Want to SREAM!!!

Instead of screaming at my Narc I want to say, why can't he just leave. He's gone every weekend with the OW anyway! Then comes home & tries to be Superdad with our. 8 yr old daughter. The OW probably doesn't know he comes home to me. Don't worry, I don't talk to him or sleep with him. He goes on the computer & traces me, reads my emails & sees who I called. I know she doesn't know that. He took my neck support pillow & took it to her house. OMG, I fckn hate him so much! I wish murder was legal right now! Help me God! Its so hard to keep my mouth shut b/c if I don't he will just get pleasure out of my misery. He's so sick!It's so hard to find a good lawyer that doesn't cost $5,000 which I don't have.