Trying to accept/get over

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#1 Mar 29 - 3PM
Petenicholas
Petenicholas's picture

Trying to accept/get over

After going through possiblly the most emotional roller coaster breakup I have been through, I found myself looking for answers. It led me to doing some research on what was happening and to look back at our relationship. Most of the information I have read confirms that I was indeed dealing with a narcissist woman. I'm having trouble accepting it and continue to not believe the person that I loved could be this person. I'll give some background and would appreciate any input. Our relationship started off very fast. The passion and excitement was instant between us. Within a month she had already told me she loved me and basically moved into my apartment. I thought she was amazing and for the first time I had actually fallen in love with someone right away. As the relationship went on I started noticing little things that didn't add up. Her career was acting/modeling so she was very active on social media. Posting selfies, flirting with admirers and acting single online to fill her need of admiration. When I tried to discuss this with her and that the acting single bothered me she wouldn't admit any wrongdoing and blamed me for not understanding. I found this to be a constant in the relationship, she would do something that hurt me, I would try to talk to her about it and she would turn it on me. At a certain point I was sacrificing so much for her but she would not make the slightest sacrifice for me. Whenever I wanted to do something she didn't want to do it was always a straight up no or she would be upset that I wanted to do that. I started to become unhappy in the relationship. I was feeling my needs were not being met. Even though I was unhappy, I still loved this person, thought it would get better and did not want to end it with someone I thought I had this intial connection with. It was natural that due to my unhappiness I started to become a little distant and gave up trying to make her understand that I had needs to. Eventually, we had an agruement where she was in the wrong and not seeing any remorse from her, I said I was unhappy and considering this might not be working. After the emotions died down and we made up. I thought maybe I had gotten through to her. A week later, the day before her birthday and Valentine's Day. She woke up, said she was done with me and left. I tried to talk to her, went over to her place and got the cold shoulder. She wouldn't even acknowledge me. I kept trying for a couple weeks. Still getting nothing, it was as if we never dated and she didn't even know who I was. Eventually, I got her to agree to meet with me. We met and I professed my love and desire to fix the problems we both had together. She would not even engage in the conversation. Then however, I mentioned I had gotten her Hamilton tickets for her bday and she changed. She started smiling with me, talking about stuff and was excited to go see it with me. I thought we were on the way to starting over. I was wrong, the week of the show I had tried again to engage her in a discussion about the relationship. She completely ignored it. When I said that I don't see why I'm wasting my time trying to repair this relationship if you don't care her response was "does this mean we are not seeing Hamilton on Friday, because I'll make other plans, if so". For some reason, I have continued to try with this woman for a month now. She acknowledges me just enough to keep me invested. When I ask for anything solid such as whether we are done or going to try to work on things she goes vague or silent on me. She will blame me for ruining or relationship and accept no responsibility on her part. When I offer her a solution she either reverts back to the problem or ignores me completely. I finally, realized I was possibly dealing with a narcissist and decided to cut it off. But this is after I have already given so much and tried so hard. I think my need to be acknowledged by a person I had loved kept me in this abusive cycle. I decided last night to stop trying and have ceased contact. I did however do it in an open way that if she wanted to try and fix it, I was there. I know this was a mistake. I couldn't help it, for some reason I still care about this person and want her back. Which is how I ended up her. I want to know if I was in fact dealing with a narcissist and there is nothing I can do or If I am over analyzing a typical breakup? I think this might help me finally let go and begin to move on with my life. Thank you-Pete