What I have learned

In four short days I am packing up my car and driving 1200 miles to start my next chapter in life. I have been preparing for this trip for four VERY LONG years. I have terrible bouts of sadness, (for my children), but I am pushing through to start a new life.

I have purchased Lisa's book, I have jumped on many websites about narcissism, I am educated on this nasty disorder. I have cried myself dry, I have had screaming fights with my NH, I have spoken with friends, I have gone on antidepressants, I have starved myself, I have overeaten, I have overindulged in drinking, I have slept too much, I have gone without sleep, I have been dwelling in hell and have FINALLY decided to walk away from it.

This is what I have taken away from this experience -

*Everyone who has lived with a N knows, usually early on, in their gut that something isn't quite right -TRUST YOUR INTUITION!!

*Anger is good.....up to a point. It really hurts no one but yourself after awhile. It made me "bitter", which is a characteristic I detest.

*Family and friends can literally save your sanity, save your life. They are the ones who knew you BEFORE you met your N. They know your "true self" and they care enough about you to remind you of the "old you".

*A lot of us who met our N thought that they really had their shit together, but after the relationship burns to the ground we realize that WE WERE THE ONES WHO HAD OUR SHIT TOGETHER. The whole time!!

*Not all victims of Ns come from neglected parenting or an abusive family.

* Not every f---d up spouse or partner is a N.

* Bad shit DOES happen to good people.

*Everyone walking this earth has their own issues or problems that they have to deal with daily. Many do so with grace. Learn to be graceful. If not, you will soon see the effects on your "aging" face.

*You can ask anyone and everyone for their advice / input but eventually you have to get off your OWN ass and solve you OWN problem, (it's called responibility).

*No one likes being tricked, and that is exactly what happened to us all isn't it? We can keep beating our heads against the wall muttering our "damnits" or......we can pick ourselves up, put on our lipstick and walk away, (hopefully with grace and a little class). There is no need to be drug down to their level. Strength is reflected in keeping your emotions in tact and not fueling their fire.

*In my gardening, landscaping and interior decorating I have always taken the negative/eyesore of the project and turned it into the best asset/feature of it. I have decided to apply that theory to my 24 years of living with my NH.

I am very appreciative of this site - for it was the source I found to answer my question. I can pretty much relate to each and every one of the stories posted here. It was a HUGE relief to find out A.) I am not crazy B.) I am not alone!! Like a Narcs Anonymous where we can swap stories. I have understood with some on here who need more proof that they are dealing with a N. Denial is a great protection mode, but it only delays the inevitable. What "sealed" it for myself was his total and complete lack of empathy. It was then that I knew. EVERYONE has empathy, unless they are dead. Hmmmm....dead. Hmmm...dead. NOW I GET IT!!

I applaud Lisa for bringing this disorder to the forefront. Sooooooooo many people have been touched by a N, and time has been long overdue for victims to take back their lives.

I so enjoy the postings of those who check back in after sucessfully completing their missions and tell us "HELL YA" there is life after N!!! And this is what I did to get to where I am...blah, blah, blah. I love to read those words of winning!

Well thanks for letting me yack, yack, yack. I am focusing on my pumped-up mode to exit the Narcissism phase of my life.

keep the faith
PP