What might you think?

Yes, it sounds like he definitely has narcissistic tendencies which are more signicant than the average person. The fact that he couldn't check in on you on a day he knew was difficult for you and then after you tell him it upset you, he does it again, is totally unacceptable. You don't need someone like this in your life. You want to be with someone who "gets you" and is capable of empathy and compasion.

This is the stuff I worry about when I eventually date again. Is he, or isn't he? =0 To me, this guy sounds self-centered to say the least, which to me is bad enough in itself. If they aren't concerned about you or your day, that's inconsiderate. Also, that's a very bad sign that he didn't validate your feelings and was defensive in that phone call. I don't think you're being demanding at all. You're going through a hard time and need support, and a good guy would be supportive. Someone who is right for you would be concerned about you and your well-being.

after I left exNH I was literally "pre-tenderized meat" for Psycho-boy. In retrospect the things I blew off were actually major emotional & boundary violations (I am sharing in hopes this helps you get perspective) - I was in the hospital for about a week, literally a few blocks from his office. I asked him to stop and see me... his response? "NO WAY!" - I asked him to come by my house once for dinner - he refused. - He would only phone me when he wanted to have phone sex (believe me it was very ONE SIDED - I just FROZE and listened... ugh) - He would only contact me a) when he wanted to discuss sex or something sexual or he needed help editing one of his articles (he now DENIES I helped him at all) He even told me he knew he is "a narcissist" and he's "sick" and "looks at all women like they are just a hole." Once he yelled at me and said I was only about sex for him - then contacted me 24 hours later to say he forgot to take his antidepressant and he was sorry. (Real reason? He was already planning an affair with one of my friends...) - b) when he wanted advice about how to handle his horrible, cold, pious, overbearing wife (he now says the opposite in public) or how to handle his boss the bully - After the first 6 months he rarely asked about my health or how I was doing emotionally away from exNH. In fact about a year into the emotional relationship he told me I should "go F**K exNH because we'd both "feel better" - WTF?!?! - He would ask for my schedule but then say he forgot to write it down - He would make a tentative date to get together and then cancel the last minute - When my exNH found out about the affair and started coming around to physically abuse me - Psycho-boy DISAPPEARED for 5 weeks. Just VANISHED. Blocked me on IM. When he came back he acted like the emotional affair never happened and didn't want to discuss it for months! Even then he eased me back into it slowly. - If I disagreed with him or called him on something he would break contact with me for a week or two. Training me not to question him & furthering the traumatic bonding - the 4 times I tried to break it off and block all contact with him? He would contact one of my best friends and BEG her to intervene for him until he wore her down. Then I felt guilty and got reeled back in. These all should have been HUGE RED FLAGS to me. HUGE. It is hard after years of a Narc Mother, narc or P boyfriends and bosses and a Narc husband to feel confident about acting in my own best interest even now. But it gets easier. If people call me a BITCH I say Thank you (Babe In Total Control of Herself). I admit I still get pretty po'd when I hear the lies lies lies and more lies he tells about me - even though he knows I have loads of hard evidence to back up everything that happened - like all pathologicals he continues to lie hoping if he says it enough it will make it true. (shades of Scott Peterson and OJ Simpson) I am not a thing. I am a person with feelings & needs. I am worth more than being used as an object when HE wanted me around for whatever reasons. And so are you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Well...he sounds narcissistic to me. Sorry to say. At the very least it's one-sided. Didn't you also say he doesn't pressure you for any sex? Just likes to sleep together. I can't remember if that was you or not. One thing I would say is that in any relationship it isn't good to "hope" for what we expect. If you expect him to call or be there for you, you need to tell him that. Without coming round the back way and saying gee I hoped you would. If he'd not an N and just a dumb guy, he can't read your mind and he might not actually KNOW that you were "hoping" for something. It would also be better to say "That makes me feel like you're not that into me." Instead of "I guess you're not that into me." Which is sort of hinting or fishing for him to deny it. Instead of just stating how you feel or what you want. Living in a N marriage has not taught you to do those things! Right?! That's what I am teaching myself now. How to say exactly what it is I want without feeling guilty about it. Al Anon quote: Mean what you say; say what you mean; don't say it mean. However, if you did leave him that message and he still didn't call to talk about why you are upset or correct your notions or do ANYTHING, I would call that very passive-aggressive and narcissistic. Playing games.