Waiting in the Parking Lot @ Lunch!!

Bada, I agree with these other people. It's restraining order time. I know that you're afraid of making him angry(er), and you're intimidated. Intimidation is exactly what he's counting on from you. The way I see it, you have two choices here: 1. You can be intimidated by him and afraid of his anger. Bear in mind, this could be endless with him because he knows he can get away with his behavior. He's DOING it (regularly). Do you really want to possibly spend the rest of your existence concerned about when the NEXT time this jerk pops up, and what he's going to do to you? As for his getting more angry, so what? He's ALREADY angry enough that he went to jail for man-handling you, and he punched a dent in your car while blocking your escape. My question to you is, "What could a restraining order do for YOU?". He's ALREADY violently angry. At least with the RO, you have the protection of the law, and he will go to jail for coming anywhere near you. As it is now, without the RO, he's pulling his violent, intimidating stunts WITH NO CONSEQUENCES for his behavior. He shows up on your doorstep when he wants. He follows you to your sister's town when he wants. He assaults you in bars when he wants. He blocks your car when he wants. He intimidates you in store parking lots when he wants. He's getting away with his stalking most of the time. To quote my sister, "Behavior that is rewarded, is repeated". It can be either positive or negative behavior. The narc is being rewarded by intimidating you with no consequences enough times that he feels it's worth the effort. His actions are not UNREWARDING enough for him to stop. YOU have the power to change this. With the RO, he's told to stay away (legally and publicly). There are consequences to his coming near you. If he doesn't then he'll get arrested, and there will be proven track record with the police, just in case any harm ever does come to you. It will be public knowledge that he's a stalking, violent jerk instead it all being covert. Narcs LOVE covert bad behavior. They get to look good on the surface while being total shits underneath. The RO will blow his behavior right out of the water for everyone to see (just like he deserves). 2. You get the restraining order. Yes, he'll be angry. Big deal. You're not exactly happy being stalked and intimidated every day either. I'm sure YOU are angry about his behavior toward YOU. However, with the RO, his behavior will all be public and you have the potential for becoming more hassle for him than you're worth. After he goes to jail enough times, and his behavior becomes punitive enough for himself, then he'll move onto an easier target. In short, you want to be so much trouble for him that he'll leave you alone FOREVER. His behavior towards you deserves NO positive reward EVER. You WANT the narc coming near you in any way to be VERY unsatisfactory for himself. He's a narc. Narcs only worry about themselves. In this case, you can make his self-centered focus work to your advantage with the RO. You can make his own poor behavior punish HIM (and him alone). Huge hugs!

I know you are afraid of repercussions...he knows that too...but there comes a point in your life ,when you must think of yourself and your safety..... i didnt comment on your post about going to dinner with him cos i didnt want to bring you down...but i knew there would be trouble....going to dinner, even talking to them, they think you still want them and they consider it GAME BACK ON.....i hope you document every thing , he says, he does and his actions....i am speaking from experience bada, and not to frighten you.....just be awarexx

You DID handle yourself well in the situation. That is not in question. The point is, in spite of your NC, you cannot handle HIM. Your post mentioned how embarrassed you were at the situation, but nothing about being frightened. And why should you be embarrassed for HIS behavior? It is not a reflection on you. He is dangerous, violent, and out-of-control. He's already shown he does not respect you or your boundaries and will be back for more. You may not be in doubt about what he IS anymore, but you are still in doubt about what he is really capable of doing next. In spite of how nice you've tried to be with him to not invoke his rage, this situation has been escalating all along and continues to escalate, WITHOUT a Restraining Order. Do you really think he is done now? That he won't be back in a few days? This most recent attempt to force you into submission didn't work, so next time he'll have to do something MORE "effective." More forceful and more violent. We are all just concerned for your safety and want you to get a RO to protect yourself BEFORE it escalates some more. Because it WILL escalate whether you get one or not. This time you were at work and had the protection of Security to call on. Where will you be next time?