I thought I could detect a fellow ADD person :D Actually, it makes you sparkle and seem honest and real. Thanks to the Narc, I sure do speak to people differently too. My once high tolerance for various kinds of BS is gone. It seems like a waste of my time and the listener's time to beat around the bush. It feels disrespectful to the other person, too. We can always clarify later, right? The written word is easily projected upon. I have yet to see a person say YES, I definitely meant you are a horrible evil worthless and stupid person by what I wrote! :D We just have to have enough trust to believe the clarification.
Nov 17 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
blueeyes
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Briseis

"Sorry, but I thought I could detect a fellow ADD person :D" Making me laugh again. It's the best medicine. Wel,, after adderall. lol.
Nov 17 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
NancyM
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ADD

Have any of you noticed how common it is for us victims to suffer from ADD? I didn't even know I was a sufferer until this little episode where I basically have done a phd in disorders. My theory is that we vibrate at a higher frequency, and the Narc vibrates at too low a frequency that they spot us a mile off. That is why they come after us, to suck off all that energy. Just my thoughts.

Nevergoback

Nov 18 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
blueeyes
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NancyM ...

No, I never thought about that issue. Is this something you read somewhere? I'd like to see that. When I get some time I will look into it. Food for thought, my ADD attracting me to scum? HMM?
Nov 17 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Briseis
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Better living through

Better living through chemistry is what I always say :)