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Things that really bother me #2 ... your thoughts?

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#1 Sep 10 - 6PM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

Things that really bother me #2 ... your thoughts?

Fact - the first 6 months of being together were the best I've ever experienced in any relationship. So, we all know now that phase is a complete and utter fantasy, but it totally bothers me that he gets to have that fantasy over and over and over.

That sucks. We get to try to pick up the pieces and scratch and claw our way back to reality, i.e. the normal world. And, frankly, normal men can seem somewhat boring to me after these assholes. Sorry, but I'm just being honest here. The excitement, the challenge, the drama is gone. I know, I know - but just hear me out..

They get to remain in their fantasy world, being the dashing leading man in a script of their own writing. I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I just miss being the leading lady. Oops - my mistake - I dared to stray off his script because I didn't like the way the story was developing. What could I possibly have been thinking? Now it's all my fault, and *poof* the leading lady has easily been replaced.

Makes me want to star in my own reality show, involving a tragic crime of passion. I'm afraid that would just end up with me being locked up for the rest of my life.

Sep 11 - 5AM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

I'm not sure I understand

I'm not sure I understand that at all. How is it that HE gets to have the fantasy over and over? What he's really doing is playing a part in YOUR fantasy. It must be exhausting for him, trying to be the perfect person in every new relationship, and then having each partner eventually figure out he's a fraud. That's an appallingly needy and dependent way to live a life, having to mould yourself around someone else's expectations because you have to be perfect in their eyes. I think it's sick and something to be pitied.
Sep 12 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
spinning
spinning's picture

Peeved, you ROCK

with this one. Right on. P&S, it's the mindset. Peeved is pointing that out. Regardless of what you're feeling right now. What you're feeling right now is going on in your head. Only in your head. The reality is that their lives are not a fantasy. They are empty and non-existent. They have no personna, no history, no ideals, no passions, nothing. They do not know who they are! They are stuck on a loop that repeats and repeats until they're dead. They are destroyers who will ultimaely destroy everything they touch. He has no special powers; he has in fact no powers at all. He is empty. Void. A shell. That's the truth. And it is pitiful. You caught yourself from writing the script..Great job! The drama does become addicting, for a time I even thought I wanted it. But now I'm averted by drama. It's selfish and boring and, well, confusing and not fun. In my script now I'm the leading lady who interacts with a few interesting, fun, intelligent and thoughtful men at my pace, on my terms, when and if I so desire. I have found that to be so very much better (and way more exciting and unpredictable) than even one moment of the illusion that created chaos, confusion, destruction and self-loathing. He didn't gain anything. He lost. He lost you and you gain a future free of chaos and self-doubt and filled with possibilities. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I'M IN IT FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.

spinning

Sep 12 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

He ENJOYS it -

I admit it's a little convoluted. I wouldn't want it and neither would you. But, he thrives on it - the chase, the lovebombing, playing a role, new bodies to explore, not knowing how it will play out. He's not exhausted at all. It is a game, his game, and he is highly skilled at this point. He LOVES it. He knows it will come to an end, but every time is different - what a rush until it does! It bothers me that I was exploited for his purposes, unknowingly. He gleefully skips away and starts anew and I am in the recovery ward. I don't envy him. I don't want revenge. I don't want anything to do with him or that false relationship again. But, being personality damaged means that he doesn't know how fucked up he is; his ignorance is his bliss. I just don't think they are as miserable in their pathetic little lives like we hope they are.
Sep 13 - 3AM (Reply to #4)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

If my exwn wasnt the mother

If my exwn wasnt the mother of my kid I wouldnt really care if she was happy or not, but since my kid spends half of her time with the exwn, I would prefer she be happy so that my kid wouldnt have to experience the sad sad mom. But what I want or desire has no effect on the exwn. She is free to do, say, think or act any way she sees fit. Not my job, my responsibility, or my problem anymore. I say the last 437 bad things someone said about me were said by the exwn. I dont play with the exwn anymore, its a waste of my valuable time. As the amount of time we think about them decreases, our healing increases. Be patient with yourself, and keep posting and reading here. ds
Sep 11 - 4AM
KeshaN
KeshaN's picture

Yeah I know what you mean. To

Yeah I know what you mean. To me it isn't fair at all. They leave the relationship with no pain whatsoever about it. It used to make me feel better telling myself that one day he would regret it and he'll be sorry and hurt. Well now I know this will never happen. He doesn't give a damn! He will just find someone who will take my place and get all the supply he needs and when he's tired of her he will keep doing it and forever and always get supply at the expense of other peoples pain. I know what you mean about missing the excitement. You were brainwashed sweetie and i was too. I got used to all the b.s. he was doing and it became a game between us until I got tired of it and wanted something real. Of course this was bs to him.