what if they do therapy

I keep wondering if he can be a narc if he does therapy, mens groups, healing circles ect? He even questioned the men in his group once and asked if he was an N because I mentioned that he was. (they said couldnt be you do your work). He has always been responsible and on time..until this year when the shit hit the fan. He got fired from two jobs and took him self on vacation with the morgage when he was fired. He rarely if ever raises his voice. Hes not abusive. He hit me and cracked my nose when we first got together 14 years ago but has never since laid a hand on me or our kids...EVER. My two biggest complaints in the marriage was i had to ask him to help with things like, childcare, house cleaning ect and listen to him whine and when I pointed out to him that something is really off between you and your kids he would always say and you think your perfect" Alot of the other stuff fits. The most recent.... he doesn't talk to his kids and will only have them overnight if I work out of town and then only let them come at bedtime when they are tired. Has pretty much ignored me since he left 3 months ago. Is looking at getting evicted because he bought a car stereo and an I phone among other things.

I am 10 years older than him and worry that I was too controlling and made him this way. Part of me can see that he contributed to my controlling ways because he always acted shady. During the last year he went to a company training and took his wedding ring off to "fit in" and then had drinks with a woman there and called her room to chat. When he got back to town he would msn her and not understand why i was upset. I called her and she assured me nothing happened, that she was not interested and he didnt seem to put off the sex vibe she said.

What really blew the lid off my fantasy world was when he met a woman a year and a half ago (the start of the whole thing) and couldn't decide if he wanted me or her, he stayed but it was never the same for me and the more i saw who he really is the weirder things got. I know I am kind of all over the place but i am writing as i am thinking.

I thought I knew this person, I feel like it was all a lie. I thought he had bipolar when it all started but now i dont know for sure, i do know hes kinda strange and whats weirder is that I didnt see it.

My biggest complaint was that he didnt pay attention to the kids unless it was a video game they played together for a few days then he would get bored and tell them it was a dumb game, (that always confused them). All the stuff about not getting my needs met ect he always made it my fault somehow so i believed i was too demading, to greedy, to something.

Oh and the other thing I didnt like to have sex with him because i felt violated in a wierd way and at night I would wake up to him doing things to me and I would freak and beg and plead to not do things to me in my sleep since I had that happen to me in my childhood. Of course in my mind I took the blame because if I had sex with him he wouldnt need to do it. It finally stopped when I woke up one night and it triggered rage in me and i said if you ever touch me in my sleep again i will kill you.

Hmm anything else, oh everyone is a bitch, asshole, weirdo. He only is friends with women who are older and nurturing, the one he almost left me for is the same age as me.

he got fired from his last job because the boss was a bitch and expected to much, when I said you need to be accountable he said "Oh nice, now your on her team"

On my sons birthday he didn't wish him a happy birthday but walked my then text and said did you see me walk by.

When my sister lent us money once he was pissed at the bitch for writing a check instead of cash.

He didn't like to go into the store across from his work because he didn't want the employees to see me (said they were weird didn't want to give them satisfaction) I chalked it up to me being older and him not wanting them to know that.

But back to the beginning, whatever I had issues with (mostly no kid attention) he would go to group and work on it. And he did ask if he could be and has read the info, Said that sounds like you..which I agree some of it does sound like me.

thoughts?