Violence/stalking etc

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#1 Mar 23 - 3PM
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Violence/stalking etc

Since I haven't come across anything like that on the forums yet (OK, have been here only for a week) I was wondering if any of your narcs have ever done anything really drastic or crazy like stalking, spreading false rumors etc or anything violence related (other than the obvious emotional abuse)

Also, if I go NC, will that be enough to keep a narc away? Or will he keep texting me, for example?
Do they give up eventually?

I just want to have an idea of what to expect.

I "only" had a short relationship with a narc and he came back once (and I fell for it but without getting too emotionally hurt the second time).
Staying out of his way shouldn't be too hard (as long as I stay strong!) as there aren't things involved left at the other person's house and our circle of friends are different (we know a lot of the same people though).
Yet, I am certain he will try to contact me again at some point.

Somehow I am afraid he might do something crazy... he's never been violent or anything but I am just creeped out after realizing that I am probably dealing with a real narc.

Mar 24 - 9AM
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

My exn does cyberstalk me,

My exn does cyberstalk me, but even more obvious with the stalking is the OW that came right after me. It's crazy. I have them both blocked everywhere, but that doesn't stop them. I have no idea if they are still having their affair (nor do i care), but this OW shows up on practically every website I join. In fact I recently received a notification on my Linkedin profile that she views my page. I messaged her to stop and move on. She has even impersonated me on 2 websites and I believe is behind some nasty postings about me. Evil.
Mar 24 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
Veronrose
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PB, it sounds like the OW

PB, it sounds like the OW wants to keep tabs on you because, the bottom line is, she doesn't trust HIM. Sad, sad, sad. Sounds like you're doing well though! Good for you!!
Mar 25 - 5AM (Reply to #14)
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

Yes, I am sure now that's

Yes, I am sure now that's what it is. my therapist believes this as well. If she felt secure with him, she wouldn't be checking up on his ex's. I thought she was trying to provoke me as she has done for the past 1 1/2 years. Well, I did react, but calmly and quite nice! In a weird way it gives me some satisfaction.......
Mar 24 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Depends on the Narcand his

Depends on the Narcand his need for supply! I get thie silent treatment, however inthe past I was stalked, and rumors spread! Be prepared for anything! They are masters and know exactly when to strike, or push buttons! Idealk
Mar 23 - 9PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Freaky stuff

My N e-mailed me at an address I hadn't given him! I don't know how he found it, or why he had it. It wasn't listed on any social networking sites. I had an alternate address for those, and was used to him writing to me there, but not this particular one! It shocked me, I still don't know how he came upon it. He also made reference to a really old LJ that I had. It wasn't one that I'd even written in, for years. Not to mention, we didn't know each other when I had that LJ account. Cyberstalking is creepy. I think he liked to shock me. To make me feel watched. Whatever, watch me now! Ha. Have at it, for all I care anymore.
Mar 23 - 4PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Alisa

There is no way to tell for certain if this will escalate into some of the scenarios you've read about. What does seem to be reported very often is this "hoovering" which you also acknowledge already having been a victim of. That bein said, you have the tactical advantage of putting a plan in place. The best defense is offense...so there are some things you can do to minimize the odds. They are: NC which includes all forms of communication. Letters via mail are returned: Return to Sender Emails blocked, facebook blocked, no contact in any way shape or form. Friends are put on notice in advance, you don't want to to hear about the narc and should he contact friends or family they are not to give out information. If he shows up in person you either pretend you're not home or yell through the door to go away. If he insists you call the police. You don't give in, you don't break down, you stand your ground and you demand that your boundaries are respected. They can be a little persistent, and also good at measuring timing...he might let this die down some and wait it out and catch you off guard once your emotions are not in high gear...they know this game well, they've done it thier whole lives...he might wait six months or six years...stories of them popping up 20 years have been reported. You make a decision today and you stick with it and you do not deviate from you plan once you commit to it. Good luck! Hugs
Mar 23 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

Is there any way of not

Is there any way of not getting involved with him without having to go NC all the way? (like, can I just ignore him without blocking him?) Or am I just being naive here? I have given up on the thought of staying "friends" for obvious reasons after reading the forums here. Plus he never was my friend anyway because he was never there for me when I needed him. Isn't he going to give up if he doesn't get supply from me? I've made some pretty sarcastic/nasty comments to him already. If he's not dumb he should have figured out that I am not falling for some of his tricks anymore
Mar 23 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Alisa

I am going to ask a straightforward question...why would you want to have anything even remotely connected to him? Half stepping on this is like trying to say: "I'm half pregnant" It is an impossibility. You are either NC or you're not. Anything outside of that is mental torture and now that you are alledgedly no longer an item or "potential" item any hurt that you experience from this point forward being fully aware of all the potential harm and the danger he poses is on you now. Prior to detaching, one can claim lack of awareness and that was a problem for all of us...but once we know, once we understand, once it is clear, once we have the evidence. If we choose to half step and get burned - that is on us. I can't tell you what to do...only you know - but I do question your motivation on wanting to half step on this.
Mar 23 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

I am not sure about my

I am not sure about my motivation to be perfectly honest. I think it's a mix of things 1) I have known this guy all my life and me and my friends were friends with him (he used to have great parties). Most of our common friends still see him that way. I still don't know why he started messing with me a year ago (I wasn't even interested in him). I wonder if any of our common friends (the ones who know him superficially like I used to) would believe if I told them what was going on. I am almost afraid they'd think I was the crazy one. 2) Part of me is still hoping he's not a narc (Yes, I am aware how crazy this sounds) and I want to observe his behavior some more 3) I am NOT looking for confrontation or a fight. I don't want to tell him he's been an ass to me because I don't want to hear him say anything that I know is not true. I just want to go on with my life. I should add that I generally have a hard time of cutting all ties with people. I have withdrawn gradually from other friendships successfully. Only difference: they weren't narcs. Maybe I am not fully ready... I've read about narcissists for the first time less than a week ago. I hope I don't need to get burned more.... :S
Mar 23 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Precious
Precious's picture

make a decision

Please make the decision NOT to get burned again. The fact that you have only learned about narcs. a week ago, and you are on this site sharing, says volumes about your intelligence. You are a very smart person, and you need to listen to yourself and to those of us who have already been burned and burned and burned again. I am one of those people who learned about narcs. many years ago, but somehow it didn't fully connect with me, I guess I was in denial. So in my case even after knowing what I was dealing with I wasted 7 years of my life (my best years in my opinion) with my husband and all for nothing but heartache, health problems, and more tears than I ever thought I could cry. So PLEASE listen and be wise.
Mar 23 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Alisa

I understand what you're saying it is a lot to absorb...it is almost surreal...it is nothing we could have ever imagined that people like this could exist. We have a picture of crazy...we have two...we have the harmless type that's just "crazy" but not mean or vincdictive just nuts then we have the horror images of the Jeffrey Dahmers... But in between those spectrums are these folks and I have to say they are just as dangerous as the Dahmers. Not to say he is of the calibre to kill you but to say that the lack of empathy will definately have a big effect on how he treats you AND that does not necessarily rule out a "Dahmer" capaiblity but no the reality is that from what is reported, not all narcs go that far. BUT the lack of empathy...I will repeat...VERY dangerous. I would have to say however, that by tip toeing on this, you leave yourself open to a risk. How great a risk I can't determine but cognitively you know the facts. There is a part of us that very much wants to believe it isn't true but the quicker we face the reality and detach, the quicker we can heal and save ourselves a lot of suffering. The burn isn't pretty and it isn't a little scorch from an iron, it's more like hot oil all over you from head to toe. I'd think carefully and weigh my options. Hugs.
Mar 23 - 4PM
Susan32
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The drastic stuff

The ex-Psych professor claimed during the final D&D that I was making unwanted sexual advances on him... he moved one of his classes from one classroom to another. All I had done was declare my love. After the final D&D, after I had met the girlfriend who had moved from LA to be with him, he was *BEGGING* for my home address/phone number for when I moved off-campus. I don't think he did anything when I lived on-campus in the dorms because two professors had on-campus apartments AND there was security. He would've been caught. When I went NC and about a month into the UNM teacher education program, he falsely accused me (I *STILL* suspect it's him) of being "dangerous to children." I was summarily kicked out of the program without so much as a hearing. All I got was a phone call at 8 pm telling me to NOT come back the next day, I was deemed that much a danger.* *I got a tutoring job in another state, had it for over a year. When I had volunteered at a local elementary school, my record was clean.
Mar 23 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Alisa
Alisa's picture

This is pretty bad. I am

This is pretty bad. I am really happy that I never told my ex some of my really intimate secrets (weird, I've just not felt that intimate with him) not does he have access to my online journal - phew. Come to think of it it IS weird, because all my other, normal, exes do. And although it feels awkward, I have never felt threatened by any of them in any way.
Mar 23 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The disappearing act

The psychopath in my life was a teacher, NOT a boyfriend/lover or husband, so my case is slightly different. I *NEVER* saw him at his apartment off-campus. It *NEVER* got sexual because I felt uncomfortable in his presence. I'd be literally quaking. This site helped me realize that me calling him "ex-boyfriend" was incorrect because frankly, it never got that far. Not even as far as casual dating. He was, however, my teacher, and that's as real as to be on my transcript. When I left NM, I did not tell ANYONE... not even the colleagues or trusted friends. I just disappeared. It was sad not being able to tell the professors who had been good to me a nice goodbye. Talk about no closure with decent people. After this incident at UNM, one of my friends asked me "Does he have your address?" I said NO. I had some gallows humor, saying, "I live down the street from a cemetery. I'm not in it." Now I live down the street from a mental hospital. Leaving the ex-P is the reason why I did NOT end up in either place. God leaves us reminders. He gives us reasons to be thankful for our sanity and our lives.