What's next

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#1 Mar 16 - 2AM
ms_jeeves's picture

What's next

I need advice on "what's next." I'm here on Guam, all by myself and he cut off all contact with me after telling me he was moving to DC to be with someone he had been seeing while we were engaged.

I recognize that I'm lucky that she came along and took him away.

I recognize that he has the emotional maturity of a two-year-old.

But... a lot of what happened, that I saw, during our relationship was pretty good. We had a pretty normal, close sex life. We were silly together and he was happy to listen to me at the end of the day (yes, I would pretty regularly have to ask him if he wanted to hear about my day). I know that a lot of what happened was an act that he couldn't keep up with.

Anyway... the point is...I'm pretty lonely and very anxious a lot of the time. I need suggestions for "moving on." I've made a few friends here but I'm not doing much except sitting with them in a local hangout. I'd like to be doing outdoor things but I get filled with anxiety about it... and so I've turned down invitations to do those things. My bad.

Even driving past the navy base fills me with HUGE anxiety... and I have ZERO memories of him here... just the conversations we had about coming here and a few stories he shared about being here in the past.... and I suspect that he didn't tell me the whole truth about that port call.

I guess I don't know where this is going... just... suggestions please. I am hoping to soon be at the point where I'm sick of thinking of him and wanting his explanations for why he wouldn't just let me walk away when I wanted to (yes, I know he had to "win").

I really, really want to move on happily and be grateful that he's not my problem anymore.

I know this is really small compared to all of you who are still dealing with really terrible men.

Mar 16 - 8AM
better off
better off's picture


It's tough to go through this. I think it's important to allow yourself to grieve. At the same time, I think there are things you can do to help feel better. Some advice I was given a long time ago, that I didn't take, was to get rid of anything that was a reminder of him. At the time, I didn't understand what had happened with the relationship and I couldn't bring myself to do that. Plus, he was my sanctuary from the horrible situation I was in at home...(thanks N, for taking advantage of that. He probably liked to pour salt on slugs). So I clung to my mementos and listened to our songs and all that stuff. Now I'm purging it all. I think I WAS in a dissociative state with him, so I have to remove all triggers. It's like they are hypnotic triggers (like the Queen of Hearts in the Manchurian Candidate!! lol) But I'm further down the road in this journey so I don't know if that will help you or not...it's just a suggestion. Anyway, the suggestion I HATE to follow, lol, is to get more exercise. I went for a long long bike ride yesterday and I felt a lot of inner peace when I came back. Endorphins, baby. Can't get any N-induced endorphins. Need to find other sources. Do things that are good for you. :-)
Mar 16 - 7AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


It takes time. Sometimes years, to DEPROGRAM from these cretins. Find activities that interest you. Something you want to do for you. Then the right man will come along - you won't have to look for him. Your positive attitude will attract him. http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com