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What if it is me aft all

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#1 Nov 5 - 11AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

What if it is me aft all

I'm all over the place.

He turned up at sons football match and I walked away and kept nc.

Now my children are angry with me for being horrible to exnh. They say he's said he's sorry and loves me and regrets mistakes. But he is still with ow

My head is a mess. What if I'm just a bitter angry woman who can't get over the fact her husband left because the marriage was over and he fell for someone else.

My children think I am the horrible one

Nov 5 - 9PM
Amiee
Amiee's picture

Don't let it get to you.

Don't let it get to you. Between the current N and the one I married there was 12 years. I took a lot of comments when I left him and my sons were angry but over the years they have matured and see his behavior. They know their father but keep their distance...they saw who he is and with maturity and time so will yours. Good Luck!
Nov 5 - 7PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

minimizing

Ns have a way of "minimizing" what they do to others. After 2 1/2 years of psychological, emotional, & the beginning of physical abuse -- my N said: "We had ajustment problems. The first two years of marriage are that way." And me--I just tossed a marriage out the window according to N. That's minimization. You must seek inside of yourself and decide whether or not you are being a bitter b*tch. Take stock. Ns have a way of convincing others of their righteousness. And it is easier for others to believe that you are bitter. If people recognize what an abusive man he is, then they have to walk away from him themselves. Evil asks us to ignore it & tolerate it. If we recognize evil then we are forced to take a stand against evil. Your children love their father. And they are absolutely convinced that YOU will always be there for them. So, it's easier for them to blame you. If they critize him--he may go away (they sense that).
Nov 5 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Winter
Winter's picture

So true, Agnes

Minimizing what they do to others and maximazing every single "unfair" act of others toward them. They are so sensitive and delicate when it comes to them. However we should just "not worry about it" when they do their crappy things. Jely, nope your are not an angry bitter woman. You are a woman who does protect her dignity. I know you might feel very upset by the reaction of your children. Yes, it hurts. But they are just kids... If I may advise, please do not say to them anything bad about their father. You could just say that there are situation between adults that are not easy to understand. But they will grow and understand you better in time. Love Winter
Nov 5 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ummm.. Nope .. He plays

Ummm.. Nope .. He plays headfuck with you.. That's not normal., And look it's working.. Keep doing what you're doing Hunter
Nov 5 - 12PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Checklist time!Go back over

Checklist time! Go back over the list of his behaviors that confirmed, in your mind, that you were dealing with a PD. You KNOW his actions were abusive and disordered and that you did not cause the dissolution of your marriage -- not in any NORMAL sense. You know you never could have had a normal relationship with your ex -- NO ONE will ever have a "normal" relationship with him because, well, he ain't normal! I'm sorry your kids are making you feel this way right now. In time, they will see. Now get back on that recovery horse and ride, sister! Hugs, D.