Translate this narc speak

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#1 Jul 2 - 7AM

cstandsforcunt

Translate this narc speak

I haven't seen her since April 3, went nc mid April, heard she already got a new gf in mid April but still tried to email or call a few times- never answered, now yesterday I got she had a friend call me whose number I did not recognize and I was so thrown off I talked for like a minute then hung up when someone at work walked in my office....I got a text at 1240am last night that read:

One more thing j have been meaning to tell u-you treated me sooo well and I know now how much u did for me, thought of me, and loved me unconditionally....I wish I was better for u and treated u like u did me...I am so sorry and wish I realized it a lot sooner rather than later...u were awesome and I wish I could have been great for u too

My gut is telling me this means her current gf is either no more or not enough and it's all bull anyway but I can't help but want to contact back just to say stuff back and tell her "oh was this after or before the gf you got right away. Your words are lies and mean nothing to me." but alas, I know this is still supply for them.

#2 Jul 5 - 5PM

fooled no longer

This is so true

Sorry repost This is so true. I went from being called the wisest person he had ever met and as smart as a new pin - to being called stupid dumb and crazy. The inconsistencies of his words ere lost on him, when i tried to get him to see what he was saying. they just put the knife in. for hurt they like the power hurting someone gives them. I started out beeautiful and ended up being called a bitch. the other thing that struck me recently was he would always wait until I had finished putting my make up on and then say "Let me see... ooooh beautiful." as I would turn my face to him. I was never told i was pretty when i woke up or any other time, (although many tell me im naturally beautiful). The act of putting makeup on was seen by him as done solely for him. To make myself look better for him, he got supply from that, and thats why he used that to tell me then. They are so thick. they need clues as to what they should say. normal people know what to say in any given situation. So fake.

#3 Jul 2 - 7PM

Giggles

I didn't know these monsters existed

After the final break up (3 years too late) he continues to play mind games. I am so sorry for what I have done to you. You never deserved ANY of it. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve so much more. I took advantage of you. I used you and ignored your love. I will never again know the kind of love that you had for me. I realize what you actually went through for me and I will always feel blessed for having known what kind of love I could have had and cursed for having thrown it away! You are the closest I have ever been to someone and I will never feel that with anyone ever again. I have maintained NC for going on three weeks. Two days ago he sent me an email wishing me happy birthday and he hopes I have a great weekend. He included a picture of flowers and butterflies. He totally D&D'd me. Told people I was fat, old and temporary. I'm not "The One". Why can't they leave us alone? I know he has new supply and I also found out he was flirting and possibly slept with other women that we both work with. It is so humiliating and disgusting. I've had to go into therapy to deal with everything he put me through and none of it makes sense to me. Thanks for all your stories, remarks and advice.

#4 Jul 2 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

Deidre40

omg...who the eff says

omg...who the eff says that??? you're fat, old and temporary??? omg!!!! these people are a trip. a bad trip. I'm sorry you and everyone here has gone through such trauma. I think it's particurly traumatic, because often times the abuse that the narc inflicts triggers old abuse from say childhood or another earlier time in our life. That's what it was for me. I stuck with the narc longer than I should have, despite the relationship only lasting three months...because it all felt familiar in an eery way. But, no more. I'm done with all that. I won't and don't seek validation outside of God, anymore. I know what abuse is. I will not longer ever accept it. Not from a family member. Not from a 'friend.' Not from a bf. Not from anyone. Along the way, after the fog settles...and the NC is in fully force...we find that life is what we make of it. And not what someone else makes of it. Far too long, I've let others control me. Which is why I was such a low hanging fruit for the narcs that have come my way. Hang in there ladies!!! we can do this! stay strong!

#5 Jul 4 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

badjer

Love this post, thank you xxx

#6 Jul 2 - 11PM (Reply to #15)

Giggles

Deidre

This is the same man that told me I was beautiful amazing and sexy. I'm six years older than him. Strangers said we make a cute couple. If you saw a picture of us you would never know I was a day older than he is. More likely you would think he was older than me. I loved him. I didn't care that he has a receding hairline, a huge mole on the side of his head and love handles. He was projecting his own fears onto me. Growing old and being out of shape. Even so, he picked on a lot of women's top insecurities. I thought he loved me as I am and it made me feel that much more loved and accepted. I felt sexier than I ever have in my life and he took it away in one fell swoop. I can't change when I was born and I am not the heaviest woman on the planet. But it still hurts. Makes me wonder what he was really thinking when he watched me undress. It certainly never affected his penis. But then I was only temporay anyway... :(

#7 Jul 4 - 3PM (Reply to #16)

Deidre40

Giggles

Something that might be helpful to you...and others. It definitely helped me IMMENSELY when trying to disengage the CD after the breakup. Like you, my ex thought I was beautiful, 'hot bod,' etc...honestly, that's still the one thing he comments on to others. Hey, I got something going for me, yippee! lol But, something that helped me...is that psychopaths and narcs USE words differently than we do. They use them to either lure people to do what they wish (beginning stages of the romantic period to get us to fall in love) OR to hurt. They often use words as weapons. They think of our weaknesses, and then bam. Shoot a dart at us, of pain, through words. They don't really use words for communication as we do. They use them to wound, or to get what they want. Period. It's hard to relate to that, because we use the language to communicate. Granted, there are times we are angry, and have uttered bad words at another. That's not the same thing. For most of us, we probably say we are sorry afterwards, if we know we've hurt someone. See, narcs don't apologize. They don't feel remorse, really. So calling you old and temporary was designed to injure you. That's all. He probably doesn't think those terrible things of you whatsoever. But, he uttered them to hurt. My ex has told everyone I'm stupid, and just a pretty face with a nice body. I find that funny, actually. Because he always told me how smart and accomplished I was. So, see? They have to find something to make themselves look like losing you (whether they dumped us or we did the dumping) was the RIGHT thing for them to do. Us being out of their lives is a good thing...because we're 'old,' 'temporary,' 'stupid,' 'just a pretty face,' 'crazy,' 'jealous,' etc etc etc. Normal people after they break up tell others...''you know, so and so is a great person, we just weren't right for each other.''

#8 Jul 5 - 5PM (Reply to #21)

fooled no longer

This is so true. I went from

This is so true. I went from being called the wisest person he had ever met and as smart as a new pin - to being called stupid dumb and crazy. The inconsistencies of his words ere lost on him, when i tried to get him to see what he was saying. they just put the knife in. for hurt they like the power hurting someone gives them. I started out beeautiful and ended up being called a bitch. the other thing that struck me recently was he would always wait until I had finished putting my make up on and then say "Let me see... ooooh beautiful." as I would turn my face to him. I was never told i was pretty when i woke up or any other time, (although many tell me im naturally beautiful). The act of putting makeup on was seen by him as done solely for him. To make myself look better for him, he got supply from that, and thats why he used that to tell me then. They are so thick. they need clues as to what they should say. normal people know what to say in any given situation. So fake.

#9 Jul 4 - 7PM (Reply to #20)

Erali

This makes so much sense.

This makes so much sense. They do use words as tools only. Well said!

#10 Jul 4 - 6PM (Reply to #17)

Giggles

Thanks Deidre

I appreciate your advice. The Narc and I work together but he works out of the office a lot. Before he left for his current job assignment he said he went out drinking with some male coworkers. One asked if he was still "banging" me. He said he told them we are not together and I was upset with him. He also said he told them were seeing each other longer than most people realized, but I was a great girl. I was annoyed. I started thinking about how much he is always lying about everything, so I confronted the coworker who asked about us, then I "filled" him in on some of the details that the Narc so conveniently leaves out. I don't care about taking the higher moral road when it comes to him. It isn't fair that he gets to waltz away without a backward glance and noone has any idea what the hell he did to me and his family. I felt like I had to defend my own honor and not just be someone he was "banging". Unfortunately the coworker is a womanizer/player (maybe even another narc). For all I know he's going to give the Narc a pat on the back. Regarding my looks. I told him most people have no idea how old I am and guess me ten years younger. He told me guys only say that to get in my pants. I was a little stunned by the comment. So every WOMAN that says that wants to get in my pants too? He is such an asshole!

#11 Jul 4 - 6PM (Reply to #18)

Deidre40

Giggles

Let me make a suggestion...and I was very much like you--wanting to set the record straight to people. Now? I don't give a shit! Let them all think he was 'banging' you...who really cares. And at the end of the day, no one will remember this crap a year from now. BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW THE TRUTH...AND SO WILL HE. They can twist the truth to others, but you both know what happened. My ex was talking about me again last week on FB I was told. lol My old response would be to text him, and ask him why is he doing this, bla bla. No more. If he feels the need to throw me under the bus and make up stories about me, so be it. I don't care anymore. I have a good life, and don't need him to validate it, anymore. So...end the defense over him. For your own sake and sanity, you will thank me. lol ;) When he goes off about you, and you hear about it...just laugh it off. And say to the person...''ok.'' < and then change the subject. lol It will get back to him that you could care less. I can't believe how these assholes call us old. I am 40. I look 30 to 32. He is now 39. He would tease me about being old. It's UNCANNY how they all use the same subtle abusive tactics. He even went so far as to say online...''I'm going after young young chicks now...don't with old ones.'' I said absolutely nothing. People thought I was so classy to not say a word. In the end, people know the truth. If they're good people, they know the truth. {{hugs}} YOU ARE NOT OLD! YOU ARE NOT TEMPORARY! YOU'RE AWESOME!

#12 Jul 4 - 7PM (Reply to #19)

Giggles

Working on the Permanently Happy part!

Hey Diedre, I know you are a 100% right. I could never and will never be able to "set the record straight" with everyone he says negative things or lies about me to. I'm not going to try. It was mainly because these are people I work with everyday and a year from now, although it may be forgotten office gossip, there are a few that will know the truth (well at least my truth). Lol! You sound like a pretty awesome young lady yourself. Big hugs! :) p.s. I just turned 44. He will turn 38 next week. I wasn't exactly cradle robbing. Although, since they have the maturity level of a five year old, maybe I was... haha

#13 Jul 2 - 3PM

Hunter

CC

This is a perfect example of a narc operation! Delete,Delete,Delete Hunter

#14 Jul 2 - 3PM

girlsinger

C FOR C

Hi notice the opening sentance "One more thing... like you were just speaking 5 minutes ago! this is the Narc at thier best messing with time and space (because they are thier own lords and masters) "Ive been meaning to tell you" (so now she is goung to TELL you)geeze its good that you wrote here, first..good for you and didnt fall for it because this is primetime Narc manipulation she is out of supply her new source is boring her and she remembers how wonderful you are, and is not in the mood for a "new hunt" so there is YOU! please remember that even a breath a nod ANY recognition of her in any way is a WIN is SUPPLY big time starve the Narc Feed your healing be blessed K

#15 Jul 2 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

agnesmurphy17

YUP!

New Supply ain't as good as you. NW may be leaving. My N hoovered me when he learned that his NW was not as good a cash cow as me. When NW left him she contacted me. I showed her his hoover e-mails. Everyone co-incided with her refusal to fund his standard of living. He remained with her because she poneyed up money, but not as much as I. Hopefully you will never know. But this is a hoover attempt. Do not fall for it. Move on. Keep up the NC & the good work. You have handled it well. Not engaged. Came here with your questions.

#16 Jul 2 - 12PM

Deidre40

oh and ur username rocks. :=P

oh and ur username rocks. :=P So fitting...lol I hope you have a good day. {{hugs}}

#17 Jul 2 - 12PM

Deidre40

This is my take. I believe

This is my take. I believe that on some level, she might realize that you were the real deal, and the best thing that happened to her. They are human. (I think?) BUT. She has an agenda. Supply. Your attention. Once she gets it...she'll digress back to her usual self. Don't reply. It's the very best medicine for this type of cancer.

#18 Jul 2 - 11AM

michele115 (not verified)

You treated me well....

I got something like that too...like a nice little pat on puppy's head. NC... It's a half hearted yet condescending attempt at keeping leftover supply in the pantry...just in case. Hugs!

#19 Jul 2 - 9AM

twisted

Hearing words like this from

Hearing words like this from a narc makes me angry. So angry. Angry for you, for me, for anyone who gets these syrupy words when their chance to be taken seriously is long gone. This is exactly why they keep us hanging on. 1 - because they have said things like this over and over and never follow through when it matters. and 2 - because this is what makes us falsely believe that they can still be the person we fell in love with and then we keep giving them the benefit of the doubt. I got words like this too. During and after. It made me hold on way longer than I should have. It made me believe that there was hope. It's FALSE HOPE. Mine told me to "Never date another guy like him. A brick wall. That I deserved to be happy. That I deserved so much more than him." It's Bullshit! You HAD me! YOU fkd it up! You had all the time and room in the world to make statements like that true! In the wise words of Judge Judy" "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!"

#20 Jul 4 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

badjer

Yep, when my ex started

Yep, when my ex started screwing things up he used to say "you deserve to be happy, you deserve better than me, I'm not good enough etc etc" and of course the duality of purpose is that you believe all this shit and start defending them, saying how they're not that bad and you want to bail them out. Classic reverse psychology. They then see a great big neon sign that reads 'DOORMAT - WIPE FEET HERE' and boom - you're in hook line and sinker and fucked every which way. I am starting to feel the rage and it feels GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! XXXX

#21 Jul 2 - 8AM

kgirl

Translation.....I didn't get

Translation.....I didn't get worshipped enough on my birthday, my new gf isn't as good of supply as you were, and now I'm trying to see if I can get more out of you. I'm not really sorry and I never appreciated you, but this is the shit you want to hear and I know I can get back in your head if I say all this...... Stay strong....you deserve so much better! NC NC NC!!! XoXo ~KG

#22 Jul 2 - 8AM

FreedomJane

NEEDS MORE SUPPLY!

Translation: NEEDS MORE SUPPLY! And possibly lubricated with liquor. Keep up that NC! You know what's funny though? From coming out of my abusive situation, I have fantasies of him begging for me back and me continuing NC - - it would be the ultimate for me (in these intital stages that I'm in!) Again, I'm new. But I thought I'd share that illusion of supreme revenge!

#23 Jul 2 - 10AM (Reply to #3)

Erali

That is so true! The fact

That is so true! The fact that she actually said "sorry" is mindblowing, even if it is fake. I think NC is a great way to handle it, and Freedom Jane is right.

#24 Jul 2 - 7AM

Used

my narc said this to me....i

my narc said this to me....i was thebest friend he had ever had..and how i stood for more crap from him than i would have anyone else...and how he knew how much i thought of him...and he was sorry he had hurt me...I SAID DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF LUV...IT WAS B/C YOU WERE THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN...I THEN DROPPED HIM[I WENT BACK OF COURSE...LOL] BUT THEY SAY THESE THINGS SO YOU WILL AGREE AND THEY WILL FEEL SO VALIDATED....DON'T FALL FOR IT...ITS A LOAD OF OLD BOLLOCKSXX

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