what NEVER ceases to Amaze ME

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#1 Jan 21 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

what NEVER ceases to Amaze ME

Is how right from the getgo, these men are able to present themselves as" normal" human beings. i remember very early on talking with my Ex, Narc, we were driving, can not remember the context, but anyway I said something about empathy rearing its head again and he said "I have empathy", meaning himself and just the way he said it, it was like he knew the meaning of the word in a dictionary but never fully understood the word.Now i understand what people say about those with NPD, they have had to learn to mimic normal peoples behavior. Like he use to say he loved me after I said it to him, over the phone, but it sounded robotic, like he had to say it,no real feeling.After all these years I always wondered how he was able to navigate through life. Also i remember making"small talk" to a realtor we were looking at homes with, and after wards he said to me,"why did you make small talk to the fellow, it is a waste of time." So patiently I said to him, that is what greases the wheel and makes the world go around. He was someone who did not understand the nuiances of life. Did you all feel the same way?

Jan 23 - 6AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

small talk

So glad you brought this up. Mine would make small talk with everyone under the sun, but if *I* made small talk it was a cardinal sin, like an embarrassment to him. We were at a wedding once, and we were outside smoking. I was talking with my long lost cousin about what he'd done with his life and it was a bit strained, we hadn't seen each other in twenty years. He said his wife was a social worker and I said, "Oh! Don's knee deep in social workers these days. He took in a foster child a few months ago." He almost ripped my head off. "Honey! What does that have to do with him?????!!!" I said, "It's called small talk. You know: the art of conversation?" I thought at first that it was because I said something about his personal life, but then I noticed he did it a lot. He would sigh and say, "Honey. No one CARES!" whenever I made small talk. He was supposed to come to dinner once and I happened to be at the window and saw him leave his house, but he stopped to talk to this couple outside. They talked for about fifteen minutes, then he came over. He said, "I stopped to talk to Erica. She's pregnant and was having trouble with the pregnancy so I was talking with her about it." I said, "Do you actually care?" He said, "Not really. But you have to pretend to, you know?" I said, "Yeah. *I* know. But I didn't think *you* did."
Jan 23 - 1AM
Scotchy71
Scotchy71's picture

Yes

A huge flag I saw but didn't really take in, he out of the blue began talking of sex and he said..."If sex is so wrong, then why does it feel so good?".....Err, why is it wrong?????? I thought the question was weird but didn't dare ask him why he thought that.....for someone who has so much of it with different ow, maybe that's why he said what he said...I just don't know.
Jan 21 - 9AM
momoya
momoya's picture

big fakers

I have said it many times, but it was something I only noticed after the fact. Those last 4 days, my gosh-everything fell apart so quickly and I had nothing to do with it. He was married, lying and just did all this for his own needs. We were at the last meal with my parents, they were asking him questions and I could tell something was just not right, but I could not really put my finger on it. My mother pulled EXN aside after dinner to talk to him and after she said to me "something is wrong with him, I think he is bipolar. I sense something really weird, momoya, but can't place it". This is right before it all went to pieces. As if trying to sabotage everything, he changed, he withdrew affection, shut down, would hardly speak, baited me to argue when I asked questions. He wanted to be left alone. So I left him alone. Wow, never ignore a Narc. REally, he wanted to me grovel "baby what is wrong?" baby this, baby that. I am not a mind reader. And, I am not like that. I let him alone and he hated that I COULD ignore him. We had a sexual encounter that night in which he was phsically rough, and too hard so I stopped him from what he was doing. He shut down. When you hear they can't be critized - they really can't. So even if he was HURTING me, I was supposed to allow him to hurt me and not say anything? this speaks so much to me now. That night I left him to sleep alone. Wow. another big narc mistake, I can see how my ignoring him brought on his plan to make me pay. Amazing what we go through only to realize after the fact.

momoya

Jan 23 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

Bipolar

I had the same kind of thing with the bipolar bit, only it was a friend not my mother. In the end I actually asked the narc if he was bipolar, which he flat denied. Seemed a reasonable explanation at the time for the hot/cold behaviour.
Jan 21 - 9AM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Yes!

Yes they just don't get it. My NH would tell me not to talk to my male neighbors. I have known them for almost 20 years. He thought I was flirting if I said Hello. WTF??? When the Tiger Woods story broke I said that I felt so bad for his wife and my NH said Why do you feel sorry for her and I said because he humiliated her in front of the world and he told me that I was personalizing the situation. He said what about tiger???? They have no feelings at all.

victimnomore