Wendy & Tinkerbell

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#1 Apr 24 - 7PM
better off
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Wendy & Tinkerbell

From The Peter Pan Syndrome...

WENDY: What are your exact feelings for me, Peter?
PETER: Those of a devoted son, Wendy.
WENDY (turning away): I thought so.
PETER: You are puzzling. Tiger Lily is just the same; there is something or other she wants me to be, but she says it is not my mother.
WENDY (with spirit): No, indeed it isn't!
PETER: Then what is it?
WENDY: It isn't for a lady to tell.
PETER (badgered): I suppose she means that she wants to be my mother.
TINKERBELL (flashing light): You silly ass.

Peter wanted girls to act as his mother. He was preoccupied with maternal acceptance and approval. His infantile dependency needs inhibited the development of a mature relationship. Peter had a one-track mind and if girls couldn't get on that track, he didn't want anything to do with them.

Wendy tries her best to meet Peter's needs. Although her disappointment is apparent, she continually tries to make Peter feel like a cherished son. But she isn't happy about it. On one occasion, she pushes Peter into the role of husband and father. This upsets him and he quickly reverts to the role of son rather than lover. Wendy indulges his every whim.

Tinkerbell also wants to be Peter's girlfriend. However you can tell from her caustic response that she won't tolerate magical nonsense coming from the one she loves. Peter spurns her time and again. He simply doesn't like her behaving like a woman and not a surrogate mother.

Wendy's relationship with Peter is distant and properly controlled. She behaves as she knows Peter wants her to, and is quick to alter her thoughts and actions in keeping with Peter's demands, however juvenile. She cares for Peter but she expresses that care through indulgence and pampering. It confuses her, but she complies with Peter's demand that she not touch him.

Tinkerbell on the other hand, is made of vibrant, living stuff. Her reactions are more what you expect Wendy's to be. Yet Tink is more human than Wendy. She yearns for a spontaneous growing mutually enveloping relationship with Peter, an idea he rejects without understanding it. The irony of an electrically charged spirit being capable of penetrating human emotions is intensified when we learn that Tink is allowed to touch Peter.

The story of Wendy and Tinkerbell vying for Peter's affection is a compelling and instructive sidebar to Peter's refusal to grow up. As destiny predicates, one of the girls must win. At story's end we find that flesh-and-blood propriety triumphs over electrical reality. Peter maintains a highly structured, cold, and distant relationship with Wendy. She wins an ongoing affiliation with Peter, but the hope of a productive relationship dims as her maturity carries her away from Never Never Land. As for Tinkerbell, we learn the fate of that gutsy little ball of light in this cryptic yet instructive exchange.

WENDY: I haven't seen Tink this time.
PETER: Who?
WENDY: Oh dear! I suppose it's because you've had so many adventures.

Jun 20 - 3PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

My limited experience with

My limited experience with passive aggressive males showed a need to stay in highschool forever. It seems their magic age is around 15. They also like to date teenage girls-maybe thats what the sneaking around with the baby sitter is all about. I also found they could not keep jobs, were not able to discuss issues without being so threatened that they would panic,they claim to feel confusion when they have a choice. I had an experience with one recently whose mother asked me to talk to him about his problems with jobs. he was just given a job, by a family friend, at which he was very competent and very popular he was also paid well and the job had a good career future. he quit the job-just walked off never resigned- after 3 weeks because he wanted to meet someone at his old highschool. the family friend was so furious, the job felt they had done something wrong, and everyone involved was upset. He was 'confused' and very critical of the family friend who got him the job. he did have alcahol and marijuana problems and just found the job got in the way of his hanging around his old school. This Peter Pan is 23 and maybe will be dating 15 year old girls forever and staying in highschool never never land.
Apr 27 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

here you go Lisa

http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/02/am-i-hard-wired-to-want-him.html http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/04/your-profession-your-lovers.html Broken record here - have you read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS? It covers the traits of those of us that attract these predators and would be a great book for you to share with all your girlfriends. (IMHO it should be required reading for all females age 15 and over)
Apr 28 - 10AM (Reply to #15)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Thanks, Barbara

Yes, I definitely need to get this book. I went into the HR profession to help people. I knew I wanted to work in business, but in a profession where I could help others with career development, work life balance, etc. Thank you for posting these links. Very helpful.
Apr 27 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

explored

This was what Sandra Brown, MA examined in WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS. http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/08/unexamined-victims-of-abuse.html We are as much targets as we are prey... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 27 - 4AM
fairy wings
fairy wings's picture

Peter Pan

Hmm! Having reflected on this I am asking myself this question: If Peter was such an arse, why did he have two women wanting him? I see this mirrored in society. We always want the bad boy. Why? I have some ideas just interested to know what you all think.
Apr 27 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Why we love the bad boy

Fairy Wings - I'm so glad you posed this question. I would love to hear your thoughts on why we love the bad boy! I was just having this conversation with my girlfriends yesterday at brunch. Why are we drawn to the bad boy?
Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
fairy wings
fairy wings's picture

Loving the bad boy

Hi Lisa, I typed a long answer and when I tried to post, access was denied, so when I'm less tired I will write it again.
Apr 27 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
better off
better off's picture

I am drawn to the "fun" boy.

I am drawn to the "fun" boy. Peter Pan is lots of fun. A little edge seems cool, but I've always gone for the one with a twinkle in his eye and ready with a smile and a laugh. It's funny...the very next paragraphs after that section of the book talked about WHY are these two totally different "women" vying for this boy?? But he does seem to be full of life and adventure. I am also reading The Nice Girl Syndrome which is pivotal for me, I think...and I think, for me, I was also drawn to my man because it was like living vicariously through him, or I could be attached to him and have courage to live more bravely and do more things (this was the illusion)...instead of being and doing all that I perceived in him MYSELF. Does that make sense? I'm finding it hard to put into words exactly what I mean.
Apr 28 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
fairy wings
fairy wings's picture

Fun boy

It makes absolute sense. Very familiar to my own experience. I can see I have gone for partners I perceive to be more daring than me, someone who would take me to 'places'I wouldn't dare to go.
Apr 28 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

did you

Did you read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS yet? This fits in perfectly with their profile. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Barbara

I have looked in a couple of different places, and can't find How to Spot a Dangerous Man, so I'm just gonna order on-line. Anyhow...I went to Borders today kind of close to work in a last ditch effort to find a copy. They were re-doing some of the store, and things were disorganized. The computer said they were 'likely to have a copy in store', but I couldn't find it. A lady came over to help, and she picked up this book by Nina BROWN called "Loving the Self-Absorbed: How to Create a More Satisfying Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner", and asked me if it was it? I said "OH HECK NO", and started laughing. She probably thought I was a little off. :) I was really surprised to see a book like that...oh well!
Apr 29 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Loving the self-absorbed

Yes, I've seen that book, Quietude! I can't believe someone actually wrote a book telling people how to love a narcissist. I thought it had to be a joke too, but she's serious! Very sad.
Apr 28 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

books here

You can get HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN here: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/category/products-and-services/hardcover-books Just scroll down a little. It's there. BTW - Nina Brown has an excellent book for ACONS (Adult Children of Narcissists) called CHILDREN OF THE SELF ABSORBED. But to say anyone can possibly live a decent life with one? No way, Jose. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
fairy wings
fairy wings's picture

Women Who Love Psychopaths

Where can I get this Barbara?
Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

get it here

I have a link on my abuse site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Look on the left hand column down a ways - you will see the book cover - click on it. The price is deeply discounted. It is a MUST MUST read. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 26 - 5AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Betteroff

Wow, you have really hit the nail on the head here, Betteroff. Thank you for posting this. I have got to get this book!!!