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Triggered and Sad

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#1 Jan 14 - 8AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Triggered and Sad

Had an on-off "relationship" with a narc I call CharlieSheenWinning for years. Last spring I ended things with him because he told me he didn't want a real relationship, just sex. He said he still loved an old girlfriend -- I never meant to him what she did. Three weeks later he married someone he'd only known for those three weeks. He wanted to be with his old girlfriend and then he wanted to be with a stranger more than he wanted to be with me.
I totally broke down over it and came on here, which really helped.
Then in the fall I started dating a great person. Well, now he's disappeared. Says his kids and his work take up all of his time, so we haven't seen each other since New Year's Day. But he still texts a couple of times a week. I haven't seen him and he hasn't called nor will he answer my calls. But he text to keep me on the hook.
Last night I went downtown to not be alone in my apt. and someone said he's going to visit CharlieSheenWinning and his "bride."
Between being triggered by thoughts of CSW, the woman he loves over me, and this new guy who's more like a ghost than anything, I feel horrid.
And when I feel horrid I come here because you all are so great and helpful.

Jan 23 - 11AM
Lookonthesunnyside
Lookonthesunnyside's picture

Hey Lobo, Im so sorry to hear

Hey Lobo, Im so sorry to hear what you've went through. Your nickname for your ex made me laugh. He sounds totally unbalanced. I know its hard but try to be thankful you're not the one with him right now. He will SURELY pull some asshole move on her aswell. Without a doubt. As for the current guy, do you think you can cut contact with him altogether? If he's not ready to be committed now he may never be, and the sooner you can be rid of him the better, right? I dont mean for that to come off harshly at all. Just thinking that you've been through enough with your ex and you surely dont deserve to be strung along with this new guy. It may seem right now like you're never going to catch a break, but you will. Its better to be mourning over your ex than putting up with his bs for the rest of your life. And if this current guy was so great he would be behaving maturely and decently. It sounds like you deserve much better. I really hope you're feeling better soon!! xo
Jan 24 - 7AM (Reply to #20)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I do deserve better. I had

I do deserve better. I had high hopes for Nebraska but am really starting to feel differently about him. Like the guy I dated all through the fall no longer exists. Thanks for the encouragement. {{hugs}}
Jan 23 - 9AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Text

Just got a text from Nebraska after 6 days of no communication whatsoever: "I know u r at work so I can't call. Let's talk tonight. Hope u r doing great." Am I wrong or is this something you send to a buddy, not the girlfriend you just blew off for 6 days? Nebraska Diner Special of the Day: Scrambled eggs.
Jan 23 - 10AM (Reply to #15)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Lobo555

Just yuk yuk yuk what a head fuck..what are you going to do x
Jan 24 - 7AM (Reply to #16)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Yep -- just enough to placate

Yep -- just enough to placate and keep me on the hook. NOT. I will not answer the text. If he wants to talk he can call. And then I can say that this so-called relationship is not enough the way it's going and that I feel emotionally closer to my dentist than I do to him.
Jan 24 - 8AM (Reply to #17)
spinning
spinning's picture

Lobo, it's good to see you

have your outstanding sense of humor intact. I am proud of you for realizing that you don't like crumbs any more. I don't either. I had high hopes for Nebraska, too. But his problems are his, not yours, and it is unfortunate he's choosing to focus on himself and those problems rather than something that is good and loving and could bring him great joy. I think he's making a poor choice, but what can I say...that's what some people do. Lobo, I hope you are doing well despite this. YOu sound strong and resilient. That is excellent. Keep that high vibration going (and the sense of humor) and you will attract the kind of light and love you desire and deserve. Hugs to you my sister in recovery! Love, (not) spinning. AND FIGHTING TO STAY STOPPED.

spinning

Jan 25 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Yes, sense of humor is

Yes, sense of humor is intact. It's the one thing bad relationships can't seem to squelch. I think I'm a magnet for lost souls. They come around, they stay for a while, they leave. I don't want any more lost souls. {{Hugs back to you}}
Jan 17 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Lobo

I've missed you.. Bunch of losers.. Maybe the Dog Whisperer is in on this mix.. It's gets to a whatever point ?. Sorry love.. Hunter
Jan 18 - 5AM (Reply to #13)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I've missed you, too!

I've lurked to check in on people once in a while but stopped posting. I was trying to move past all things CharlieSheenWinning. But once in a while (like in a case like this) the whole wretched thing rears its ugly head. From what I've read here, it's the nature of the beast. I don't think this latest is a loser so much as overwhelmed by life. Unfortunately, if he has to let something go, it's got to be me. What that does is resurrect all of the insecurities inflicted by CSW like digging up old, rotted bones. Feeling better today, though. I think what's really sinking in is that CSW, this guy, the other guys, and everything they do is not my fault. It's all on them.
Jan 14 - 9AM
Used
Used's picture

lobo555

I am so sorry for how you are feeling, I often wondered how you were.... you have to get rid of this man...He is doing nothing for you, but hurting you and your self esteem... The triggers so come, when we least expect them, and I know are hard to cope with... I can only commiserate with you, but hope you GO NC with this one.... We are not SOMEONES BACKUP AND SUPPLY , WE ARE HUMAN BEIGNS, AND SHOULD BE TREATED WITH RESPECT, IF NOT THROW AWAY THE TRASH THAT IS DOING IT TO YOU.... THESE ARSEHOLE ARE NOT GOING TO DO IT FOR US...
Jan 17 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Talked to Him

He says he sent texts and didn't call for 2 weeks because he was "running away." He said that he and I "got too close" and that "scared" him. "Running away is what I do," he said. I told him I won't settle for someone who does that. He said it was a mistake and that he really is still interested in me. He promised he'd call yesterday. . . and didn't. Dag. I think this one will be like CharlieSheenWinning -- I won't have to do NC because he won't contact me in the first place. Makes my job easier, I guess.
Jan 17 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
ally2375
ally2375's picture

Lobo

Doesn't it suck when we get out of a dysfunctional relationship, do the work to recover from it, and then meet a guy who seems normal only to have him pull something like this? Seriously, universe?! :) Any guy over the age of 12 who "gets scared" when someone "gets too close" is either emotionally retarded or feeding you a line. Personally, I blame the RomComs for popularizing this kind of BS to the point where people actually buy it. He's still interested in you? Super! Hope you're not still interested in him. You can do MUCH better than either of these jerks. Sounds like the universe did you a favor ultimately (though it seems to have a pretty dark sense of humor). I'll happily join you and Spinning for a virtual beer. Sounds like you need it today.
Jan 25 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
HelpMeHeal
HelpMeHeal's picture

Ally

Your post just made me laugh out loud. This universe is tapped. I concur.
Jan 18 - 5AM (Reply to #10)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Bottoms Up!

Yes, please come to our beerfest! :) Well, at least he didn't say, "It's not you, it's me." I would have had to put down the phone, speed to his house, and throttle him. Every guy -- and I mean EVERY guy -- I've dated has said he's "scared" and run off. They're such wimps. Seriously. And if I think about what they're doing now, they aren't with anyone. I guess they're afraid of every woman like I'm afraid of spiders. Pathetic. This is the only disappointing thing he's done and it makes me very, very sad.
Jan 17 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
spinning
spinning's picture

Lobo, I wish we could get together

and tip a few after work today! I am sitting here so sad for you! I have been thinking of you lately and wondering if things were still going well...this twist bothers me. I remember the last twist, however, which now in hindsight could have been a bigger red flag than I gave credence to at the time. If I recall you stepped back a bit, regrouped, he reassured and all seemed well. His behavior right now tells me someone else is turning his head. I don't mean this to hurt you but this whole "I'm running away" crap is just that...crap. I don't know "Nebraska" but after this little move (and his saying he'd call and didn't) I'm going to encourage you to go NC. He will contact you...you know he will. It's not a CSW repeat...don't tell yourself that it is. Also, there are nice, attractive, fun and funny non-disordered men out there who would be thrilled to have someone so awesome as you! Don't forget that Lobo! Don't forget your sense of humor, your way with words, your hotness and what you bring to the table. You will be just fine! I promise. Oh dear Lobo, I so wish I could smack this guy in the head and send him "spinning" just a little! Don't fret too much about this. You are in control and you know you're not getting back on any roller coaster, even for "nebraska" any time soon. Love, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT, LOBO, I WAS SOMEWHAT SPINNING YESTERDAY BUT I'M BACK TO REFUSING TO EVER SPIN AGAIN!

spinning

Jan 18 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Spinning, I was hoping you'd

Spinning, I was hoping you'd come around. :) I'd gladly join you for a brew. . . or three. Found out something through a trusted friend about Nebraska that explains why he's freaking out. And it's not anything to do with me or another woman. Believe me, I was totally convinced he had someone else!!! He still may, but I doubt it. After what I heard yesterday, I think I truly have an explanation. So, I don't think he's a jerk, which is comforting. But, it's also not a good time to be involved with him. I won't get back on the coaster, but I'm sad I'm off the ride. He was really great. Oh. . . and he still hasn't called. I think it will be a long time before that happens. Thanks for your kind words -- they always make me feel better.
Jan 14 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Very True

Everything you say is true. It's amazing how hard it is to find someone who truly cares. It's like searching for the holy grail. . . or unicorns. . . or an honest politician. I never thought finding someone would be this hard. It's been 12 years of being post-divorce and I keep running into narcs, psychopaths, or good guys who simply don't want me. :/
Jan 14 - 8AM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lobo555

Damn it! That sucks to see this. I have thought about you and hoped things were going well for you. Welcome back. For some reason the time hasn't come for you yet to find what you desire in a relationship. Some piece of the puzzle is still missing. Keep searching. The answer lies within yourself. I am truly sad to hear you are in pain. xxx Ruby
Jan 14 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

You're so sweet

People here are so kind -- that's why I came back. Thank you for your encouragement.
Jan 17 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Lobo.. This sucks.. :( Hunter

Lobo.. This sucks.. :( Hunter