What He Needs From You

Here's my own personal experience of what a narc looks for in a victim. You are welcome to add your own.

In the beginning he needs you

-To always be present to fill his needs. Answer his phone calls and emails immediately. He calls- you answer. He logs on- you are there. He texts- you respond.

-To believe his version of his past. His ex's bad sexual performance and other faults. How his kids are rotten and don't appreciate him. His parent's inability to raise him properly. His alcoholic mom or his demanding father. How kids made fun of him in school and took advantage of him.How good he was to everyone and how they never appreciated him.
He may even tell you the truth of his infidelities, abuses towards others, his lies, his use of porn and chatting people up on the internet. He says he has learned from the past and just needs the right partner to succeed in life. And you believe you can be that partner.

-To not believe the stories you heard about him from his ex.

-To be swept off your feet right away. You will sleep with him shortly after your first date or contact. You will disclose your innermost thoughts and feelings and confide in him. You will buy the dream he sells. "It's you and me against the world, Babe."

-To make exceptions for him and not guard your own established boundaries. A strong willed victim is best. Breaking down strong walls makes him feel powerful.

-To be sexually open to him. Stroke his needs in bed. Fulfill his fantasies.You find yourself open to try things sexually that you always found repulsive, but now you are willing to give it a go.

-To be a mommy.You cook for him, do his laundry, clean up after him. Dry his tears. Pick him up and dust him off. Bandage his bruised ego. Cater to him. Do what HE wants to do. Protect him from the big bad world. Buy him what he wants whether you can afford it or not. Comfort him. Be a nurse. Treat him like a helpless infant, but tell him how very manly he is. Believe in what he could be.

Later:
...He needs you to

-Forget the lies he tells. Believe the lies he tells.

-Blame yourself for HIS shortcomings.His anger. His disappointment in life. His diminishing sexual expression. His perverted sexual expressions.

-Accept all his moods. His anger and rage especially.

-Slowly accept that this relationship he sold you is "normal."
To accept him as he is because you love him so much.

-Not defend yourself. Not speak up for yourself. Never leave him. Refuse to report him to the police or the other woman.

-Feel shame for HIS actions, thereby not exposing him.

-Believe he can change. Constantly accept empty apologies and continue endlessly to try to fix his problems.

-Stick with the relationship no matter what.

In the end:
..He needs you to

-Accept his abandonment as your own fault so he can reenter in the future and abuse you again.

-Clean up the mess he left behind without complaint.

-Keep the dream alive. Keep the fantasy going that someday it will all work out with therapy, classes, promises, trying harder, communicating more, working on your sex issues.

-Say you still love him. Sleep with him. Call him. Answer his emails and texts. Write him. Ask how he is. Take an interest. Be friends. Be nice.

-Forgive him.