What a Nightmare.........

I never thought I would be writing this bizarre story I am about to write.

Anyways, rewind to last Sept. 2012. I was transferred for work. My spouse and I have been married since 2009 but met in 2006. We have had problems with my spouse's desire level and we have grown quite far apart. He is a great man overall however we just seem to have no closeness despite how much counselling we do.

So at my new job, I assimilate and make friends. Right from the beginning, there is this one guy. My friends classify him as average but there was this weird connection like a lightening bolt I felt with him. It was odd. Never felt that and could not figure it out. Anyways I find out he is married and has a young daughter.

So one of my friends who is a girl and really good (usually) at reading people, works in the same office as this guy. So she describes him as the typical, chivalrous gentleman...kind of like from the deep South. So of course I am fascinated as I love the Southern States.

So the three of us become friends. He compliments me but I also know he is married so think nothing of it. Also I am married. Then I ask for his BBM as we are friends and add him. I hear nothing from him via text for 3 months but we still socialize at work, and he picks me up at home on day to take me to work as I had to bring alot of his stuff.

Anyways long story short, he drunk texts me one night while out with his buddies how miserable he is in life and would divorce but he has a daughter, etc. soi we talk for a long time and I can tell he is flirty. Next day he apologizes and says he respects me and how bad that was of him, etc. Then at work on monday he emails me apologizing and I feel bad so say "no sometimes you need to talk, etc." Well then we get emailing back and forth and he says how alive I make him feel and all these feelings he has and right from the beginning he felt this electricity when he met me, etc. And I am thinking "I felt the same thing!"

I did not tell him any of that. He just told me his feelings. So he keeps being really nice and an affair starts. He says some odd things I think are weird but I brush them off. He joins the gym with me and his really exuberant about going and says he hates animal abuse. He drinks alot which i am not fond of but figure he is just unhappy in marriage.

Then within 2 days he is talking about the future together and we have this plan to leave our spouses and be together, etc. So the first week is going well and he even comes on vacay . He says some odd things like he thinks I am too skinny and points out other woman CONSTANTLY that he says I need to look like and tells me "you think I want bones like you" and then proceeds to snap pics of me as I am running out of the shower humiliated. Then he makes me look at them saying I am gross. I am 5'4 and 105 pounds so quite thin but fit...Anyways he tells me he hates

So i tell him to get out of the room (keep in mind I am paying the whole way there....he pays his half for meals but i cover room, etc.) he gets mad and grabs me and tells me "Tell me you lied." He then goes on (because i could not find my husband when I called and he did not answer) that I need to be able to control my spouse more and know his whereabouts at all times.

So he continues to cut me up and when I get home I break up with him. Then it gets tumultuous with emails and him begging and pleading and I am not sure what the hell. He even says he would marry me as long as I accepted his daughter but before he was really against marriage. But he said "only for u because I care so much. " So I feel bad. So then he comes to my house the next day crying and begging not to leave him. So then I stick to my decision but 2 days later decide I miss him. I text him and he plays this mind game of "oh you make it so difficult but we are too volatile together, etc." then I am crying and he refuses to take my calls but then all of a sudden after more texting and a day later he is eager to reunite.

So we do and we have more blissful days but this time he is more guarded and wants the 8 month plan cancelled and to just see where things go. He claims he told his wife when we returned from vacay that he was leaving (he claims this was nothng new as they have talked before of divorce.)

So he is a little more guarded and not as nice this time. Anyways he owes me $20 so he says "I owe you $20 so will use it to buy you things you need." I am thinking "weird." So i ask for just to have my $20 back and he starts yelling at me that I am insinuating he is a gold digger and this goes on for 5 days. I cry and he refuses to talk to me and at work he glues himself to another (less attractive woman) and he yells at me and by now my friend (the one who was good at reading people) hates him and they no longer talk as she sees how he is and admits he fooled her good.

Anyways then this guy proceeds to tell me this is not his first affair at work but he had one on his wife when she was 6 months preggers and it was a 2-3 month affair. Not sure what happened as his story changed; first she did not like he had a kid and then second it was that he felt guilty his wife was preggers and decided to stay.

So by now I am crying nightly and my husband has found out and thinks I am acting like a battered woman (husband has stated he wants to work on things and loves me). But I am hung up on this guy (aka N). So I break up with N again. with family for vacay for 2 weeks and we text back and forth and he goes on he misses me and how great sex was, how I am total package, etc. But then a few days go by where I hear nothing but we have agreed to be friends. But even as friends he still goes on and on in romantic ways but then at the same time he says things to demean me. It is odd.

So then he returns and he goes on how he thought about us all the trip and our time together and misses us together and I say I do too but if we were to be together again we need some concrete plan as cannot go on like this. So then he says "no too much water under the bridge....we cannot be together again." So this is very confusing to me so finally after so much emotional roller coasters, I tell me friend (who now despises him) that I have to tell his wife in order to get him out of my life. So we text the wife.

Wife calls the next day and we meet. She tells me he never said he was leaving and divorce never came up. She is aware of the past cheating thing he did and suppposedly he told her that she was 6 months preggers and on bed rest so he felt sad for her and had to detach in some way so that was his way (his way was to cheat...). She also says he has told her that I am psycho and stalk him at work and a scorned woman who is desperate for him. (Huh???This is news to me. Apparently he had not told the wife when he came to pick me up for work one day before the affair started, that he was getting me and his daughter was in the car and the daughter said "Daddy's friend....." and they got in a big fight about it. he always told me she was psychotic and crazy so I believed him back then...)

Anyways so wife continues to tell me that he shoves her, pushes her and he always wants more and more money and blames her for not making enough and everything is her fault, etc. So similar to how he has treated me as of late. She even found an email between his mom and him concocting some story to try to make her seem crazy and researching various conditions so he could take the kid and go. Anyways she says he has basically been saying crap about me to her and I still have all our texts to show her the truth.

So she is horrified by the texts. Anyways not sure what happened then as we agreed to keep in touch and she has not responded to me. And he avoided me at work like the plague until I finally went into his office and SAID "WE can do this here or in another place." So he followed me to an empty office and I asked about the lies. He said he never lied and his wife lied but it did not matter as he no longer cared at all about me and whatever. I said I would like to go back to just being friends and he was like "I will let you know when that can happen but do not text me or email me anymore or my wife." I noticed he had his wedding ring on which he never wore.

Anyways so I told him I request one last time to get everything out and he said "ok I will allow you that and will let you know when."

So i texted him that night and no response. So next morning I said "lets get this over with and go our separate ways." So he is very concerned about his image at work and told me to respect his privacy and not say bad things about him. he is very smart and regarded well as a good worker. he seems like the most amazing person.

So anyways we went downstairs to talk and again he said his wife lied and he never lied to me. He said he realizes he was just never meant to be with me and the whole thing was a huge mistake. Anyways at work he does not interact with me except on a professional basis but sometimes I wonder if some of this stuff appears professional but is not? Like on the phone one day he called and left a message related to something, however he did not need to do that. I did not respond and that was after almost a week of NC. I was bad yesterday and broke it though as felt bad as he (apparently ) started therapy and so I just wished him a good session and knew he was strong and intelligent and would do well. No response. No response to any texts at all. So this is Day 1 now all over again of NC.

It is hard as I want the person who was fun and complimentary in the start and who was my friend, to come back. But my other friend says it was all obviously fake. Anyways he has glued himself to that other girl at work again. And if I am in the office talking work to someone, he make loud phone calls mentioning the other girls' name and / or he calls his wife (I guess she stayed??) but he usually just says "where are u?" and hangs the phone up so maybe she just hangs up on him. he has stopped going to the gym as I go there and no longer comes near my office like he used to.

It is like a complete 360 in person. I am wondering if he is a N or just being pissy I called him on the affair and told his wife? I just miss my friend. I do not want the affair back as it is too hard but miss my friend. But he just seems to go up and down. Tuesday he was pleasant and I even needed a marker and he offered me one and offered to help me with something. But then he just also avoids me. It is weird.

Anyways I am new here and sorry or rambling...LOL..my story is long. I need to be strong in NC so Day 1 starts again and this time I stick to it now that I have researched this more. But I do miss my friend.